{"id":153255,"date":"2020-12-01T10:30:00","date_gmt":"2020-12-01T15:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-what-if-my-boyfriend-wont-go-to-the-rcia\/"},"modified":"2024-10-22T15:05:40","modified_gmt":"2024-10-22T19:05:40","slug":"ask-a-priest-what-if-my-boyfriend-wont-go-to-the-rcia","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-what-if-my-boyfriend-wont-go-to-the-rcia\/","title":{"rendered":"“Ask a Priest: What If My Boyfriend Won’t Go to the RCIA?”"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Q: I love a man who believes in God but has never been baptized. He wants to be, but isn\u2019t quite committed enough to attend RCIA classes, let alone go to Mass once a week, especially since it interferes with his weekend partying ways! What do I do? Encourage him to be baptized anywhere, or keep praying he will realize the Catholic Church is the only way to go? We have been in a loving non-sexual relationship. But I am reluctant to commit to marriage to someone not committed to God as I am. Thanks for your help. \u2013 I.<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC<\/em><\/p>\n

A:\u00a0It’s good that you are so concerned around your friend. It is also good that you want to be married to someone who shares your commitment to God.<\/p>\n

A few observations might be helpful.<\/p>\n

First, faith is a gift of God. We can encourage a person to be open to the gift, but ultimately the timetable is out of our control.<\/p>\n

Your friend is on a journey that requires his cooperation with God’s grace. If he isn’t ready for the RCIA or doesn’t want to attend Mass because of his party schedule, that indicates he still has a distance to go.<\/p>\n

Second, while baptism would be a gift in itself, it’s not clear how he would make his way into a non-Catholic denomination. Would you accompany him? Does he have friends who would introduce him to their denomination?<\/p>\n

A potential complication for your relationship would arise if he were to join a Protestant or evangelical group. Many of these groups, by nature, have beliefs opposed to the Catholic faith. Some are overtly hostile to the Church.<\/p>\n

If your friend were to join one of those groups, you and he might have baptism in common, but little else. That could make for a rocky relationship and a very difficult marriage.<\/p>\n

Third, the grace of God can work marvels in a soul. But you want to be careful and to try to verify your friend’s spiritual progress. Are you seeing progress in his spiritual life week by week, month by month?<\/p>\n

A danger here is that little by little you can become emotionally attached to him, and then be tempted to stoke your own (unfounded) hopes for his future conversion. Or worse, you might be tempted to downplay talk of religion altogether.<\/p>\n

So be careful. More than a few women have convinced themselves that they will change the man they love — only to find that he proves to be more stubborn than they ever expected.<\/p>\n

A good reality-check question to ask yourself is: Could I live with this man, as he is,<\/em> for the rest of my life? If he never receives baptism, never enters the Church, could I live with that? And what if his weekend partying ways prove to be enduring? Could I see him as the father of my children?<\/p>\n

So … you might want to intensify your prayers for him, but look for progress. If the partying continues, if his opposition to RCIA and Mass continues, then you might want to rethink the long-term prospects of the relationship.<\/p>\n

Count on my prayers, OK?<\/p>\n

Keep learning more with <\/span>Ask a Priest<\/a><\/p>\n

Got a question? Need an answer?<\/h3>\n

Today\u2019s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to AskAPriest@rcspiritual.wpenginepowered.com<\/a> and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything \u2013 liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events\u2026 Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Edward McIlmail, LC","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","caption":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC"},"description":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC, ordained to the priesthood in 2001, taught theology and Scripture at the then Mater Ecclesiae College in Rhode Island and is now a part-time chaplain at Overbrook Academy in Greenville, R.I. He holds degrees from Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Connecticut, the Regina Apostolorum Athenaeum in Rome, and Northwestern University in Illinois. He was an assistant publisher of the National Catholic Register and Faith & Family magazine and an editor of the Zenit news agency\u2019s English edition. He has written for\u00a0SpiritualDirection.com\u00a0and\u00a0ePriest. Fr. McIlmail also worked in spiritual retreats in the Northeast, New England, the Midwest, and the South\u00a0and assisted with mission work in Mexico. Born in Philadelphia, he worked in journalism and was active in the pro-life movement before entering the novitiate of the Legion of Christ in 1992. His contributions to RCSpirituality include responding to\u00a0Ask A Priest\u00a0questions and sharing his insights in our\u00a0Weekly Newsletter.","url":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/author\/emcilmail\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153255","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/362"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=153255"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153255\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/145952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=153255"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=153255"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=153255"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=153255"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}