{"id":153024,"date":"2018-09-11T09:30:37","date_gmt":"2018-09-11T13:30:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-may-i-date-someone-who-had-an-abortion\/"},"modified":"2024-10-22T15:11:42","modified_gmt":"2024-10-22T19:11:42","slug":"ask-a-priest-may-i-date-someone-who-had-an-abortion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-may-i-date-someone-who-had-an-abortion\/","title":{"rendered":"“Ask a Priest: May I Date Someone Who Had an Abortion?”"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Q: Is it OK to date someone who had an abortion years ago? She is not Catholic and was not brought up in church. We have been close friends for 13 years. She only told me and no one else, as she needed to talk to someone about the guilt she felt when she had it. She wants to date, accepting my beliefs of the Catholic faith and is willing to sit in at church with me. I said no, as I feel it goes against my beliefs. However, I also feel it\u2019s not my job to judge. Maybe she was put in my life to show her the way of Christ. \u2013 T.<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC<\/em><\/p>\n

A:\u00a0It sounds as though the Holy Spirit is working in this woman’s heart.<\/p>\n

She has gone from having had an abortion years ago to now showing an interest in attending Mass with you.<\/p>\n

Her guilt for the abortion indicates that she has a conscience and is listening to it. This shows a repentant heart. And “a contrite, humbled heart, O God, you will not scorn” (Psalm 51:19).<\/p>\n

Her acceptance of your Catholic beliefs might be a sign that she herself is attracted to the faith. She is on a spiritual journey, and you might be a key person to help her along.<\/p>\n

Part of what you can help her to learn is that God is merciful and that he loves her deeply.<\/p>\n

She needs to hear that message of mercy and hope, and your own example can help to transmit that message.<\/p>\n

In principle, there is nothing to bar you from dating your friend. For her sake, though, it would be good if she receives some kind of counseling if she hasn’t gotten it in the past.<\/p>\n

You might suggest that she attend a retreat with a group such as Rachel’s Vineyard<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Spiritual healing would be important for her as well as for your relationship. Your friend likely has had a heavy heart these many years.<\/p>\n

Her having met you might mark a moment of special grace. Even if a romantic relationship doesn’t develop, you as a Christian could help her on a path toward healing.<\/p>\n

It’s good to remember that not everyone has had the benefit of the sacraments of the Church. Those of us blessed with the Catholic faith do well to remember Jesus’ words that “more will be demanded of the person entrusted with more” (Luke 12:48). Don\u2019t worry about judging anyone; just be an agent of mercy.<\/p>\n

You might want to intensify your prayers for your friend and ask for the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Count on my prayers for the both of you.<\/p>\n

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest<\/a><\/h3>\n

Got a question? Need an answer?<\/h3>\n

Today\u2019s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to AskAPriest@rcspiritual.wpenginepowered.com<\/a> and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything \u2013 liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events\u2026 Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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He was an assistant publisher of the National Catholic Register and Faith & Family magazine and an editor of the Zenit news agency\u2019s English edition. He has written for\u00a0SpiritualDirection.com\u00a0and\u00a0ePriest. Fr. McIlmail also worked in spiritual retreats in the Northeast, New England, the Midwest, and the South\u00a0and assisted with mission work in Mexico. Born in Philadelphia, he worked in journalism and was active in the pro-life movement before entering the novitiate of the Legion of Christ in 1992. His contributions to RCSpirituality include responding to\u00a0Ask A Priest\u00a0questions and sharing his insights in our\u00a0Weekly Newsletter.","url":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/author\/emcilmail\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153024","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/362"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=153024"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153024\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/145952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=153024"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=153024"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=153024"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=153024"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}