{"id":152995,"date":"2018-05-29T09:30:07","date_gmt":"2018-05-29T13:30:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-it-is-ok-to-choose-to-love-if-the-warm-feelings-arent-there\/"},"modified":"2024-10-22T15:12:14","modified_gmt":"2024-10-22T19:12:14","slug":"ask-a-priest-it-is-ok-to-choose-to-love-if-the-warm-feelings-arent-there","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-it-is-ok-to-choose-to-love-if-the-warm-feelings-arent-there\/","title":{"rendered":"“Ask a Priest: It Is OK to Choose to Love If the Warm Feelings Aren’t There?”"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Q:\u00a0It’s been said that love is a choice. Can a person’s choosing to love despite not having those warm, fuzzy, and infatuated feelings be a good thing? In my case there is a man whom I’ve known for four months who is hinting at marriage. However, he is a serious Catholic, and this is where we deeply connect. I’m just not very attracted to him physically. Thanks for reading this. \u2013 J.<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC<\/em><\/p>\n

A:\u00a0Love — real love — is an act of the will, and thus a choice.<\/p>\n

Love isn’t the same as having warm, fuzzy feelings. Those feelings might exist, but they aren’t crucial.<\/p>\n

Among newlyweds it has been noted that the romantic feelings rarely last more than two years. When those feelings fade, that doesn’t the marriage is over. Rather, it is simply the moment when spouses need to recommit to each other based on something more than feelings.<\/p>\n

So, what might this mean in your case?<\/p>\n

If you have found a man with whom you deeply connect in terms of the faith, then you are fortunate. This isn’t someone you want to write off too quickly.<\/p>\n

As you probably know, it’s not easy to find an eligible man with character and faith nowadays. Externals are superficial, and more than a few marriages involving “attractive” spouses have failed because of underlying incompatibility or selfishness or immaturity or whatever.<\/p>\n

You mention that you have known this man only four months. You might want to give the relationship time to mature. No need to rush to judgment. As you get to know him, you might come to appreciate his inner qualities deeply. Which could make him attractive to you in the best sense of the term.<\/p>\n

In any case, don’t think that you have to force yourself to feel something you don’t. Take things one day at a time. Real love takes time.<\/p>\n

To answer your question precisely, I’d say it is a far better thing not to choose to love based on warm, fuzzy and infatuated feelings. “Love” based on that kind of shaky ground usually collapses quickly if not tragically.<\/p>\n

In the meantime, it would be good to intensify your prayer life. Try to keep Christ at the center of this relationship. And stay close to the Blessed Virgin Mary.<\/p>\n

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest<\/a><\/p>\n

Got a question? Need an answer?<\/h3>\n

Today\u2019s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to AskAPriest@rcspiritual.wpenginepowered.com<\/a> and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything \u2013 liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events\u2026 Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Edward McIlmail, LC","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","caption":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC"},"description":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC, ordained to the priesthood in 2001, taught theology and Scripture at the then Mater Ecclesiae College in Rhode Island and is now a part-time chaplain at Overbrook Academy in Greenville, R.I. He holds degrees from Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Connecticut, the Regina Apostolorum Athenaeum in Rome, and Northwestern University in Illinois. He was an assistant publisher of the National Catholic Register and Faith & Family magazine and an editor of the Zenit news agency\u2019s English edition. He has written for\u00a0SpiritualDirection.com\u00a0and\u00a0ePriest. Fr. McIlmail also worked in spiritual retreats in the Northeast, New England, the Midwest, and the South\u00a0and assisted with mission work in Mexico. Born in Philadelphia, he worked in journalism and was active in the pro-life movement before entering the novitiate of the Legion of Christ in 1992. His contributions to RCSpirituality include responding to\u00a0Ask A Priest\u00a0questions and sharing his insights in our\u00a0Weekly Newsletter.","url":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/author\/emcilmail\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/152995","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/362"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=152995"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/152995\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/145952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=152995"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=152995"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=152995"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=152995"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}