November 9, 2018

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Is It OK to Gossip About a Troublesome Person?”

Q: I get worried about gossiping daily. So much so that it causes me great strife. My priest has told me that talking with a close friend about my problems with a certain person is OK and can even be helpful. This has been helpful, since I was trying to keep everything bottled up and was ready to explode. My question is: When does it become sinful? Thank you. – L.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: First, it would be good to try to define what is meant by the word gossip.

One definition describes gossip as “Talk informally about someone else’s private or personal business, esp. spreading negative or scandalous information even though it has not been confirmed to be true.”

Perhaps in your case you aren’t sharing things about a person that are unconfirmed. Rather, you seem to be sharing things that seem to be confirmed, at least from your point of view.

But in common usage the term gossip can also cover things that might be true.

For context it might be helpful to quote from three numbers in the Catechism:

No. 2477 says, “Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury. He becomes guilty: — of rash judgment who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral fault of a neighbor; of detraction who, without objectively valid reason, discloses another’s faults and failings to persons who did not know them.”

No. 2478 says: “To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbor’s thoughts, words, and deeds in a favorable way: Every good Christian ought to be more ready to give a favorable interpretation to another’s statement than to condemn it. But if he cannot do so, let him ask how the other understands it. And if the latter understands it badly, let the former correct him with love. If that does not suffice, let the Christian try all suitable ways to bring the other to a correct interpretation so that he may be saved.”

No. 2479 says: “Detraction and calumny destroy the reputation and honor of one’s neighbor. Honor is the social witness given to human dignity, and everyone enjoys a natural right to the honor of his name and reputation and to respect. Thus, detraction and calumny offend against the virtues of justice and charity.”

A key phrase in No. 2477 is: “without objectively valid reason.” I don’t know your full situation. Your local priest probably knows it much better than I, so I won’t try to second-guess him.

Certainly, it isn’t healthy to keep things bottled up to the point where you are ready to explode.

If you need to get things in the open, then it would be good to do it in a constructive way. The ideal would be to go to the person with whom you have the problems, and try to work things out privately.

When you speak with someone else about your difficulties, focus more on your challenges and feelings, not on the faults of the other person. That avoids turning healthy venting into destructive whining or gossip. I recommend our Regnum Christi Essay which goes in depth on this topic, “Sharpening Your Tongue,” available as a booklet or in e-book.

Another good rule of thumb might be this: Don’t complain (elaborating on another person’s faults) to anyone who isn’t able to do something about it. This doesn’t exclude speaking with, say, a spouse about problems. A spouse (ideally) could help you think through things and approach a problem constructively.

Strictly speaking, though, gossip as such is best avoided. It has a way of corroding relationships and souring the tone of conversation.

That you admit to “gossiping daily” sends up a red flag. Constructive conversations about problems lead (again ideally) to resolution. If you find yourself dredging up the same complaints day after day, that isn’t a good sign.

Perhaps this is the moment for a time-out, to refrain from speaking about the troublesome person for a while. Perhaps it would be particularly good to take the whole matter to prayer. The Holy Spirit will guide you.

A good sign that the Spirit is guiding you is that you see a growth in patience with that irksome person who, after all, is a beloved child of God.

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Jack Bisgrove: The Passing of a Regnum Christi Apostle

If you were to paint a picture of a Regnum Christi apostle, you could well pick Jack Bisgrove for your model.

Jack, one of the original RC members in upstate New York, passed away November 4, at age 79. He was a man of deep, abiding faith.

Jack was the father of former seminarian, Brian Bisgrove, who founded Conquest after he was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer.  Brian died in 1998.  When Jack first found out about his son’s disease, he told his RC team that “God reached down and touched our family today” and he never questioned why.  He trusted in God’s plan. After Brian died, Jack spent many years of his life carrying on his son’s legacy by launching Conquest throughout the country.

To know Jack the father, you need to know a bit of Brian the son.  In each, you might experience much of the other.

As a boy, Brian loved to play sports and spend time outdoors exploring nature; he enjoyed family gatherings, especially trips to the Adirondack Mountains. His many friendships were an essential part of his life. When he was twelve, he decided to attend a minor seminary of the Legionaries of Christ. In his application letter, Brian wrote, “I am not sure that God is calling me to be a priest, but I want to be with boys who are searching for God’s plan for their lives.”

Brian completed High school at the age of 16. With the help of his superiors and his family, he discerned that God was calling him to the lay vocation, in which he could help boys and young men develop into Catholic leaders who would bring Christ to the modern world. When he returned home, he met with his friends that he had left a few years prior, and realized that many had succumbed to the secular enticements of the world. He wanted more than anything to share his joy in what he had found; a personal friendship with Christ. His utmost desire was for them to receive the gift of faith formation that he had received in the minor seminary. He began getting them together to play sports, a common thread and an activity that all enjoyed. He introduced them to his friend Jesus Christ through Gospel reflections, and the first youth program was born. He volunteered to work with a priest who was serving in Syracuse. He started four youth programs, developed a team of businessmen to support his efforts, and identified a major sports facility that could host the youth programs. After two years, at age 19, he decided to return home to work on the family farm while continuing his apostolate.

However, God had a different plan for Brian. The day he was to start work, May 1, 1996, he had exploratory surgery to find the cause of continuous sinus infections and severe headaches. The operation revealed a tumor in his sinuses. This was the beginning of his two-year struggle with cancer.

After major surgery for his sinus tumor, the doctor informed Brian of the very serious pain he would be undergoing because of the operation, and how to control it through the intravenous medication available to him, saying, “If the pain gets too great, you just push this button here for an injection of morphine, which will help.” Brian told the doctor that he didn’t want the morphine and asked to have it removed.  His doctor tried to reason with him, explaining, “No, Brian, you see, you don’t understand. You are about to experience more pain than you have in your entire life. We’ll just leave it there… just in case.” Brian had another plan.  He told the surgeon, “No, doctor, you see, you don’t understand: in my condition, I can no longer work for the boys the way I used to be able to; this is all I have to offer up for them; and you’re not going to take it away from me. I want it removed.” 

Throughout his illness, Brian continued to develop a plan to establish boys’ youth programs called “Conquest” that would offer fun and formation, and bring young men closer to his friend Jesus Christ. He encountered many frustrations in his early efforts, but through them he became convinced that a simple starter program was needed, to get boys involved at a younger age, one that would allow fathers to work with the boys and invite younger boys to participate in the program. This led to the later concept of the first Conquest Junior Program.

Brian died on February 10, 1998, at the young age of 21. But as there was a like-minded apostle in the family, his Conquest dreams continued. Like son, like father.

Jack took up the mission of Conquest and helped form a team to institutionalize the apostolate, making it into a formal youth program that could be spread far and wide. The Conquest national team today believes that abundant graces are still being received through all of the suffering that Brian offered up for the boys and dads of Conquest. In fact, between Conquest and Challenge (its counterpart for girls) there are some 150 clubs across North America with more than 7,000 participants.

Brian wanted a specific quote placed on his funeral card, and that quote sounds like exactly what every member of Conquest strives for: “To know the will of God is the greatest knowledge. To find the will of God is the greatest discovery. To do the will of God is the greatest achievement.”

Jack, like his son, was a true believer in the power of forming young men:

“If you take a young boy and guide him through adolescence so that he doesn’t compromise himself, what you have at the end of that journey is a young man who understands who he is, has a strong relationship with Christ, and is ready to set the world on fire.”

Jack – like Brian – faced death (also from terminal cancer) with peace and faith.  When he was recently asked by a family member how he was coping with the disease and its approaching outcome, Jack replied simply, “I am at the station waiting for the next bus.”

Jack was a native of Auburn, NY, and husband of Marsha Coleman Bisgrove. He was the son of the late Irene (Nolan) and John Bisgrove, Sr.  After college, he returned home to work with his father and brother in the family trucking business, Red Star Express Lines, eventually leading the growing company as president & CEO. After retiring from the trucking industry, he focused his entrepreneurial talents toward his love for nature, establishing Sunrise Farm in Owasco. Always dedicated to the Auburn community, Jack served on many local boards and charitable organizations.

Jack was a member of St. Mary’s Church. His passion for the Catholic Faith was manifested in his commitment to local parishes and his involvement in Catholic education. This was evidenced by his 30-year tenure of leadership on the board of Northeast Catholic College in Warner, NH and his support for the Legionaries of Christ, especially their work with youth and the formation of priests.

Jack’s greatest love was his family. He spent many hours sharing his faith, his love for the outdoors, and his Italian heritage with his children and his 20 grandchildren. Always the philosopher and mentor, Jack loved to discuss the dignity and value of every human person, and he led by example in all his interactions. His kindness, generosity, and sincerity continue to give everyone who knew him “big shoes to fill.” He lived by his motto: “I aspire to inspire before I expire.”

In addition to his loving wife of 54 years, he is survived by a son, John Bisgrove III; three daughters, Laura (Kenneth) Boyd and their children Jeffrey, Amanda, and Brian; Sherry (Kevin) Panas and their children Sgt. Joshua, USMC, LCPL Isaac, USMC, LCPL Dominic, USMC, Paul, Angela, Matthew, Maria, Andrew, Maggie and Jack; Rhonda (Thomas) Maier and their children A1C Joseph, USAF, Johnpaul, Christopher, Thomas, Stephen, Benedict and Patrick; a brother Jerry Bisgrove; sisters Betty Jean Kinsella and Mary Lou Jones, several nieces, nephews and cousins.

 

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Regnum Christi Celebrates Vocation Awareness Week

The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) announced that the 2018 National Vocation Awareness Week would be from November 4-10. Regnum Christi members all over the North American territory have been participating this week through providing discernment tips, praying for vocations and sharing vocation stories.

Discernment Tips

The Consecrated Women of Regnum Christi have been sharing discernment tips each day, all week, on their Instagram page. They said  “This National Vocations Awareness Week, we want to offer you a few tips for preparing your heart to hear God’s call to the mission he has for you.” The consecrated women have done a beautiful job helping us all prepare our hearts to hear God’s call, you can check out their tips and follow them by visiting their Instagram page @consecratedwomen_rcna

Here’s a little sample of what the consecrated women have been sharing this week:

“Get to know God. God wants a relationship with you, and this relationship of love is going to be at the center of whatever vocation he is calling you to. The better you know God, the better you are going to know who you truly are and who he calls you to be. There are two places we get to know him: Sacred Scripture and the Eucharist. Making extra time for Mass, adoration, and reading Scripture is an excellent way to start preparing your heart for the mission he has for you.”

Prayers for Vocations

In a USCCB news release, dated October 1, 2018, Cardinal Joseph Tobin, Chairman of the USCCB’s Committee on Clergy, Consecrated Life and Vocations states: “Quiet reflection and prayer are essential elements for vocational discernment. It is in the interior depths of our heart where we hear the voice of Christ, where he speaks to us, and where he reveals his will for our lives.”

Please join us in a prayer for vocations.

Lord Jesus, Eternal Shepherd, in your kindness, look with mercy in this part of your beloved flock. Lord, we cry out to you as orphans: Grant us vocations! Call many of your people to be Holy Priests and Consecrated men and women.

We ask Mary, your tender, holy Mother, Our Lady of Guadalupe, to intercede for us.

Jesus, grant us priests and Consecrated persons after Your own Heart! Amen.

The USCCB also offer many additional prayers for vocations. One is to St. Juniper Serra:

O sincere and humble Saint Serra, we ask for your intercession that those called to serve our Lord through priestly and religious vocations might do so with the same obedience, zeal, and humility you exhibited as a priest, brother, teacher, and spiritual father. We ask this through Christ, our Lord. Amen.

Consider a Vocation

National Vocation Awareness Week is designed to help promote vocation awareness and to encourage young people to ask the question: “To what vocation in life is God calling me?”

In answering a question as big as this it’s sometimes helpful to hear how others have responded to the same question and how they heard God’s call.  So, we’ve included a testimonial from each of the four vocations within the Regnum Christi spiritual family below.

Fr. David Daly, Legionaries of Christ

“I’d already been in Regnum Christi for a year or so…it kind of resonated (with me): the lifestyle, the prayers. I liked the fraternity, the brotherhood, the discipline, the intensity, and seriousness of the Legionaries I saw and the other young men in the candidacy program. I was really attracted by the clear mission and the great ideals of changing the world for Christ.” Read Full Story

Antonio Maza, Lay Consecrated Men of Regnum Christi

“God placed in my heart a strong inclination to help others at an early age. I remember working Sundays as a volunteer at a local orphanage. Later on, this inclination was transformed, through the tragic death of a friend, into a desire to become a physician. But, during my last year of high school, God changed my plans and helped me see that people need Christ more than they need a physician.” Read Full Story

Emily Roman, Consecrated Women of Regnum Christi

“My dad sent my sister and me on one of the first ECYD retreats in North Carolina. We didn’t have a choice but, after I went, I was super grateful. The way the consecrated women would speak about Christ, the way they led these different activities set my heart on fire and made me realize that they had something that I wanted. I was ready to change the world. I wanted to give my life for Christ from the first retreat.” Read Full Story

Katie and Chris Baker, Lay Members of Regnum Christi

“It was a long journey of coming to know who we are, being inspired to go deeper, and also recognizing God’s love. The more we experienced God’s love, the more we grew to trust him and encounter him in our lives, in our marriage, and in the people he was placing in our lives. We kind of both came to a point where we thought, ‘we want to give back what we’ve received,’ and that was the moment where suddenly we realized we wanted to become a part of Regnum Christi.” Read Full Story

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!