{"id":153206,"date":"2021-02-05T10:30:44","date_gmt":"2021-02-05T15:30:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-when-does-venting-become-detraction\/"},"modified":"2024-10-22T14:56:19","modified_gmt":"2024-10-22T18:56:19","slug":"ask-a-priest-when-does-venting-become-detraction","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-when-does-venting-become-detraction\/","title":{"rendered":"“Ask a Priest: When Does Venting Become Detraction?”"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Q: I have a hard time discerning when I am venting versus when I\u2019m committing the sin of detraction. Further yet, I don\u2019t know when venial detraction turns into mortal detraction. Is there a way to tell the difference? \u2013 A.Y.<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC<\/em><\/p>\n

A:\u00a0The Catechism in No. 2477 says:<\/p>\n

“He becomes guilty […] of detraction <\/em>who, without objectively valid reason, discloses another’s faults and failings to persons who did not know them.”<\/p>\n

The key phrase is “without objectively valid reason.” Often there is no pressing need to disclose other people’s faults.<\/p>\n

There are, however, times when we do need to speak up.<\/p>\n

How to tell the difference? There are no hard-and-fast rules that apply in every case.<\/p>\n

Venting, when it consists of violent complaining about other people, has actually be proven, even physiologically, to exacerbate<\/em> the negative emotions — the boiling pot gets hotter.<\/p>\n

Healthy \u201cventing\u201d is something different. It\u2019s speaking with a trusted friend, who understands me, about the difficulties I am having.<\/em> It is giving voice to my emotions<\/em> and my difficulties <\/em>and trying to process them and understand them by speaking about them with someone in a \u201csafe\u201d space.<\/p>\n

The focus in this kind of venting should never be on complaining about other people, but on what I am experiencing and how I can respond constructively to that.<\/p>\n

In any case, you might want to ask yourself a few questions before saying anything:<\/p>\n

— If I were in the other person’s shoes, how would I like someone to deal with a problem that I caused? (Perhaps it’s more charitable to approach the other person privately and calmly and say what’s on your mind.)<\/p>\n

— Might I be wrong? (It doesn’t hurt to double-check your facts first.)<\/p>\n

— Might the person be struggling with big personal problem? (It doesn’t hurt to give people the benefit of the doubt.)<\/p>\n

— Does the person I’m talking to have a right to hear this? (Maybe, maybe not.)<\/p>\n

As to the gravity of the sin of revealing another person’s faults, this isn’t easy to measure. Perhaps another question would help:<\/p>\n

— If the level of detraction was “only” a venial sin, would I continue to do it? (If the answer is yes, there is a big problem here. It shows a willingness to offend God deliberately.)<\/p>\n

To help point yourself in another direction, you might ask how you can cultivate the habit of speaking well of others.<\/p>\n

Here, you might find this resource helpful: Sharpening Your Tongue: A Regnum Christi Essay on Charity in Our Words<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest<\/a><\/h3>\n

Got a question? Need an answer?<\/h3>\n

Today\u2019s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to AskAPriest@rcspiritual.wpenginepowered.com<\/a> and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything \u2013 liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events\u2026 Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Q: I have a hard time discerning when I am venting versus when I\u2019m committing the sin of detraction. 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He was an assistant publisher of the National Catholic Register and Faith & Family magazine and an editor of the Zenit news agency\u2019s English edition. He has written for\u00a0SpiritualDirection.com\u00a0and\u00a0ePriest. Fr. McIlmail also worked in spiritual retreats in the Northeast, New England, the Midwest, and the South\u00a0and assisted with mission work in Mexico. Born in Philadelphia, he worked in journalism and was active in the pro-life movement before entering the novitiate of the Legion of Christ in 1992. His contributions to RCSpirituality include responding to\u00a0Ask A Priest\u00a0questions and sharing his insights in our\u00a0Weekly Newsletter.","url":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/author\/emcilmail\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153206","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/362"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=153206"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153206\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/145952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=153206"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=153206"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=153206"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=153206"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}