{"id":153417,"date":"2022-02-11T10:30:36","date_gmt":"2022-02-11T15:30:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-what-if-i-and-my-boyfriend-had-a-fall\/"},"modified":"2024-10-22T14:55:16","modified_gmt":"2024-10-22T18:55:16","slug":"ask-a-priest-what-if-i-and-my-boyfriend-had-a-fall","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-what-if-i-and-my-boyfriend-had-a-fall\/","title":{"rendered":"“Ask a Priest: What If I and My Boyfriend Had a Fall?”"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and we care for each other deeply, but I regret sharing our virginities with each other. We had all of our first experiences together and we truly felt connected, but I have so much regret for some reason. I feel as though he can\u2019t possibly be able to love me now that I\u2019m not a virgin anymore. I know what I did was a sin and I went to confession. What can I do to cope with this regret after repenting, and what action can I take from here on out? Even if I marry my boyfriend, will the consummation of our marriage not be as special? Due to my fornication, will I be unable to fully love? I\u2019m really scared. \u2013 Angie<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC<\/em><\/p>\n

A: It is good that you recognized your mistake and that you sought out confession.<\/p>\n

It is good to remember that love is an act of the will, not the emotions. What you and your friend decide in the future will be acts of the will. So, yes, you can “fully love” if you commit to it and are open to God’s grace.<\/p>\n

Moreover, if your friend is baptized, your marriage in the Church would be sacramental and bring a special grace to help you and him grow in holiness.<\/p>\n

Will the wedding night be as special as it could have been? Maybe not. But if the thought of that saddens you, let it be a motivation to live a life of holiness from here on out. If the sadness leaves you depressed and anxious and paralyzed, that feeling isn’t coming from the Holy Spirit.<\/p>\n

God has forgiven you, and he can bring something good out of the mistakes you made. Perhaps it will help you to appreciate purity more. Perhaps it will motivate you to encourage others to remain virgins before marriage.<\/p>\n

You and your friend will especially want to set firm boundaries for yourselves. Try to plan your time together well. Aim to be in public places, and avoid ending up together in an empty apartment or house for long periods. Dress modestly.<\/p>\n

Encourage each other in prayer. Have frequent recourse to the sacraments. Stay close to the Blessed Virgin Mary through the rosary, and make that resolution to stay on the course of holiness.<\/p>\n

And take courage in the example of others in Church history who had their falls in chastity but who later gave themselves over to God. If the once-wild Augustine could become a saint, you can, too.<\/p>\n

Keep learning more with <\/span>Ask a Priest<\/a><\/p>\n

Got a question? Need an answer?<\/h3>\n

Today\u2019s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type your question HERE<\/a>\u00a0and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything \u2013 liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events\u2026 Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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He was an assistant publisher of the National Catholic Register and Faith & Family magazine and an editor of the Zenit news agency\u2019s English edition. He has written for\u00a0SpiritualDirection.com\u00a0and\u00a0ePriest. Fr. McIlmail also worked in spiritual retreats in the Northeast, New England, the Midwest, and the South\u00a0and assisted with mission work in Mexico. Born in Philadelphia, he worked in journalism and was active in the pro-life movement before entering the novitiate of the Legion of Christ in 1992. His contributions to RCSpirituality include responding to\u00a0Ask A Priest\u00a0questions and sharing his insights in our\u00a0Weekly Newsletter.","url":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/author\/emcilmail\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153417","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/362"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=153417"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153417\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/145952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=153417"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=153417"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=153417"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=153417"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}