{"id":153185,"date":"2020-04-03T09:30:24","date_gmt":"2020-04-03T13:30:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-how-might-i-stay-chaste-with-my-fiance\/"},"modified":"2024-10-22T15:07:10","modified_gmt":"2024-10-22T19:07:10","slug":"ask-a-priest-how-might-i-stay-chaste-with-my-fiance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-how-might-i-stay-chaste-with-my-fiance\/","title":{"rendered":"“Ask a Priest: How Might I Stay Chaste With My Fianc\u00e9?”"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Q: How do I set boundaries while I am engaged? I have a wonderful fianc\u00e9 who is a new Catholic. I have taken on a new spiritual awakening and am trying to put God first in my life again. In the past I messed up a lot and let my sexual desires overcome me instead of following God\u2019s Word. I have since gone to confession and tried a few times to explain to my fianc\u00e9 how I no longer want to do those things and focus on our relationship with Christ and one another. My fianc\u00e9 listens and understands, but I still don\u2019t think he\u2019s on the same page as me. I don\u2019t want to compromise my values, and I don\u2019t want to lose him. I don\u2019t know how to get the message across that I want a pure, chaste relationship. Any advice? \u2013 F.<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC<\/em><\/p>\n

A:\u00a0It’s great to hear that you want to keep your relationship chaste. For you do want to help your fianc\u00e9 get to heaven someday.<\/p>\n

If your fianc\u00e9 really loves you, he will fight to be chaste, too. But it sounds as though he needs help.<\/p>\n

A few ideas come to mind.<\/p>\n

First, intensify your prayer life and sacramental life. Cultivate a devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary.<\/p>\n

Second, be sure to dress modestly, keeping in mind a man’s perspective. Clothes that make a woman think she “looks terrific” can be a source of temptation for a man. So think about retiring any tight jeans and blouses, etc., that might be in the wardrobe.<\/p>\n

Third, it might help for you and your fianc\u00e9 to read and discuss some books together. A few suggestions: Men, Women<\/em><\/a> and the Mystery of Love<\/em>, How to Find Your <\/em>Soulmate<\/em><\/a> Without Losing Your Soul<\/em>, and The <\/em>Courage<\/em><\/a> to Be Chaste<\/em>.<\/p>\n

On a practical note, explain to your fianc\u00e9 that chastity will help the both of you prepare well for marriage, since at times you would have to live like celibates. And think of chaste living as a way of preparing the gift of yourselves after<\/em> the wedding.<\/p>\n

Also, give yourselves parameters. For instance, you might decide to go your separate ways as of 10 p.m. or so. And try to plan your time together well — no long hours along together in an empty apartment or house.<\/p>\n

For a strict parameter, don’t anything you wouldn’t do if your family members were in the next room.<\/p>\n

And have courage! Our Lord will help you to live chastely.<\/p>\n

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest<\/a><\/h3>\n

Got a question? Need an answer?<\/h3>\n

Today\u2019s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to AskAPriest@rcspiritual.wpenginepowered.com<\/a> and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything \u2013 liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events\u2026 Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Edward McIlmail, LC","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","caption":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC"},"description":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC, ordained to the priesthood in 2001, taught theology and Scripture at the then Mater Ecclesiae College in Rhode Island and is now a part-time chaplain at Overbrook Academy in Greenville, R.I. He holds degrees from Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Connecticut, the Regina Apostolorum Athenaeum in Rome, and Northwestern University in Illinois. He was an assistant publisher of the National Catholic Register and Faith & Family magazine and an editor of the Zenit news agency\u2019s English edition. He has written for\u00a0SpiritualDirection.com\u00a0and\u00a0ePriest. Fr. McIlmail also worked in spiritual retreats in the Northeast, New England, the Midwest, and the South\u00a0and assisted with mission work in Mexico. Born in Philadelphia, he worked in journalism and was active in the pro-life movement before entering the novitiate of the Legion of Christ in 1992. His contributions to RCSpirituality include responding to\u00a0Ask A Priest\u00a0questions and sharing his insights in our\u00a0Weekly Newsletter.","url":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/author\/emcilmail\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153185","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/362"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=153185"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153185\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/145952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=153185"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=153185"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=153185"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=153185"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}