{"id":203359,"date":"2026-08-21T00:01:27","date_gmt":"2026-08-21T04:01:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/?p=203359&preview=true&preview_id=203359"},"modified":"2026-08-21T09:00:33","modified_gmt":"2026-08-21T13:00:33","slug":"what-if-i-and-my-spouse-struggle-with-faith","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/what-if-i-and-my-spouse-struggle-with-faith\/","title":{"rendered":"What If I and My Spouse Struggle With Faith?"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Q: I and my non-Catholic husband just welcomed our first child back in November. Having a daughter has made me take a hard look at my own spiritual life. While I grew up Catholic, I fell into a very secular group in college. I tried to join a local Bible study but eventually stopped going because I didn’t feel valued. At the same time, I met my husband in that group in college. He is selfless, kind to everyone, and supportive of my faith. We’re a strong partnership and talk through everything. But my husband struggles a lot with faith. He was baptized Methodist but never got a true faith foundation. He struggles with feeling condemned and judged. I feel as though I haven’t been living my faith and that for all the good intentions of my heart \u2014 including weekly Mass and weekly adoration \u2014 I\u2019m still a lukewarm Catholic who doesn’t truly know Jesus. I still struggle with trying to earn Jesus\u2019 love and letting my life be dictated by fear and anxiety. Lately I’ve felt scared about my salvation. When I talked about these struggles with my husband, he felt scared and unsure of how to help me. I know it is my duty as a wife to help my husband find his faith and attain heaven. I went into marriage knowing that I can never change him but hoping Jesus can. I love my husband so much and I want him to find his faith. I don’t know how to do that though. How can we live our lives and marriage in line with God’s will when we struggle individually and as a couple? Any advice would be deeply appreciated. \u2014 Ally<\/p>\n<\/address><\/blockquote>\n

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC<\/em>:<\/p>\n

It’s good that you and your husband have talked about faith and salvation, etc. That is a grace in itself.<\/p>\n

From what you say, you and your husband are works in progress. That is normal.<\/p>\n

We are all a work in progress. We wrestle with our limitations and passions and at times our shaky faith.<\/p>\n

This is one reason Jesus founded the Church and left us the sacraments: He knew that we would need his grace to get through life and attain salvation.<\/p>\n

The first suggestion is: Don’t beat up on yourself. You don’t have to earn Jesus’ love. He already loves you and your husband and daughter. That is why he willingly suffered and died on a cross for your redemption.<\/p>\n

The second suggestion is: The best way to help your husband is for you to live your faith fully.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t be discouraged by your past or present limitations. You are called to holiness, and you can attain it with God\u2019s grace. \u201cFor God all things are possible\u201d (Matthew 19:26).<\/p>\n

Offer up your Masses and Eucharistic adoration for your husband. Do so confidently, knowing that God loves him even more than you do.<\/p>\n

And to know Jesus better, strive to imitate him in everything you do.<\/p>\n

It might help for you and your husband to study the Catholic faith in a systemic way.<\/p>\n

Think of getting copies of the Youth Catechism (OK for any age) or the U.S. Catholic Catechism for Adults.<\/p>\n

Think of watching Father Mike Schmitz’s “Catechism in a Year” YouTube series. Tune in to Catholic radio at home or on the road. Or access it online.<\/p>\n

Of particular help might be to learn more about the Divine Mercy devotion.<\/p>\n

One thing that should become apparent as you learn about the faith is that it’s a faith of hope and of God’s merciful love.<\/p>\n

Cultivate a devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary through the rosary. And find a solid, regular confessor to guide you.<\/p>\n

If the feelings of fear continue to grip you and\/or your husband, think about seeing a Catholic counselor.<\/p>\n

Then take things one day at a time. Count on my prayers. <\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Edward McIlmail, LC","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","caption":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC"},"description":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC, ordained to the priesthood in 2001, taught theology and Scripture at the then Mater Ecclesiae College in Rhode Island and is now a part-time chaplain at Overbrook Academy in Greenville, R.I. He holds degrees from Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Connecticut, the Regina Apostolorum Athenaeum in Rome, and Northwestern University in Illinois. He was an assistant publisher of the National Catholic Register and Faith & Family magazine and an editor of the Zenit news agency\u2019s English edition. He has written for\u00a0SpiritualDirection.com\u00a0and\u00a0ePriest. Fr. McIlmail also worked in spiritual retreats in the Northeast, New England, the Midwest, and the South\u00a0and assisted with mission work in Mexico. Born in Philadelphia, he worked in journalism and was active in the pro-life movement before entering the novitiate of the Legion of Christ in 1992. His contributions to RCSpirituality include responding to\u00a0Ask A Priest\u00a0questions and sharing his insights in our\u00a0Weekly Newsletter.","url":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/author\/emcilmail\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/203359","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/362"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=203359"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/203359\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/157773"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=203359"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=203359"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=203359"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=203359"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}