{"id":145437,"date":"2023-11-14T10:30:00","date_gmt":"2023-11-14T15:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-may-i-consider-my-son-as-dead-if-hes-living-in-sin\/"},"modified":"2024-09-17T11:33:44","modified_gmt":"2024-09-17T15:33:44","slug":"ask-a-priest-may-i-consider-my-son-as-dead-if-hes-living-in-sin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-may-i-consider-my-son-as-dead-if-hes-living-in-sin\/","title":{"rendered":"“Ask a Priest: May I Consider My Son as Dead If He\u2019s Living in Sin?”"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Q: We adopted our son when he was 3 and have always thought the Lord had a plan for us to unite with the boy, an orphan. Now in his 20s, he has moved out of state to be with a girlfriend he found online. He met her once, in person, prior to moving in with her. My son knows I am vehemently against this situation as I think it’s sinful to live together outside of marriage. My son allowed his girlfriend to curse at me online; I was shocked about her language and venom toward me. She knows that I and my husband think the relationship they have is immoral. My son says he loves me but will no longer speak to me. I am both sad and angry about his situation, but I feel he is dead to me. If I think he is dead, then I won’t be sad or angry all the time. I will be seeing a counselor about this soon. My husband says he will meet with our son, but I asked my son not to see me again. Am I wrong to think of my son as dead? I feel he is dead in Christ. We also took out a protective order against the girlfriend, due to the profane language she used in her e-mail. We have never met this girlfriend nor heard her voice. She is not permitted on our property should our son visit his dad in the future. I won’t tolerate the girlfriend’s ugly profanity toward me. \u2013 E.P.<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC<\/em><\/p>\n

A:\u00a0I am sorry to hear about the situation. It must be heartbreaking for you.<\/p>\n

As for considering your son dead: I would invite you to meditate on the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32).<\/p>\n

Christ suffered and died for your son, and he wants your son to be with him someday in heaven.<\/p>\n

This is a truth you want to keep in view. You are still his mom, and your prayers and sacrifices can help bring him back to the faith. Don’t give up on him.<\/p>\n

As for the young woman: It’s understandable that she is not welcome in your home for now. You don’t need to ignore her abusive online behavior. This might send a message that she and your son need to absorb.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s possible that this young woman, like many in her generation, has grown up in a culture where sexual impurity and coarse language on social media were the norm.<\/p>\n

She might find chastity as nonsensical as you find fornication and cohabitation offensive. You might have radically different worldviews. Whether this young woman could ever see the wisdom of purity is another question.<\/p>\n

In the meantime, don’t give up on your son. Your impact on him runs deep. And who knows, he might realize one day that his friend\u2019s scathing attacks on you are over the top.<\/p>\n

This is the moment when your grace of state as his mom can help bring him back to the fold.<\/p>\n

For your own benefit it might be good to speak with your pastor or confessor about how to maintain a balance between mercy and justice in this situation.<\/p>\n

And you might want to pray for St. Monica’s intercession. She, too, had a wayward son who came back to Christ.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Edward McIlmail, LC","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/485147bd811c2a8642adf1f1806f85f0adef2b00ef8ccabc9b46f8420af19e16?s=96&d=blank&r=g","caption":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC"},"description":"Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC, ordained to the priesthood in 2001, taught theology and Scripture at the then Mater Ecclesiae College in Rhode Island and is now a part-time chaplain at Overbrook Academy in Greenville, R.I. He holds degrees from Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Connecticut, the Regina Apostolorum Athenaeum in Rome, and Northwestern University in Illinois. He was an assistant publisher of the National Catholic Register and Faith & Family magazine and an editor of the Zenit news agency\u2019s English edition. He has written for\u00a0SpiritualDirection.com\u00a0and\u00a0ePriest. Fr. McIlmail also worked in spiritual retreats in the Northeast, New England, the Midwest, and the South\u00a0and assisted with mission work in Mexico. Born in Philadelphia, he worked in journalism and was active in the pro-life movement before entering the novitiate of the Legion of Christ in 1992. His contributions to RCSpirituality include responding to\u00a0Ask A Priest\u00a0questions and sharing his insights in our\u00a0Weekly Newsletter.","url":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/author\/emcilmail\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145437","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/362"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=145437"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145437\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/145952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=145437"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=145437"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=145437"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=145437"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}