April 16, 2021

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: What If My Loved Ones Don’t Live the Faith?”

Q: A number of my loved ones, including my parents and godmother, live lives contrary to Catholic teachings and never go to confession. They haven’t been in over 20 years and don’t believe they have done anything mortally sinful. I know for a fact they have missed Mass without reason, used birth control, and honestly just need a good confession. My best friend does go to confession occasionally, but she also uses birth control and doesn’t believe it to be sinful. In my own life, not counting NFP instructors, I only know one Catholic who didn’t use birth control. I am sorry for the rant but my question is this: Is there any hope for my loved ones? Can they be saved despite the lack of going to confession and repeatedly committing mortal sins? It breaks my heart to think people I love will go to hell. I have tried to convince them to go to confession. It falls on deaf ears. I pray God will have mercy on them. – A.V.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: I’m sorry to hear about your friends and family members. Unfortunately, your family situation is not unique.

Many Catholics have drifted from the practice of the faith. The reasons vary. Even some Catholics who attend Mass regularly don’t always embrace Church teachings.

So what to do?

First, it’s good to remember that God alone knows the heart and mind of each person. Many people might suffer from inculpable ignorance. They are clueless about the faith. It might not be completely their fault, given the poor catechesis they received and possibly the bad example they have seen in other Catholics.

Second, there is always hope that they will see the light and return to the sacraments. This is where you own prayers and sacrifices and example might help immeasurably. You might not see the fruit of your prayers right away. That’s OK — the Holy Spirit has his moment to work in souls.

Third, you can start to look for way to catechize your relatives gently. You might leave books and pamphlets around your house that catch their eye. You might share with them (again, gently) how much confession and the Church’s teachings have helped you. Maybe you can share resources about the Church teaching on contraception, such as:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yBPmQDF5iI

https://www3.nd.edu/~afreddos/courses/264/contraception-whynot.htm

You might also pray to St. Monica and offer up Masses for your loved ones’ conversion, and let them know that you are interceding for them. This might prompt them to ask themselves, “Why is she praying so intensely for us?”

Helpful, too, might be to think about how you can help catechize young people. Perhaps you can volunteer for CCD classes or offer a theology of the body course for teens at your parish.

Above all, be hopeful but realistic. God is still in charge. But people change slowly. Try to focus on being the best Catholic you can, and don’t get discouraged if it seems as though the folks around you aren’t quite on board with the faith. We are called to be faithful, not successful.

To maintain your own spiritual life, think about using our free Retreat Guides. Count on my prayers.

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Spiritual Mentorship and the Ministry of Relationship

For Lauren Lagarde, mentoring young adults along their faith journeys has become a mission and now a ministry, and it all came about from a touching promise to a friend. 

About seven years ago, one of Lauren’s close friends was dying, and had asked if, after she died, Lauren would be a support to her daughter, who was in her mid-twenties at the time. Of course, Lauren wholeheartedly agreed to her friend’s request, and would meet the young woman for coffee, lunch, or walks in the park, and eventually a beautiful friendship developed between the two. And it was in this relationship with her friend’s daughter that Lauren discovered not only the precious gift of mentoring, but a personal passion and call to accompany other young adults throughout their life journeys. 

While Lauren was in the process of taking a Lay Ecclesial Minister Program at the local seminary, this call to spiritual mentorship began to concretize. One of the course requirements was to develop and implement a ministry practicum, and Lauren, inspired by the relationship she had cultivated with her friend’s daughter, immediately felt called to work with young women who were searching for authentic meaning and connection in their lives. In order to better understand those whom she intended to serve, Lauren began by reaching out to about 25-30 young adult women and asking them a set of questions designed to get to the heart of what key issues were important to them, what challenges they faced, what their dreams and goals were in life, and what they genuinely desired. In collectively evaluating these responses, Lauren was able to develop a theme for young adult workshops.

While these questionnaires and their enlightening responses were vital for Lauren’s practicum work, she recognized that the most gratifying part of the experience for her were the one-on-one discussions she had with each of the young women with whom she was working. “The excitement I witnessed in them as they talked about the desires of their hearts was compelling,” remembers Lauren. “Joy and light radiated from each of them as they shared how they wanted to make a difference in the world, and it was apparent that they were so grateful just to be asked and to be listened to.” 

For Lauren, this realization was a turning point.

“I realized that I could be a listener and a guidepost for others.” 

Working with Father John Bullock, LC, who had been working with youth and serving in college chaplaincy for much of his priesthood, Lauren began reaching out to young adults seeking guidance and spiritual mentorship. In New Orleans, where she lives, the Regnum Christi young adult ministry is thriving, and there are several ongoing initiatives – like small group fellowship events, Days of Reflections, overnight retreats, and book studies – where spiritual mentoring is offered. 

Lauren believes that young adults need – and are seeking out – the gift of spiritual mentoring now more than ever. “Mentoring is not a new idea, but it has a unique purpose for this unique time in our culture today,” says Lauren. “The world of social media and its effects speak loudly – young adults are feeling isolated and depressed. Now more than ever, authentic and real relationships are needed, and that’s a role that mentoring can play. The desire to be heard, understood, affirmed, and loved for who they are is met in the relationship of mentor and mentee.”

For Katie Kampen, one of the young women whom Lauren mentors, this relationship has had a profound impact on her spiritual life and has taught her to approach her faith journey with more trust and confidence:

“Spiritual mentorship is an avenue for Jesus to guide my life. I see my mentor as a Proverbs 31 woman, who ‘laughs without fear of the future.’ She allows Jesus to show her the road to him in every possible route – the back roads, the fast lane, even the dead stop in traffic. She shares those directions to Jesus with me and encourages me to be on the lookout for new roads Jesus may have for me. He uses her life experiences to pour knowledge, wisdom, and courage into me, allowing me to go forth without fear of the future.”

And it’s not just the person being mentored who benefits from this important relationship; as mentor, Lauren herself feels she receives just as many fruits as the people she serves. “What I love about mentoring is the gift of watching others flourish and grow, both spiritually and emotionally, but I did not realize the impact it would have on me!” says Lauren. “Listening to their hopes and dreams, and watching them flourish into what God has intended them to be is an honor and a privilege. I think I receive much more than they do, and I think this is the beauty – God’s presence in the relationship gives their story and journey a sacredness that I am profoundly humbled to be a part of.”

Lauren and Father John are in the process of developing a spiritual mentorship ministry that will include suggestions for hosting workshops, recommendations of best practices, and guidelines on how to initiate a spiritual mentorship program in a Regnum Christi section – at a recent spiritual mentorship workshop in New Orleans, Regnum Christi members from a nearby section attended with the intention of starting up a program in their own area. Lauren and Father John hope to provide guidance and insight for Regnum Christi members that see the need for spiritual mentorship in their own section, and feel called to offer it in a coordinated and purposeful way. “We are finding that Regnum Christi members are called to this ministry of listening, loving, affirming, and challenging young adults to be the best version of themselves,” says Lauren. “Most of us have valuable life experiences that we can share with young adults, and that can be a benefit to others.”

Lauren has been a member of Regnum Christi for about twenty-five years, and is currently serving as Regnum Christi Director of New Orleans. For more information about spiritual mentorship, e-mail Lauren at lrlag111@gmail.com.

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!