{"id":153269,"date":"2021-01-08T10:30:19","date_gmt":"2021-01-08T15:30:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-could-i-marry-validly-if-i-dont-want-kids\/"},"modified":"2024-10-22T15:05:34","modified_gmt":"2024-10-22T19:05:34","slug":"ask-a-priest-could-i-marry-validly-if-i-dont-want-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-could-i-marry-validly-if-i-dont-want-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"“Ask a Priest: Could I Marry Validly If I Don’t Want Kids?”"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Q: I was raised in a practicing Catholic household. I strongly believe in God but haven\u2019t always agreed with everything that the Catholic faith teaches. Since graduating school, I have not been attending religious services as often as I probably should have. Recently, my boyfriend and I have been thinking about getting married. So far, we have been practicing spirituality and living our lives in accordance with Catholic morals, so I feel strong in my faith in that respect. However, when it comes to wedding planning I feel a bit torn. I do appreciate the religious community of the Church, and I want my wedding to be recognized in the eyes of the Church. However, I just can\u2019t bring myself to agree 100% with the Church\u2019s views on marriage requirements, such as being open to have children, when that is something I don\u2019t want. I just don\u2019t know if I can go through a ceremony agreeing to values I wouldn\u2019t want to practice. I want to live my life in a manner that is pleasing to God, and it worries me that my marriage would be sinful if not in the Church. I feel that would upset my family as well. I\u2019ve been praying to try to ask God what he wants for me, but I\u2019m still conflicted. What is the right thing to do in this situation? \u2013 N.B.<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC<\/em><\/p>\n

A:\u00a0It’s good that you are honest enough to admit that you don’t want children.<\/p>\n

Not being open to children would normally be an impediment to a Church wedding.<\/p>\n

Marriage is created by God with a twofold dimension: unitive for the spouses, and procreative.<\/p>\n

That means that a couple has to be open to life in order to enter a valid marriage.<\/p>\n

To deliberately rule out children would be, in effect, to slam the door on God\u2019s beautiful and wise plan for marriage.<\/p>\n

At a deeper level, perhaps, the fear of children can reflect a lack of hope in the future. Or a lack of trust in God’s providence. It could also reflect selfishness, though I am not sure of the reasons behind your own thoughts on the issue.<\/p>\n

It might be good to step back and look at the big picture. You say that you strongly believe in God, but that you don’t agree with all the Church’s teachings. Jesus founded the Church, in part, to teach us the truths revealed by God.<\/p>\n

So to have a problem with Church teaching on marriage is to have a problem with God’s teaching on marriage.<\/p>\n

It might be good to try to go a little deeper into the theology of marriage.<\/p>\n

You and your friend might want to view our “Three Hearts<\/a>” online retreat together.<\/p>\n

You might want to read a few Catholic books on marriage. Websites such as this one<\/a> recommend many fine books.<\/p>\n

In the meantime it might help to intensify your prayer life and sacramental life (including regular Mass attendance), and to find a solid, regular confessor or spiritual director to guide you.<\/p>\n

And be open with any priest or deacon or layperson you might encounter in a marriage-prep course. Count on my prayers, OK?<\/p>\n

Keep learning more with <\/span>Ask a Priest<\/a><\/p>\n

Got a question? Need an answer?<\/h3>\n

Today\u2019s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to AskAPriest@rcspiritual.wpenginepowered.com<\/a> and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything \u2013 liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events\u2026 Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Edward McIlmail, LC","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","caption":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC"},"description":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC, ordained to the priesthood in 2001, taught theology and Scripture at the then Mater Ecclesiae College in Rhode Island and is now a part-time chaplain at Overbrook Academy in Greenville, R.I. He holds degrees from Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Connecticut, the Regina Apostolorum Athenaeum in Rome, and Northwestern University in Illinois. He was an assistant publisher of the National Catholic Register and Faith & Family magazine and an editor of the Zenit news agency\u2019s English edition. He has written for\u00a0SpiritualDirection.com\u00a0and\u00a0ePriest. Fr. McIlmail also worked in spiritual retreats in the Northeast, New England, the Midwest, and the South\u00a0and assisted with mission work in Mexico. Born in Philadelphia, he worked in journalism and was active in the pro-life movement before entering the novitiate of the Legion of Christ in 1992. His contributions to RCSpirituality include responding to\u00a0Ask A Priest\u00a0questions and sharing his insights in our\u00a0Weekly Newsletter.","url":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/author\/emcilmail\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153269","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/362"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=153269"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153269\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/145952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=153269"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=153269"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=153269"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=153269"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}