{"id":145569,"date":"2025-02-21T10:30:00","date_gmt":"2025-02-21T15:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/?p=145569"},"modified":"2024-09-17T11:28:11","modified_gmt":"2024-09-17T15:28:11","slug":"ask-a-priest-do-i-need-to-reveal-past-sexual-sins-to-a-fiance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-do-i-need-to-reveal-past-sexual-sins-to-a-fiance\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;Ask a Priest: Do I Need to Reveal Past Sexual Sins to a Fianc\u00e9?&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<blockquote>\n<address>Q: Currently I don&#8217;t have a boyfriend or fianc\u00e9, but I once dated a Muslim and had sex with him quite a few times. I went to confession and regretted doing that thing before marriage. So, I stopped it and broke up with him. But I&#8217;m worried about my future. What if my partner wants to have a grand and pure wedding &#8212; how can I tell him that I&#8217;m not a virgin? Is it OK if I won&#8217;t tell him? Will it be OK to have a grand, white wedding since I already confessed? \u2013 T.K.<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><em>Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC<\/em><\/p>\n<p>A:\u00a0It is good that you went to confession and quit that relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Technically, you don&#8217;t have to tell all your past sins to a future husband.<\/p>\n<p>But many people feel the need to let a future spouse know about their past sexual relations, in part because they don\u2019t want to present a false image.<\/p>\n<p>Deep down they want to know that they are accepted for who they are, warts and all. They don\u2019t want to be haunted by that fear, \u201cWhat if he (or she) ever finds out?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sure, past sexual sins can negatively impact a marriage. They can leave psychological wounds and bad memories.<\/p>\n<p>But you don\u2019t have to be defined by your past sins. Our Lord has forgiven you. His mercy should bring you great peace.<\/p>\n<p>You can feel confidence in that mercy \u2013 and so not be afraid to share your story with a future husband.<\/p>\n<p>Your confession and the ending of that past relationship indicates that you want God in your life. That indicates your good will, a trait that noble men would find appealing.<\/p>\n<p>Remember, too, that virginity is one thing. Chastity is another. It is an ongoing practice that can help you and a spouse become saints.<\/p>\n<p>A short <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=E3oe1lK5MKw\">video<\/a> with Jason Everts might be worth a look, as well as this Reddit <a href=\"https:\/\/www.reddit.com\/r\/Catholicism\/comments\/7togdf\/feeling_worthless_and_embarrassed_because_of_my\/?rdt=36313\">post<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>As for a white wedding: You don\u2019t have to signal your past sins to the world.<\/p>\n<p>In any case, maintain a strong prayer life and sacramental life. And cultivate a devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. She will help you to live a life pleasing to her Son.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Q: Currently I don&#8217;t have a boyfriend or fianc\u00e9, but I once dated a Muslim and had sex with him quite a few times. I went to confession and regretted [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":362,"featured_media":145952,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[3718],"tags":[6665,6661],"post_folder":[],"class_list":["post-145569","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ask-a-priest","tag-dating-marriage","tag-living-the-faith"],"pp_statuses_selecting_workflow":false,"pp_workflow_action":"current","pp_status_selection":"","pp_force_visibility":null,"pp_subpost_visibility":null,"pp_inherited_force_visibility":null,"pp_inherited_subpost_visibility":null,"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v28.8 (Yoast SEO v28.8) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>&quot;Ask a Priest: Do I Need to Reveal Past Sexual Sins to a Fianc\u00e9?&quot; - Regnum Christi<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-do-i-need-to-reveal-past-sexual-sins-to-a-fiance\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"&quot;Ask a Priest: Do I Need to Reveal Past Sexual Sins to a Fianc\u00e9?&quot;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Q: Currently I don&#8217;t have a boyfriend or fianc\u00e9, but I once dated a Muslim and had sex with him quite a few times. 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Edward McIlmail, LC","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","caption":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC"},"description":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC, ordained to the priesthood in 2001, taught theology and Scripture at the then Mater Ecclesiae College in Rhode Island and is now a part-time chaplain at Overbrook Academy in Greenville, R.I. He holds degrees from Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Connecticut, the Regina Apostolorum Athenaeum in Rome, and Northwestern University in Illinois. He was an assistant publisher of the National Catholic Register and Faith &amp; Family magazine and an editor of the Zenit news agency\u2019s English edition. He has written for\u00a0SpiritualDirection.com\u00a0and\u00a0ePriest. Fr. McIlmail also worked in spiritual retreats in the Northeast, New England, the Midwest, and the South\u00a0and assisted with mission work in Mexico. Born in Philadelphia, he worked in journalism and was active in the pro-life movement before entering the novitiate of the Legion of Christ in 1992. His contributions to RCSpirituality include responding to\u00a0Ask A Priest\u00a0questions and sharing his insights in our\u00a0Weekly Newsletter.","url":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/author\/emcilmail\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145569","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/362"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=145569"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145569\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/145952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=145569"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=145569"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=145569"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=145569"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}