{"id":158146,"date":"2025-08-19T09:30:42","date_gmt":"2025-08-19T13:30:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/?p=158146"},"modified":"2024-12-02T12:35:20","modified_gmt":"2024-12-02T17:35:20","slug":"ask-a-priest-what-if-my-fiancee-downplays-the-mass-and-the-rosary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-what-if-my-fiancee-downplays-the-mass-and-the-rosary\/","title":{"rendered":"“Ask a Priest: What If My Fianc\u00e9e Downplays the Mass and the Rosary?”"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Q: I am struggling to find ways to grow in the faith with my fianc\u00e9e. We are both Catholic, but she doesn’t follow many of the teachings of the Church or practice a deep life of prayer. She feels that going to Mass every Sunday and going to confession regularly aren’t necessary for deepening her faith. I have tried to talk to her about how the sacraments are where we meet Jesus and that there are abundant graces in practices like the rosary or other devotions. However, she shirks these off and says, “I don’t get anything out of those.” There was probably poor catechesis in her early faith formation. What can I do to help guide her as her future spouse? She says sometimes she feels shameful when I bring up things like lack of regular confession or making it to Mass. I’ve tried to tell her it comes from a place of love and care for her, but she feels as though I’m being self-righteous. I’m trying to lead by example and not force her to do any of these things, but I can’t help worrying about her immortal soul. What ways or resources are out there to help people learn about what our place as laity is in the Church and our role as the Body of Christ? Thank you. \u2013 D.N.<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC<\/em> A:\u00a0It’s admirable that you want to help your fianc\u00e9e to grow in the faith. A short answer is: Start to offer up sacrifices for her. This can take the form of mortification (fasting, cold showers, lots of physical work) or Eucharistic adoration, for starters. The longer answer is: Be careful! Conversions can happen, of course. But when it comes to your fianc\u00e9e it might be good to look for signs of real progress \u2014 before the wedding. She is resisting your comments about the need for regular attendance at Mass, etc. That indicates that she isn\u2019t as far along on her spiritual journey as you are. Poor instruction in the faith might be a factor. Nevertheless, you need to ask yourself whether you could see yourself married to her for the rest of your life if she doesn’t change her attitude about Mass and prayer<\/em>.\u00a0Could you see her as someone who would help raise your children well in the faith? It\u2019s tempting to think that with enough nudging, you will help her become a better Catholic. Conversion, of course, depends on God’s grace. But people need to be open to that grace. If your fianc\u00e9e\u2019s formation was weak, invite her to join you in reading the Youth Catechism or the U.S. Catholic Catechism for Adults together. Start talking out things issue by issue. You mention that she doesn’t follow many of the teachings of the Church. This, too, is an area where you would be wise to look for progress. It would also be good to seek out a marriage-preparation course that will force the both of you to answer serious questions. You might look for a program that uses something like the FOCCUS Pre-marriage Inventory<\/a>. In the meantime, keep up those prayers and sacrifices. And count on my prayers. \u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Q: I am struggling to find ways to grow in the faith with my fianc\u00e9e. 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Edward McIlmail, LC","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","caption":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC"},"description":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC, ordained to the priesthood in 2001, taught theology and Scripture at the then Mater Ecclesiae College in Rhode Island and is now a part-time chaplain at Overbrook Academy in Greenville, R.I. He holds degrees from Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Connecticut, the Regina Apostolorum Athenaeum in Rome, and Northwestern University in Illinois. He was an assistant publisher of the National Catholic Register and Faith & Family magazine and an editor of the Zenit news agency\u2019s English edition. He has written for\u00a0SpiritualDirection.com\u00a0and\u00a0ePriest. Fr. McIlmail also worked in spiritual retreats in the Northeast, New England, the Midwest, and the South\u00a0and assisted with mission work in Mexico. Born in Philadelphia, he worked in journalism and was active in the pro-life movement before entering the novitiate of the Legion of Christ in 1992. His contributions to RCSpirituality include responding to\u00a0Ask A Priest\u00a0questions and sharing his insights in our\u00a0Weekly Newsletter.","url":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/author\/emcilmail\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/158146","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/362"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=158146"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/158146\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/157773"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=158146"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=158146"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=158146"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=158146"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}