{"id":145389,"date":"2023-03-07T10:30:00","date_gmt":"2023-03-07T15:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-what-if-my-boyfriend-really-isnt-ready-for-baptism\/"},"modified":"2024-09-17T11:41:20","modified_gmt":"2024-09-17T15:41:20","slug":"ask-a-priest-what-if-my-boyfriend-really-isnt-ready-for-baptism","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-what-if-my-boyfriend-really-isnt-ready-for-baptism\/","title":{"rendered":"“Ask a Priest: What If My Boyfriend Really Isn\u2019t Ready for Baptism?”"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Q: My boyfriend has been attending RCIA and is going to be baptized in a month, but he doesn\u2019t believe in anything. He said he is going because he knows it will make me happy and because he wants to marry me and I am Catholic, not because he believes in any of it. I want him to be baptized, but as his sponsor if I say he has come to God during his Rite of Acceptance, I would be lying. Would it be a sin to let him go forward with a baptism he doesn\u2019t believe in? Babies don\u2019t believe in anything and they are baptized, so would the baptism still work if he doesn\u2019t believe in it? He is not an atheist. He says he thinks God could exist but has no proof. If he is doing it voluntarily but only because I want him to, not because he believes, is it wrong to continue with the baptism? I\u2019m too embarrassed to talk to my priest about it. I could use some guidance. \u2013 T.<\/p>\n

\n<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC<\/em><\/p>\n

A: From what you say, your boyfriend should not be baptized, and it would a grave deception on your part, as his sponsor, to testify that he\u2019s \u201ccome to God.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adults need to have a basic faith in order to receive baptism validly. The baptism likely wouldn\u2019t be valid if your boyfriend doesn’t really believe and is only going through the motions. (The situation is much different with babies, since they aren’t putting up any barriers to the grace of the sacrament.)<\/p>\n

It would be good to reveal the situation to the priest who is overseeing the RCIA \u2026 immediately.<\/p>\n

You might want to take some of this to prayer. The decision you choose might have a big impact on your own soul, and if you falsely testify on your boyfriend\u2019s behalf, you might feed his impression that the Catholic faith is little more than window dressing.<\/p>\n

In a broader context, you might also want to step back and ask yourself what kind of foundation this would be for your relationship, and what your boyfriend\u2019s behavior shows about his character.<\/p>\n

A certain level of interest in the spiritual life and awareness of God\u2019s existence and his plan for life is one of the greatest supports for a solid and deep relationship. And if your boyfriend is blas\u00e9 about the faith, he might not think it very important for his children, either.<\/p>\n

Count on my prayers.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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He was an assistant publisher of the National Catholic Register and Faith & Family magazine and an editor of the Zenit news agency\u2019s English edition. He has written for\u00a0SpiritualDirection.com\u00a0and\u00a0ePriest. Fr. McIlmail also worked in spiritual retreats in the Northeast, New England, the Midwest, and the South\u00a0and assisted with mission work in Mexico. Born in Philadelphia, he worked in journalism and was active in the pro-life movement before entering the novitiate of the Legion of Christ in 1992. His contributions to RCSpirituality include responding to\u00a0Ask A Priest\u00a0questions and sharing his insights in our\u00a0Weekly Newsletter.","url":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/author\/emcilmail\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145389","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/362"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=145389"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145389\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/145952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=145389"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=145389"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=145389"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=145389"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}