{"id":152644,"date":"2014-08-12T05:00:09","date_gmt":"2014-08-12T09:00:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-should-i-attend-my-nieces-same-sex-marriage-reception\/"},"modified":"2024-10-22T15:22:58","modified_gmt":"2024-10-22T19:22:58","slug":"ask-a-priest-should-i-attend-my-nieces-same-sex-marriage-reception","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-should-i-attend-my-nieces-same-sex-marriage-reception\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cAsk a Priest: Should I attend my niece\u2019s same-sex marriage reception?\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Q: My niece and godchild is going to another state to get “married to her female partner.” Her mother, my sister and best friend, is having a reception in our city. She and my other siblings have said they are against gay marriage, but they are all attending this reception. I feel it is hypocritical to attend. Am I being judgmental? I will be categorized as such. Any ideas? – P.O.<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC<\/p>\n

A: I\u2019m sorry to hear about your niece. It must be very painful to see someone you love get involved in such a relationship.<\/p>\n

I applaud your delicacy of conscience, in that you believe it would be hypocritical to attend the reception. After all, receptions are for celebrating, and morally this isn\u2019t much to celebrate in this case.<\/p>\n

In fact, by not attending you would be living in accord with the promises you made when you became godmother to your niece. You are giving witness to your faith. And a tenet of our Catholic faith is that marriage is between a man and a woman. The advent of so-called same-sex marriage contradicts the very nature and purpose of sexuality.<\/p>\n

In 2013 in Rhode Island, Bishop Thomas Tobin published a letter to Catholics on the approach of legalized same-sex marriage.<\/p>\n

He wrote: \u201c[I]t is important to affirm the teaching of the Church, based on God\u2019s word, that \u2018homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered,\u2019 (Catechism of the Catholic Church, #2357) and always sinful. And because \u2018same-sex marriages\u2019 are clearly contrary to God\u2019s plan for the human family, and therefore objectively sinful, Catholics should examine their consciences very carefully before deciding whether or not to endorse same-sex relationships or attend same-sex ceremonies, realizing that to do so might harm their relationship with God and cause significant scandal to others.\u201d<\/p>\n

Notice his strong warning: Catholics could harm their relationship with God and cause scandal by attending same-sex marriage ceremonies. I think the bishop\u2019s point could be extended to receptions as well.<\/p>\n

In short, I don\u2019t think you are being judgmental. You are simply making a decision based on your Catholic beliefs and, I would guess, a desire not to give scandal by appearing to support the same-sex relationship in any way. You have a right and duty to follow your conscience. The Catechism in 1782<\/a> says, \u201cMan has the right to act in conscience and in freedom so as personally to make moral decisions. \u2018He must not be forced to act contrary to his conscience. Nor must he be prevented from acting according to his conscience, especially in religious matters.\u2019”<\/p>\n

That said, you might consider taking your niece out for coffee or lunch sometime before the “wedding,” just to explain, very simply and honestly, why you won\u2019t be attending the wedding and reception. You could remind her of your love for her, but share your conviction that a lesbian relationship will not lead your niece to true happiness, since it is against God’s design for human sexuality and for families.<\/p>\n

You might share some of the points mentioned in the Catechism, including No. 2358<\/a> that says, “The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. [\u2026] These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.”<\/p>\n

No. 2359 adds, “Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.” Let your niece know that you will be praying precisely for her embrace of virtue.<\/p>\n

In the meantime be prepared for opposition within the family. You might want to start preparing some answers in advance for those who challenge you. (For some background information check out this video<\/a> and FAQs from the USCCB<\/a>.)<\/p>\n

I hope this helps. Count on my prayers for you and your family. God bless.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Edward McIlmail, LC","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","caption":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC"},"description":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC, ordained to the priesthood in 2001, taught theology and Scripture at the then Mater Ecclesiae College in Rhode Island and is now a part-time chaplain at Overbrook Academy in Greenville, R.I. He holds degrees from Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Connecticut, the Regina Apostolorum Athenaeum in Rome, and Northwestern University in Illinois. He was an assistant publisher of the National Catholic Register and Faith & Family magazine and an editor of the Zenit news agency\u2019s English edition. He has written for\u00a0SpiritualDirection.com\u00a0and\u00a0ePriest. Fr. McIlmail also worked in spiritual retreats in the Northeast, New England, the Midwest, and the South\u00a0and assisted with mission work in Mexico. Born in Philadelphia, he worked in journalism and was active in the pro-life movement before entering the novitiate of the Legion of Christ in 1992. His contributions to RCSpirituality include responding to\u00a0Ask A Priest\u00a0questions and sharing his insights in our\u00a0Weekly Newsletter.","url":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/author\/emcilmail\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/152644","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/362"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=152644"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/152644\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/145952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=152644"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=152644"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=152644"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=152644"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}