{"id":153385,"date":"2022-03-15T09:30:58","date_gmt":"2022-03-15T13:30:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-is-it-ok-to-have-a-close-connection-with-a-non-spouse\/"},"modified":"2024-10-22T15:00:46","modified_gmt":"2024-10-22T19:00:46","slug":"ask-a-priest-is-it-ok-to-have-a-close-connection-with-a-non-spouse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-is-it-ok-to-have-a-close-connection-with-a-non-spouse\/","title":{"rendered":"“Ask a Priest: Is It OK to Have a Close \u2018Connection\u2019 With a Non-Spouse?”"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Q: Can you advise whether it\u2019s a mortal sin for a married woman to have an emotional and spiritual connection with a man friend who is not her husband? \u2013 E.<\/p>\n

\n<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC<\/em><\/p>\n

A:\u00a0It’s hard to offer an answer that applies in every case.<\/p>\n

It is one thing for a 23-year-old newlywed to have warm ties with a grandfatherly 70-year-old whom she sees twice a year. It’s another for a 35-year-old to have close ties with a 37-year-old single man at the office.<\/p>\n

And an emotional and spiritual “connection” can mean a lot of different things. Emotional might mean their personalities complement each other. Spiritual could mean they share a love for Scripture or the writings of St. John of the Cross, or they share a deep devotion to St. Th\u00e9r\u00e8se of Lisieux.<\/p>\n

But if by emotional you mean the two are sharing deep secrets and becoming jealous about their time together — that could be a danger signal. If by spiritual you mean that they are becoming each other\u2019s personal guru or seeing themselves as a righteous duo taking on the world \u2013 that could be a danger signal, too.<\/p>\n

This is especially the case where someone feels a bit alienated from her spouse.<\/p>\n

The fact that you are asking this question might be a sign that you perceive something amiss in a relationship.<\/p>\n

Without knowing anything about the people involved, it might be good for someone in this position to have a solid, regular confessor or spiritual director. An objective third party could help the person navigate treacherous waters.<\/p>\n

At one point or another we can fall into risky habits or relationships. We can have blind spots. And we have a tendency to rationalize things if we aren\u2019t careful.<\/p>\n

A married person who asks whether this or that relationship is sinful, is probably focused on the wrong question. The better question is: How can I go deeper in living my marriage vows? What can I do to help my spouse and myself grow in holiness? Married people\u2019s friendships should contribute to<\/em> the good of their marriage, not threaten or detract<\/em> from it. That is the rule of thumb.<\/p>\n

A married person who is uneasy about a relationship with a non-spouse might want to dedicate some to prayer and reading about the spiritual dimension of marriage. Book ideas could be found at this link<\/a>. I hope some of this helps.<\/p>\n

Keep learning more with <\/span>Ask a Priest<\/a><\/p>\n

Got a question? Need an answer?<\/h3>\n

Today\u2019s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type your question HERE<\/a>\u00a0and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything \u2013 liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events\u2026 Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Edward McIlmail, LC","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","caption":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC"},"description":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC, ordained to the priesthood in 2001, taught theology and Scripture at the then Mater Ecclesiae College in Rhode Island and is now a part-time chaplain at Overbrook Academy in Greenville, R.I. He holds degrees from Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Connecticut, the Regina Apostolorum Athenaeum in Rome, and Northwestern University in Illinois. He was an assistant publisher of the National Catholic Register and Faith & Family magazine and an editor of the Zenit news agency\u2019s English edition. He has written for\u00a0SpiritualDirection.com\u00a0and\u00a0ePriest. Fr. McIlmail also worked in spiritual retreats in the Northeast, New England, the Midwest, and the South\u00a0and assisted with mission work in Mexico. Born in Philadelphia, he worked in journalism and was active in the pro-life movement before entering the novitiate of the Legion of Christ in 1992. His contributions to RCSpirituality include responding to\u00a0Ask A Priest\u00a0questions and sharing his insights in our\u00a0Weekly Newsletter.","url":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/author\/emcilmail\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153385","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/362"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=153385"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153385\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/145952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=153385"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=153385"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=153385"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=153385"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}