{"id":145369,"date":"2023-03-03T10:30:00","date_gmt":"2023-03-03T15:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-what-if-i-want-my-estranged-husband-to-die\/"},"modified":"2024-09-17T11:41:23","modified_gmt":"2024-09-17T15:41:23","slug":"ask-a-priest-what-if-i-want-my-estranged-husband-to-die","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/ask-a-priest-what-if-i-want-my-estranged-husband-to-die\/","title":{"rendered":"“Ask a Priest: What If I Want My Estranged Husband to Die?”"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Q: My husband left me four years ago. I tried to save my marriage but could not. He had fallen for another woman. That didn\u2019t work out, and three weeks later he found another woman and lives with her until this day. My question is twofold. First, am I an adulterer if I divorce him and meet another man? And second: I feel so betrayed that I don’t want him to live. He continues to hurt me and our son and constantly has me in court and lies and cheats every time. My pain won’t end because of it. There is no point in my lying — I pray for his death to give me freedom. Will God save me from this pain or do I need to continue to suffer? \u2013 S.<\/p>\n

\n<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC<\/em><\/p>\n

A: I’m sorry to hear about the family situation. But I doubt that your husband\u2019s death would bring the kind of freedom you truly need.<\/p>\n

Our Lord taught, \u201cYou have heard that it was said, \u2018You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.\u2019 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you\u201d (Matthew 5:43-44). Jesus backed that up on the cross when he died even for liars and cheaters and hurtful people.<\/p>\n

He knows that you are hurting, but he also knows that wishing harm or death to anyone will only hurt you more. You could be so enslaved by a desire for revenge that your spiritual health will gravely suffer.<\/p>\n

For your own good, you must try to forgive your husband, even if it is not reciprocated. He will answer to the just Judge one day, and you should pray that he will have a change of heart and seek forgiveness before that happens.<\/p>\n

You should also seek counseling for yourself and your son, as well as legal advice, to come up with a plan to protect yourselves psychologically, socially and legally.<\/p>\n

The fact that your husband cheated on you, then ended up with yet another woman so quickly, might indicate that he had deep-rooted problems at the time of your wedding.<\/p>\n

It might be good to speak with your pastor about the possibility of seeking an annulment. If a decree of nullity were granted, you would be free to date and possibly marry in the Church. Without an annulment you couldn\u2019t enter a valid marriage with another man while your husband is alive.<\/p>\n

Before all else, you want to guard your own relationship with Jesus. And he calls us to forgiveness.<\/p>\n

Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting, however. It’s understandable that you don\u2019t trust your husband and don’t want to be around him. But what you don’t want to do is nurture hatred for him — that will only hurt you further.<\/p>\n

Jesus wants you to be at peace. To that end it might help to stay close to the sacrament of confession. You need to feel the healing that God’s grace can bring you.<\/p>\n

You want to open yourself to this grace, not only for your own good but for your son’s. Your husband might have robbed you of a peaceful marriage. You don\u2019t want him to take away your chance for interior peace.<\/p>\n

In any case, try to speak with your pastor. He can guide you about the steps you could take to move forward.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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He was an assistant publisher of the National Catholic Register and Faith & Family magazine and an editor of the Zenit news agency\u2019s English edition. He has written for\u00a0SpiritualDirection.com\u00a0and\u00a0ePriest. Fr. McIlmail also worked in spiritual retreats in the Northeast, New England, the Midwest, and the South\u00a0and assisted with mission work in Mexico. Born in Philadelphia, he worked in journalism and was active in the pro-life movement before entering the novitiate of the Legion of Christ in 1992. His contributions to RCSpirituality include responding to\u00a0Ask A Priest\u00a0questions and sharing his insights in our\u00a0Weekly Newsletter.","url":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/author\/emcilmail\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145369","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/362"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=145369"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145369\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/145952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=145369"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=145369"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=145369"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.regnumchristi.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=145369"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}