{"id":145373,"date":"2023-12-19T10:30:00","date_gmt":"2023-12-19T15:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-what-if-my-girlfriend-holds-some-troubling-views\/"},"modified":"2024-09-17T11:33:26","modified_gmt":"2024-09-17T15:33:26","slug":"ask-a-priest-what-if-my-girlfriend-holds-some-troubling-views","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-what-if-my-girlfriend-holds-some-troubling-views\/","title":{"rendered":"“Ask a Priest: What If My Girlfriend Holds Some Troubling Views?”"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Q: I am 18 and my long-distance girlfriend who is 19 (both of us are Catholic) have been together for two months, and I just recently noticed that she supports same-sex marriage and has called the Catholic Church \u201csexist.\u201d She even says she wouldn\u2019t mind if our future daughter went to a gentleman\u2019s club. I really care for her and love spending time with her, but I just can\u2019t possibly put my relationship with her over my relationship with God. I would greatly appreciate any advice. \u2013 M.R.<\/p>\n

\n<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC<\/em><\/p>\n

A:\u00a0The Lord puts us into relationships for various reasons.<\/p>\n

Sometimes it is to discover the \u201cright one\u201d and someday marry and start a family, sometimes it is to enrich each other before finding the \u201cright one\u201d somewhere else.<\/p>\n

God comes first, so if you have to choose between him and your girlfriend, you already know the answer.<\/p>\n

It sounds as though your friend has absorbed some of the distorted thinking of the world. It’s understandable, given the culture we live in.<\/p>\n

If she is drifting away from the truth on such important things as the nature of marriage and issues of chastity and sexuality, the Lord has given you this opportunity to enrich her. If she doesn\u2019t want to hear it, it might be time for you to move on.<\/p>\n

You should have a frank, in-person conversation with her about these things to help her see where her ideas are destructive for herself or others, even though they don\u2019t appear to be.<\/p>\n

God created marriage between a man and woman, and marital love is geared toward procreation and stable family life. Same-sex activity is inherently sterile and a distortion of God\u2019s plan.<\/p>\n

And while it\u2019s possible to find some sexist thinking in the human dimension of the Church, the Church as the mystical body of Christ is pure and perfect. It\u2019s not that the Church is sexist; rather, it might be some people in<\/em> the Church who have sexist ideas. That is a different issue.<\/p>\n

Now, it’s possible that your friend can change her views if she understands why the Church teaches what it teaches.<\/p>\n

Perhaps you and she could read some documents and then discuss them. You could find some resources at this U.S. bishops’ conference Web page<\/a>.<\/p>\n

As for the Church’s view of women, you could read St. John Paul II’s \u201cLetter to Women<\/a>\u201d and his apostolic letter Mulieris Dignitatem<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Whether she listens or not, or you break off with her, or she breaks off with you, she should know that you care for her and for her soul, whether you are together or not.<\/p>\n

In the meantime, you might want to intensify your prayers and sacrifices for your friend.<\/p>\n

An extra observation: You mention that she is your \u201clong-distance girlfriend\u201d of two months. This relationship hasn\u2019t had much time to develop. Early on, it\u2019s easy to idealize a person. You would do well to go slowly and prudently.<\/p>\n

Marriage is difficult enough. It’s even harder when spouses are not on the same page in terms of religion.<\/p>\n

If you are called to marriage, you want to marry someone who shows the signs of being able to raise children in the true Catholic faith.<\/p>\n

Count on my prayers.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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He was an assistant publisher of the National Catholic Register and Faith & Family magazine and an editor of the Zenit news agency\u2019s English edition. He has written for\u00a0SpiritualDirection.com\u00a0and\u00a0ePriest. Fr. McIlmail also worked in spiritual retreats in the Northeast, New England, the Midwest, and the South\u00a0and assisted with mission work in Mexico. Born in Philadelphia, he worked in journalism and was active in the pro-life movement before entering the novitiate of the Legion of Christ in 1992. His contributions to RCSpirituality include responding to\u00a0Ask A Priest\u00a0questions and sharing his insights in our\u00a0Weekly Newsletter.","url":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/author\/emcilmail\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145373","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/362"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=145373"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145373\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/145952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=145373"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=145373"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=145373"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=145373"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}