{"id":153076,"date":"2019-03-19T09:30:30","date_gmt":"2019-03-19T13:30:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-what-if-im-attracted-to-my-friends-husband\/"},"modified":"2024-10-22T15:10:06","modified_gmt":"2024-10-22T19:10:06","slug":"ask-a-priest-what-if-im-attracted-to-my-friends-husband","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-what-if-im-attracted-to-my-friends-husband\/","title":{"rendered":"“Ask a Priest: What If I’m Attracted to My Friend’s Husband?”"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Q:\u00a0I am a single woman in my 20s and recently started developing a deep friendship with a woman in her 30s. She’s married and has kids. I spend a lot of time with her family, including her husband who has become my friend as well. The problem is that I’m attracted to him. I am not worried that anything will ever happen between us physically, but I worry about emotional intimacy becoming sinful. He is a sweet person, and he and his wife have a good relationship and trust each other. I don’t drive, and sometimes she helps me run errands. She has sent him a few times to take me because she was busy. He texts me and asks me how I am doing. We are all very close. I am just not sure if it’s OK for me to be around him or for me to be texting him. It’s important to my friend that her close friends be a part of her family, and I am close to her kids. At this point there’s no rewind button. I can’t just hang out with her alone all the time. We have a good friendship, and I don’t want to throw that away. But I just feel dirty and wrong that while they trust me so much, I am battling thoughts of attraction to her husband. I am confused and just looking for some answers. Thank you. \u2013 D.\u00a0<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC<\/em><\/p>\n

A:\u00a0It is good that you are honestly facing this situation and recognizing your feelings in all this. You acknowledge that you are attracted to the husband and that you “feel dirty and wrong.”<\/p>\n

It is understandable that you find him attractive. He sounds like a nice guy. He sounds stable, wholesome — the kind of man that a lot of young, single women would find attractive.<\/p>\n

This should be a warning. The texting is also a warning sign, since you are communicating with him outside the immediate presence of his wife.<\/p>\n

This isn’t to say that the texting is necessarily sinful. But that, and the attraction you feel for him, can be a prelude to something problematic. You say that you aren’t worried about anything physical happening between you two, yet you and he occasionally share a ride together alone.<\/p>\n

Your confidence that nothing “will ever happen” between you and the husband might be ill-advised. Human nature being what it is, the ingredients for big trouble are already coming together.<\/p>\n

If cutting off the relationship with the family immediately isn’t practical, you might consider two options.<\/p>\n

First, limit your visits with the family. Go only when the wife is present. And think about stopping the texting with the husband immediately, as well as the solo car rides with him.<\/p>\n

Second, try to cultivate other relationships with single people. It might help to start networking with others through church groups, volunteer organizations, Bible studies, etc. Can’t find any? Then think about starting one, in your parish or place of work or neighborhood.<\/p>\n

The idea here is not to use this family as your main source of socializing.<\/p>\n

You will do them a huge favor in the long term if you yourself can find other people to spend time with. The last thing you want to do is jeopardize the well-being of this family.<\/p>\n

In the meantime you might want to intensify your prayer life and sacramental life. You need the help of the Holy Spirit. Don’t presume that you can let things continue on the same path with no troubles. I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.<\/p>\n

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest<\/a><\/h3>\n

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Today\u2019s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to AskAPriest@rcspiritual.wpenginepowered.com<\/a> and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything \u2013 liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events\u2026 Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Edward McIlmail, LC","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","caption":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC"},"description":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC, ordained to the priesthood in 2001, taught theology and Scripture at the then Mater Ecclesiae College in Rhode Island and is now a part-time chaplain at Overbrook Academy in Greenville, R.I. He holds degrees from Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Connecticut, the Regina Apostolorum Athenaeum in Rome, and Northwestern University in Illinois. He was an assistant publisher of the National Catholic Register and Faith & Family magazine and an editor of the Zenit news agency\u2019s English edition. He has written for\u00a0SpiritualDirection.com\u00a0and\u00a0ePriest. Fr. McIlmail also worked in spiritual retreats in the Northeast, New England, the Midwest, and the South\u00a0and assisted with mission work in Mexico. Born in Philadelphia, he worked in journalism and was active in the pro-life movement before entering the novitiate of the Legion of Christ in 1992. His contributions to RCSpirituality include responding to\u00a0Ask A Priest\u00a0questions and sharing his insights in our\u00a0Weekly Newsletter.","url":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/author\/emcilmail\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153076","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/362"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=153076"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153076\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/145952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=153076"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=153076"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=153076"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=153076"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}