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Virtuous Men: Heroic Leaders Series | St. Thomas More as a Model for Prudence | November 2024

This month, join us as we delve into the life of St. Thomas More and the virtue of prudence. Discover how this heroic man lived out his faith with fortitude and wisdom, standing firm for truth in the face of adversity.

What: 9 am Mass, Reflection, Talk on St. Thomas More & Prudence, Small Group Discussion (Confessions Available)
Where: Prince of Peace Catholic Community, St. Joseph Center, Rm. 208/210
When: 9 am – 12 pm

No registration needed. Come ready to be inspired by St. Thomas More’s steadfast courage and gain insights into living a life guided by prudence in today’s world!

For the full Virtuous Men: Heroic Leaders series schedule, click here.

 

 

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Is It OK to Have a Close ‘Connection’ With a Non-Spouse?”

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Q: Can you advise whether it’s a mortal sin for a married woman to have an emotional and spiritual connection with a man friend who is not her husband? – E.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s hard to offer an answer that applies in every case.

It is one thing for a 23-year-old newlywed to have warm ties with a grandfatherly 70-year-old whom she sees twice a year. It’s another for a 35-year-old to have close ties with a 37-year-old single man at the office.

And an emotional and spiritual “connection” can mean a lot of different things. Emotional might mean their personalities complement each other. Spiritual could mean they share a love for Scripture or the writings of St. John of the Cross, or they share a deep devotion to St. Thérèse of Lisieux.

But if by emotional you mean the two are sharing deep secrets and becoming jealous about their time together — that could be a danger signal. If by spiritual you mean that they are becoming each other’s personal guru or seeing themselves as a righteous duo taking on the world – that could be a danger signal, too.

This is especially the case where someone feels a bit alienated from her spouse.

The fact that you are asking this question might be a sign that you perceive something amiss in a relationship.

Without knowing anything about the people involved, it might be good for someone in this position to have a solid, regular confessor or spiritual director. An objective third party could help the person navigate treacherous waters.

At one point or another we can fall into risky habits or relationships. We can have blind spots. And we have a tendency to rationalize things if we aren’t careful.

A married person who asks whether this or that relationship is sinful, is probably focused on the wrong question. The better question is: How can I go deeper in living my marriage vows? What can I do to help my spouse and myself grow in holiness? Married people’s friendships should contribute to the good of their marriage, not threaten or detract from it. That is the rule of thumb.

A married person who is uneasy about a relationship with a non-spouse might want to dedicate some to prayer and reading about the spiritual dimension of marriage. Book ideas could be found at this link. I hope some of this helps.

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Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type your question HERE and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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“Ask a Priest: Can We Just Open the Bible and Find the Right Answers?”

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Q: Is it OK for us to do “reading at random” with the Bible? It has been a practice of a certain community whenever they are facing a problem. They would pick a passage from the Bible at random to see how God was guiding them. The procedure is this: Pray to God first, stating your problem or current situation that needs to be answered, and then, without opening your eyes, you will start moving your hands to the Bible freely and open the page, stopping your finger at some point. Then you open your eyes and read that verse. The verse might answer directly or indirectly the problem. They have been doing this since for a long time. It seems a harmless practice, and it was never reprimanded by any of the clergy. But I have read somewhere that God never promised us that he would answer in this way. Is this use of the Bible universally accepted in our Catholic Church? Would this fall into a sin? — J.A.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: What you describe can be called bibliomancy.

There’s nothing wrong with turning to the Bible for guidance. But the Bible isn’t a simple manual of moral theology.

It’s a very complex collection of books that needs to be read within the light of Sacred Tradition. Passages from the Bible need to be understood in their proper context.

Asking for God’s guidance and then looking at the first biblical passage that comes along could border on presumption. It’s as though we assume God will give us an instant answer to our problem or question.

God doesn’t always work like that. He’s not a vending machine that pops out answers on demand.

You might find an earlier posting helpful: https://rcspiritual.wpenginepowered.com/ask_a_priest/ask-priest-ok-use-bible-divine-future/.

Big decisions require prudence. No. 1806 of the Catechism calls prudence “the virtue that disposes practical reason to discern our true good in every circumstance and to choose the right means of achieving it.”

One practical method would be to list the pros and cons of the various options, give a numerical weight (such as 1 to 10) to each pro and con, and then add up the numbers and see which side seems to carry more weight.

Then take all this to prayer. “Holy Spirit, it seems as though X is what we should choose. Is this the way you want us to go?” (Never to be considered is an intrinsically evil act.)

Suffice it to say that we need to approach God humbly in prayer when we have a petition. He has his time and place and way of answering. But how he does that can be unexpected. So we need to be patient and docile.

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest

Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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“Ask a Priest: Could a Catholic Teacher Evangelize in a Public School?”

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Q: I’m studying to be a literature teacher in a public high school. I considered becoming a teacher in a Catholic high school, for I feel totally alien to our current culture and values. In university I discovered how the anti-Christian mentality is being imposed by culture and how it comes to high schools with the excuse of promoting equality and tolerance. Thinking about my being forced to promote gender ideology or atheism at school is something that disgusts me. But being a Catholic teacher in a public school allows me to be different, like a soldier infiltrating in enemy land. The question is: How can I feel cool with living in that atmosphere every day? What can I do to evangelize? – Y.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Your willingness to take on the secular culture is admirable.

It’s also a daunting challenge that requires prudence as well as daring. It will be very hard to be an undercover agent for Christ in a public school, but if God is calling you (you have to discern this in your heart) to do so, he will make it fruitful and give you the strength and wisdom you need.

On the prudential side it might be good to ask yourself a few questions.

First, realistically, how much will you be able to change a public school? Presumably you might be required to use certain books in the curriculum that aren’t optional — books that might transmit a lot of anti-Christian values. There might even be racy books that are occasions of sin for teenagers. Would you be comfortable assigning and teaching those books?

Moreover, how much leeway will you have to offer a Christian/Catholic perspective on literature? True, Christian values can have wide appeal; they are based on a sound anthropology, after all. Yet anything that sounds like a religious take might go against established rules and laws. This isn’t meant as a defense of these laws. It’s just that legally the deck might be stacked against you.

Another question deals with something that economists call opportunity costs. That is, if you decide to teach at a public school, you would be giving up the chance to teach a more-receptive audience in a Christian/Catholic school. You could spend your life trying to fight a public school system that won’t budge, while giving up the chance to form a generation of young Catholics who will carry on the faith.

This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t take on the anti-Christian culture around us. Evangelization requires stamina. For ideas on how to evangelize, you might want to read Go! 30 Meditations on How Best to Love Your Neighbor as Yourself. You could go through those meditations each day for a month, asking God for light about what decision to make, and see where your heart is drawn.

You might keep in mind other ways to challenge the secular culture. A pro-Christian blog about literature could be a resource for others and help readers engage in healthy dialogue with the culture around them. You could do the blog in your spare time and not have to worry about stepping on toes at a public school.

Perhaps this is something to take to prayer. Maybe you should speak with your confessor or spiritual director. You might even seek out advice from Catholic teachers or homeschooling circles. May the Spirit guide you.

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Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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“Ask a Priest: Should We Not Judge at All?”

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Q: It says, “Judge not, so that you may not be judged.” Does that mean we are not to judge at all? Or does that mean that we can judge when we are perfect and without sin, and that way we can judge our neighbor so that it’s sound judgment? Is there a negative connotation to judging here, and is discernment the more positive way? – L.J.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Jesus in that passage (see Matthew 7:1) means that we shouldn’t try to judge the state of other people’s souls or intentions. God alone knows the heart and mind of each person.

We can, of course, speak up when we see an injustice being done. We can protest abortion or the neglect of the poor, for instance. This is something of a duty for us.

We can even exercise fraternal charity by pointing out another person’s faults to him. But this needs to be done in a spirit of charity and humility. And we shouldn’t feel as though we have to do it in every case.

If our brother seems to be drinking too much, we should say something. The same obligation, however, doesn’t apply if we find out that the neighbor down the street seems to be drinking excessively (unless he is endangering the neighborhood, but that’s another case).

Here, we have to use prudence. We aren’t called to police the world.

A good principle to remember is “Hate sin, love the sinner.”

We also need to be careful if we find that our attention is focused on the faults of others — this might indicate that we aren’t attentive enough to our own faults.

Few of us will ever arrive to the point in this world where we are perfect and without sin. Most of us would do well to heed the words of Jesus in Matthew 7:3 — “Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye?”

However, if you feel as though you do need to point out someone’s fault, it might be good to pray about it first. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and to open the heart of the other person. For any lasting improvement in someone’s behavior requires the working of the Holy Spirit.

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest

Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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“Ask a Priest: Should We Not Love Evil People?”

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Q: I found this biblical quote on the Internet, from Romans 16:17-19 – “I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive. For your obedience is known to all, so that I rejoice over you, but I want you to be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil.” My question is: Is this from the Catholic Bible? This quote would go against God’s rule that says to love everyone, even the evil people you come across. I try to avoid these people as best as I can, but after I accepted Jesus into my life I’ve become too nice of a person to reject anybody. Also, what does God mean when he says to treat people as a gentile or tax collector? “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector” (Matthew 18:15-17). Thanks so much for your time. – A.K.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is good to hear that you have accepted Jesus into your life. He is “the way, the truth and the life” (John 14:6).

Let me mention at the start that you can find the New American Bible online. This is the version used in Masses in the U.S.

Regarding the two quotes you mention: You will basically find the same wording in any Catholic Bible.

The call to avoid people who can mislead others in the faith is simple prudence. We can still love those people, in the sense that we can pray for them and that we hope they reach heaven someday.

For this reason, we shouldn’t think of certain people as inherently evil; they too can have a conversion or come to the full knowledge of Jesus’ teachings. But loving someone doesn’t mean we are obligated to stay close to them and expose our faith to attacks.

And remember, that second quote is directly from Jesus. If he counsels people to keep their distance from someone who stubbornly opposed the faith, then we can be sure that that is good advice.

Being “nice” to people doesn’t mean we go to any extreme to accommodate them. The simple fact is, being Christian means to encounter opposition and at times ridicule. It also entails speaking out at times against the injustice and immorality we see around us. That will make us enemies. It made enemies for Jesus, but he didn’t water down his message.

Perhaps it would be good to read the Gospels with an eye toward how often Jesus faced opposition. That means we can expect opposition, too, if we really want to be his disciples.

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest

Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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“Ask a Priest: What If I Have Habitual Falls in the Area of Purity?”

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Q: I am wondering what I should do about habitual sin. I have gone to confession and adoration and I do OK, but then I will fall again. Some of it is lust/sexual related, which is not easy. I’ve just been trying and attempting to fight it. I ask God for his help. It’s difficult and I feel ashamed of the sin. – E.A.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is good that you are going to confession and to adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. You are on the right road

Purity is not an easy virtue, especially at certain times of life. But with the grace of God, anything is possible.

Four words might help here: prayer, planning, prudence, perseverance.

Prayer: You need to drag down the graces of God to help you live in purity. The good thing is that he wants to give you those graces. So make time for prayer each day. Frequent the sacraments. And cultivate a devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary.Very important in this regard is what is called “mental prayer.” My friend and colleague Father John Bartunek wrote a useful handbook on this essential type of prayer, called A Guide to Christian Meditation.

Planning: Plan what you will consume via the media. You don’t want to feed your mind with risqué TV shows and movies and raunchy music. Dress and speak modestly — that will help the men around you and it will help them treat you with more respect. Be sure to get exercise each day. Program your time well so as to be productive and responsible toward the basic duties of your state in life — don’t leave a vacuum in your schedule. Idle time lets down our defenses and gives the devil an opportunity to trip us up.

Prudence: Be realistic. We have inherited original sin — a damaged human nature that leaves us prone to sin. Don’t be quick to presume that you are “over the problem,” even when you have had a few serene days or weeks. Temptations tend to return with a vengeance. So keep your guard up all the time.

Perseverance: Never give up. If you have a fall, go to confession and start over. Don’t panic! God loves to show us his mercy, and he is never surprised by our weakness. But we can’t give up our own efforts. So don’t let a fall cause you to despair. Despair and discouragement are powerful weapons of the devil.

Also, try to cultivate a love for purity. See it as a way to preserve your integrity and give glory to God. Purity, or chastity, is one of the best preparations for whatever vocation you are called to.

Good books can help, such as The Courage to Be Chaste.

And don’t forget that devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. To cultivate this, you might find useful our free, video retreat guides that touch on that devotion, such as River of Wisdom, God Is Faithful, Welcoming the Word, and A Mother’s Tears.

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest

Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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“Ask a Priest: What If My Parents and I Argue Over Politics?”

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Q: I am very distressed about my relationship with my parents. I love them, but I have trouble respecting them. This is obvious when we argue about politics. We agree on most things, being conservative in nature, but I match my conservative ideas to those of the Church and they attach theirs to politics. This leads them to say horrible things about migrants or other “races” and their role in our elections. I always try to get them to understand the humanitarian side of issues such as immigration and the refugee crisis, but we always end up in a heated argument. My dad in particular says some of the most awful things about other human beings, but I know that by reacting angrily I’m just making him more and more stubbornly entrenched. If I can’t try to reason him out of his anger, what am I to do? I don’t want to damage my relationship with my dad anymore. But I want to be a proponent for the Church’s ideas of acceptance and helping our fellow man. Please help guide me through this. -J.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is admirable that you want to defend and extol the Church’s stance on various issues, such as immigration. The trick, though, is to do it prudently and charitably.

Sorry to say, but we almost never convince someone of our point of view if we get in an argument with them. People tend to dig in their heels; moreover, the relationship itself suffers, and people end up alienated from one another.

It might be better to leave aside certain issues for the sake of domestic peace. This isn’t to say you drop the issues altogether. Rather, the better alternative might be to look for positive ways to live what you believe.

If you really care about immigrants, etc., then look for ways to donate your time and/or money to helping those folks. Use your energy in that way, and you will probably make more of an impact on your dad. He will see your dedication and concern for immigrants, and that might prompt him to rethink his own ideas. (For related reading, see the U.S. bishops’ conference statements on immigration.)

All this would take time, and there is no guarantee he will change his opinion. But you aren’t called to change his opinion. You are called to show him love and respect, and then to help others in the world as best you can.

Perhaps you should contact your parish to see what can be done. Perhaps there are immigrant families in your own neighborhood who need help. So look to help them, and keep praying for your dad. That way, you use your energy wisely.

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!