{"id":145496,"date":"2024-06-11T09:30:00","date_gmt":"2024-06-11T13:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-what-if-we-feel-pressured-to-attend-an-invalid-wedding\/"},"modified":"2024-09-17T11:30:27","modified_gmt":"2024-09-17T15:30:27","slug":"ask-a-priest-what-if-we-feel-pressured-to-attend-an-invalid-wedding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-what-if-we-feel-pressured-to-attend-an-invalid-wedding\/","title":{"rendered":"“Ask a Priest: What If We Feel Pressured to Attend an Invalid Wedding?”"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Q: Our divorced daughter and her boyfriend, both atheists, live together a few states away. We maintain a good relationship with them, hoping and praying daily that they will find God. She recently let me know that they have been thinking about getting married. She said she understood that we wouldn\u2019t attend the ceremony (since it\u2019s not approved by the Church), but would we consider attending a reception? I responded no. But then she asked if she were to get an annulment would we attend a reception? I said I felt that her desire to be married is a good thing, but that we\u2019d have to talk about it. She then said, \u201cAre you going to make us sleep separately at your house for the rest of our lives if I don\u2019t get an annulment?\u201d I wrote \u201cyes.\u201d She responded, \u201cI\u2019m only going to put myself through that very painful process, which I don\u2019t personally believe in, if you decide you will attend a reception.\u201d She then followed with \u201cIf I\u2019m going to go through with an annulment, we have to be able to sleep together once we are married and the annulment is done.\u201d This feels like \u201carm-twisting\u201d to me. How would you advise us regarding attending a reception and sleeping arrangements? Would an annulment and non-Catholic ceremony be enough to allow them to sleep together here? It would obviously be an invalid marriage, but is it a concession we could make with the hope of a return to faith? \u2013 M.<\/p>\n

\n<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC<\/em><\/p>\n

A:\u00a0I’m sorry to hear about the situation with your daughter.<\/p>\n

As you mention, your daughter\u2019s desire to get married might be a sign that she is edging in the right direction.<\/p>\n

But \u2026 her willingness to seek an annulment despite her lack of belief in it indicates a lack of honesty and integrity. Along with the \u201carm-twisting,\u201d her style seems, well, manipulative.<\/p>\n

For the sake of argument, let\u2019s say she were to get an annulment. How should you proceed?<\/p>\n

In this case the Church doesn\u2019t issue a lot of fixed rules. The decision to attend these kinds of weddings usually involves considerations about family solidarity and scandal.<\/p>\n

Some people might attend a wedding with the hope of bringing a person back to the practice of the faith.<\/p>\n

While this is a possibility, there is also the risk of scandal and being pulled into compromising positions later.<\/p>\n

Would your presence at the wedding send the wrong signal to those who know you to be a good Catholic? What kind of signal would it send to children and other young people in your family? That cohabitation is OK?<\/p>\n

An aside: The distinction between attending an invalid wedding and attending the reception seems minor. Receptions are for celebrating. What would you be celebrating?<\/p>\n

Another consideration \u2013 and your daughter has mentioned it \u2013 is the kind of sleeping arrangement you would allow if the couple visited you.<\/p>\n

Even with an annulment, her wedding wouldn\u2019t be recognized by the Church. Thus, to allow them to share the same sleeping quarters in your home would amount to close material cooperation in evil. It could also be considered formal cooperation.<\/p>\n

It seems unsavory that someone who knows your views on marriage would pressure you to compromise your views even within the confines of your home. The gracious thing might be your daughter to find other accommodations and to avoid putting Mom and Dad in an awkward position.<\/p>\n

In short, you might want to think long and hard before getting drawn too deeply into the vortex of your daughter\u2019s moral choices. It\u2019s one thing to try to navigate on her terms. But don\u2019t neglect God\u2019s. Count on my prayers.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Edward McIlmail, LC","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","caption":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC"},"description":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC, ordained to the priesthood in 2001, taught theology and Scripture at the then Mater Ecclesiae College in Rhode Island and is now a part-time chaplain at Overbrook Academy in Greenville, R.I. He holds degrees from Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Connecticut, the Regina Apostolorum Athenaeum in Rome, and Northwestern University in Illinois. He was an assistant publisher of the National Catholic Register and Faith & Family magazine and an editor of the Zenit news agency\u2019s English edition. He has written for\u00a0SpiritualDirection.com\u00a0and\u00a0ePriest. Fr. McIlmail also worked in spiritual retreats in the Northeast, New England, the Midwest, and the South\u00a0and assisted with mission work in Mexico. Born in Philadelphia, he worked in journalism and was active in the pro-life movement before entering the novitiate of the Legion of Christ in 1992. His contributions to RCSpirituality include responding to\u00a0Ask A Priest\u00a0questions and sharing his insights in our\u00a0Weekly Newsletter.","url":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/author\/emcilmail\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145496","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/362"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=145496"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145496\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/145952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=145496"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=145496"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=145496"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=145496"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}