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“Ask a Priest: How often can I go to confession?”

May 23, 2023 / Ask a Priest, Confession, Sin and Repentance

Q: Can a person go to confession every week even if they have no mortal sins? Can a person still go and confess venial sins? Or do you need to include one mortal sin from the past? Is it an abuse of the sacrament if you go to confession more than once a week or every week? Is it good to confess temptations, especially the ones you are struggling with? -P.B.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Your desire to take advantage of the sacrament of reconciliation (also called the sacrament of confession, or the sacrament of penance) is admirable. Unfortunately, many people neglect this great means of receiving God’s grace.

Let’s take your questions one by one. First, it isn’t necessary to have a mortal sin in order to go to confession. One of the fruits of frequent reception of the sacrament, in fact, is to help us avoid sin and especially mortal sin. It is enough to confess venial sins, if that is all a person is aware of having committed.

But let’s qualify that last sentence. The Catechism of the Catholic Church, in No. 1458, says, “Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church. Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit.” Still, a confession is valid even if someone doesn’t mention all his venial sins.

Nor is it necessary to mention a mortal sin from the past, so long as the sin was previously confessed and absolved. A penitent does, however, have to mention mortal sins that he forgot to confess previously. (If a penitent deliberately withholds mention of a mortal sin, then the sacrament is invalid and the sin of sacrilege is added to the guilt.)

Mentioning a mortal sin already forgiven can lead a penitent to a deeper appreciation for God’s mercy. But here we should be cautious. If mentioning past sins brings undue anxiety, or if it springs from scrupulosity, that is not good. It is better to leave such sins in the past. Jesus doesn’t want us to beat up on ourselves needlessly. He completely forgets our past sins that we have sincerely confessed, and he wants us to do the same.

Let’s turn to your question about frequent confession. Weekly reception of the sacrament is praiseworthy, especially for a lay person. (It is the recommended norm in many religious congregations.) In principle, a person could approach the sacrament even more frequently. But here it is important that a person isn’t doing this because of scrupulosity. Some basically good people might fear that the sins from the last confession weren’t forgiven. Or they might think that they are constantly falling into mortal sin and need to go to confession every few days. A person who commits a mortal sin should, of course, try to go to confession as soon as possible. In most cases, though, weekly confession suffices very well for a lay person with a healthy spiritual life.

Someone who feels the need to go to confession every few days might want to consider doing so with the same (solid) priest. That would give the confessor a chance to know the penitent and to look for signs of scrupulosity or other problems that might require special attention.

A penitent is free to mention temptations, although this is optional. Temptations — those that weren’t brought on by some fault of ours — are not the same as sins. Mentioning temptations can help for several reasons. First, it might bring comfort to the penitent, who comes away from the sacrament with an even deeper sense of having opened his soul to Jesus. Second, mentioning a temptation can help weaken its power, since talking openly about a problem can be half its solution. Also, it gives the confessor a chance to recommend additional aids to the penitent.

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“Ask a Priest: Should I Skip Fasting If Lodging With a Family?”

September 13, 2022 / Ask a Priest, Confession, Sin and Repentance, Prayer and Spiritual Growth

Q: I know that the obligatory fasting times for Catholics are during Lent and that we are also encouraged to include fasting and abstinence in our day-to-day or weekly schedule. In regards to this, I used to follow that schedule by fasting every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. Also, on those days, I do not include meat in my meals as part of penance. However, I have moved to college and am now staying with a local family in a home-stay accommodation. They have certain times for meals, and certain things they eat, which mostly include meat. Should I still stick to the fasting and abstinence since I am now living communally with a family that is not mine and that might have to adjust their way of life? Or should I just eat whatever is placed on the table, whenever it’s placed? If not, please suggest other ways I could include penance in my daily work without being such a fuss to the family that is now caring for me. Your reply would be really appreciated. – C.M.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s great that you want to include fasting and prayer in your schedule.

At a minimum, Catholics are asked to fast only on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.

Outside of Lent, the Friday abstinence from meat is a good practice, in part because it witnesses to others about your faith.

So, it would be good to see your lodging with this family as a chance to evangelize them through your example.

In practice that means you might tell them ahead of time that on Fridays you won’t be eating meat. They need not prepare anything different for you — you might just rely on other foodstuffs to sustain yourself that day.

Your plan to fast three days a week, however laudable, is certainly beyond the normal requirements of Catholics.

If you find that three days of fasting and abstinence don’t leave you with enough nourishment to keep up with your college work (studies can be draining!), then you might consider adjusting your mix of sacrifices.

For instance, you might limit your fasting and abstinence to Fridays, and instead offer up a rosary or 15 minutes of Eucharistic adoration on Wednesdays and Saturdays.

In any case, on a day-to-day basis we can practice penance by accepting the normal hardships of life without complaint.

We can also mortify ourselves by limiting our use of media (TV, videos) and our use of goods (choose modest brands instead of luxury items). We can also mortify ourselves by our modesty in speech and dress, and by our universal charity.

Do all that, and you can be on the road to holiness.

For more reading see the U.S. bishops’ conference webpage on Fast & Abstinence.

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“Ask a Priest: Is Mortification Necessary?”

May 17, 2022 / Ask a Priest, Confession, Sin and Repentance, Prayer and Spiritual Growth

Q: For repentance, is mortification necessary to be a saint? Many saints do mortification, and I would like to know the Church’s positions on that. Can you mention some mortification practices for repentance? And could you recommend some good books on the subject? – Alex

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: In the wide sense, every Catholic should practice some form of mortification. It’s not just something for saints.

We should do some kind of bodily penance, including occasional fasting or abstinence from certain foods.

This kind of mortification helps us to make reparation for our sins and for the temporal punishment linked to them.

When you mention the mortification practiced by the saints, you might be referring to extreme cases, such as St. Simeon the Stylite, who lived atop a pillar for decades, or St. Kevin, who would stand in the cold waters at Glendalough in Ireland, reciting the psalms.

Many spiritual writers, however, dissuade people from extremes in mortification, for two basic reasons.

One, there is a very human tendency for us to “compensate” later for extreme mortification. We fast one day, then binge on junk food the next. The pendulum swings wildly.

A second reason is that extreme mortification can inflate our egos. We feel proud of our accomplishments, and might even look down on those who can’t measure up to the same degree of self-denial. Moments of spiritual pride are golden opportunities for the devil to tempt us into a big fall.

Two quick suggestions for balanced mortification would be these:

First, make a little sacrifice at each meal. If you can cultivate this habit, you could go a long way in overcoming other problems.

Second, learn to embrace the trials and struggles of everyday life with patience and humility. Rather than standing in icy waters reciting 150 psalms, it might be more meritorious to deal kindly with a difficult co-worker or neighbor.

Good spiritual books usually deal with the topic of mortification within the whole context of the Christian life.

Some weighty suggestions are The Spiritual Life, by Adolphe Tanquerey, and The Theology of Christian Perfection, by Antonio Royo Marín and Jordan Aumann.

More-accessible books include 60 Days to Becoming a Missionary Disciple, by John Bartunek, and Back to Virtue, by Peter Kreeft.

If ever you feel drawn to extreme forms of mortification, it would be good to check first with your confessor or spiritual director. Sometimes less is more.

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Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type your question HERE and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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“Ask a Priest: Is It Normal to Be Assigned a Rosary as a Penance?”

December 30, 2016 / Ask a Priest, Confession, Sin and Repentance

Q: Just got home from confession and my husband questioned what took so long. I told him my penance was a rosary and he was shocked. (He has not been to confession in decades.) He asked what I had done and if I had “committed adultery or something.” This is probably the fourth time my penance was a rosary, and others are invariably shocked and look crooked at me (as if I might be possessed by the devil) due to my long penance. There is never any counsel given, just absolution and the penance. The sins are often having to do with impatience, selfishness, and a lack of charity toward family members, for which I am sincerely sorry. As I don’t generally feel that God loves me, I try not to live by feelings, but I must admit, based on the genuinely shocked reaction of others by my long penances, I wonder if this is a sign of God’s general disgust with me and my lack of progress. Could I be oppressed by the devil? I go to confession at least once a month, frequently go to weekday Mass, pray the rosary daily, go to adoration regularly, and fast twice a week. I want to love God. I pray to Our Lady of Sorrows for light to make a good confession and for the grace of true sorrow for my sins. I do regular spiritual reading and read at least the daily Scripture readings. I’m pretty sure it’s not God’s fault if I haven’t made progress, but why does getting a rosary for penance make me feel like I’m probably going to hell? Is this an unusual penance? Thank you. -M.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: First off, I’m sure God loves you very much. And your life of piety would indicate that you take your faith very seriously. Rather than guess that you are headed for perdition, or oppressed by the devil, I’d be more inclined to think that Our Lord is anxious for you to become a saint.

Ideally penances should help a person to rise to a higher level of spiritual progress. They aren’t meant as punishment, per se. So while the rosary might seem like a relatively heavy penance in your case, the Holy Spirit is nevertheless working through the confessor to help bring you, and maybe your loved ones, closer to Our Lord.

Perhaps you have felt drawn to daily Mass and rosary, etc., in part to pray for your husband, who has been away from confession for a long time. It would be good to continue to offer up your prayers for him to come back to the sacrament. This is where your personal piety can help him in a profound way.

By way of practical advice, you need not pray the rosary right away after confession. You could do it later at a convenient moment when you won’t draw comments from your loved ones. And you need not tell them about your penances; it is really a matter between you and God. If you want to understand a bit more deeply the beauty of that ancient prayer, you might enjoy our free Retreat Guide on the rosary, “River of Wisdom”.

By way of pastoral advice, you might consider looking for another confessor occasionally. Here I’m assuming that you are going to the same confessor regularly. You mention that there is never any counsel given. That isn’t ideal. Even a confessor pressed for time could and should offer at least a few seconds of advice.

Perhaps if your confessor feels extremely pressed for time in the confessional, he might be hoping that the relatively long time you spend with the penance will give the Holy Spirit ample time to speak to your heart. But that is only a guess. At any rate you might try going to a nearby parish occasionally (if one is available) in search of an alternate confessor.

In any case, it is good to continue regular reception of the sacrament. Our Lord gives a grace no matter what the limitations of the confessor might be. And by all means, be confident that he sees you as his beloved daughter.

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“Ask a Priest: What If a Penance Seems Too Harsh?”

July 3, 2015 / Ask a Priest, Confession, Sin and Repentance

Q: Yesterday I received a penance from a priest, to go two weeks without going to my fiancé’s apartment. It seemed a bit harsh to me. I have never received one like that. Is that a legitimate penance? Also, if I find it unfair or unjust, can I challenge it? Will I still be forgiven for my sins if I do not complete my penance? -N.F.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: In principle, you could “challenge” the penance. Preferably, if you do this, you should return to the same priest and speak with him. Before you do that, however, you might want to consider some points.

A penance, ideally, is aimed at helping the penitent. The priest who hears a confession is sitting, so to speak, in the place of Christ. He and the penitent enjoy a certain grace within the sacrament. The Holy Spirit is working through the priest.

I mention this because it helps to see this particular penance with the eyes of faith. Why do you think the priest assigned this penance? Might it be a penance that could help you greatly in the long term? What might Jesus be trying to tell you through this penance?

In principle, a penance can take many forms — prayers, sacrifices, pilgrimages, etc. In this case the penance could certainly be legitimate if, for instance, its aim is to help you avoid a near occasion of sin with your fiancé.

Also, to challenge a penance could be a sign of spiritual pride — a penitent could think he is a better judge of his own case than the priest. Experience teaches, in fact, that we aren’t always the best judge of our own actions.

As to your other question: Your sins are probably already forgiven. So long as you had a spirit of contrition, a sufficient resolve to avoid sin in the future, and the intention of doing the penance — all this when you were in the confessional — then the absolution takes away the sin.

If a penitent later refuses to do the penance, that would constitute a new sin.

It seems as if you are at a crossroads. If you fulfill the penance, you might find a great grace in all this. It might help you in your spiritual life, which would help make you a better wife in the future. Remember: a big part of being a wife involves helping your husband grow in holiness and reach heaven.

If you don’t fulfill the penance, not only do you risk offending God, but you might be throwing away graces that might not return easily. It is one thing to sin in a moment of weakness. It is quite another to sin after careful deliberation.

Think about it. Pray about it. I will pray, too — that you make the best decision, for your own sake, for your fiancé’s sake, and for the glory of God.

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“Ask a Priest: How do I get out of the loop of sinning and then continually asking for forgiveness?”

September 16, 2014 / Ask a Priest, Confession, Sin and Repentance

Q: If we are saved, what are the negative impacts of sin? If we are forgiven for anything, why should we do good? I want to do better and I need motivation. What I constantly hear is that we are forgiven and that if we ask for forgiveness then everything is fine again, and it sets me in a loop where I can just sin and then ask for forgiveness over and over. –J.W.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Be careful. It’s easy to misinterpret that phrase “We are saved.” True, the Catechism in No. 621 says, “Jesus freely offered himself for our salvation.” No. 622 adds, “The redemption won by Christ consists in this, that he came ‘to give his life as a ransom for many.'”

A cursory reading of those numbers could give the impression that our salvation is assured because of Jesus’ sacrifice. What is assured is that Jesus has opened the possibility of our reaching heaven. But that is no guarantee that everyone will, in fact, do so.

No. 1949 of the Catechism uses more nuance: “Called to beatitude but wounded by sin, man stands in need of salvation from God. Divine help comes to him in Christ through the law that guides him and the grace that sustains him: ‘Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for God is at work in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.'”

Note those words “man stands in need of salvation” — we need salvation, it’s not a given.

The negative impacts of sin are numerous — just pick up any newspaper or click into a news website to get a sampling of the evils out there. And that’s just the stuff that gets reported. The Catechism in No. 1855 says, “Mortal sin destroys charity in the heart of man by a grave violation of God’s law; it turns man away from God, who is his ultimate end and his beatitude, by preferring an inferior good to him. Venial sin allows charity to subsist, even though it offends and wounds it.”

Now to the rest of your question. It’s good that you want to do better. It’s important that you seek forgiveness for your sins. But, again, be careful about language. To say that “everything is fine again” after we ask for forgiveness needs to be clarified.

Yes, our sins are forgiven when we make a good confession (see here). But a good confession demands contrition (sorrow of some kind for having sinned) and a resolution to not sin again. Ideally that resolution should be real and fervent. That means we come out of confession wanting to amend our ways. Without some kind of resolution, the confession might not even be valid. We couldn’t confess, for instance, having watched bad videos, when we have every intention of then going home and watching the same kinds of videos.

That we fall into sin again is another matter. We are human, we are weak. Our Lord knows this. The important thing is that we keep trying to fight bad habits and develop good habits. All that demands effort and prayer and sacrifice — a lifelong task. So to say “everything is fine again” after confession doesn’t do justice to how much we have to fight to overcome our faults and failings.

Then, too, receiving absolution for our sins and doing the penance is not enough. There is still a temporal punishment due for sins. Think of this analogy: Imagine your neighbor through negligence breaks your car windshield. He apologizes and you forgive him. You have “absolved” him, in a sense. But justice demands that he also pay for a new windshield — that’s what temporal punishment is about. It’s about restoring a certain order to things.

No. 1472 of the Catechism touches on this theme: “Grave sin deprives us of communion with God and therefore makes us incapable of eternal life, the privation of which is called the ‘eternal punishment’ of sin. On the other hand, every sin, even venial, entails an unhealthy attachment to creatures, which must be purified either here on earth, or after death in the state called Purgatory. This purification frees one from what is called the ‘temporal punishment’ of sin. These two punishments must not be conceived of as a kind of vengeance inflicted by God from without, but as following from the very nature of sin. A conversion which proceeds from a fervent charity can attain the complete purification of the sinner in such a way that no punishment would remain.”

What this means in practice is that we need to make up for the temporal punishment due to our sins. We can do this through a range of remedies: prayer, almsgiving, fasting, acts of charity, etc. These are the kinds of things that can and should keep us busy all our life. What we don’t make up for in this world, we would have to make up in purgatory (assuming we don’t die in mortal sin, in which case we are lost forever).

So, if someone sins with the idea that he can just confess it later and get off the hook, well, that’s a very faulty attitude. It treats of God’s mercy in so casual a way as to be presumptuous.

What all of us need to do, in the face of our sinfulness, is be humble, ask forgiveness, start over, and make a daily effort at growing in our relationship with God. This helps us to rise above that “loop” that you mention, and to really strive for holiness — and happiness too.

True happiness comes from a deeper and deeper friendship with God. Every sin wounds the friendship. Yes, God will forgive us, but how can our friendship really grow (and thus my happiness in this life really grow), if I am constantly offending my friend and then asking for forgiveness? The friendship will never get to advance in that way. To really grow in holiness and happiness, my friendship has to grow, and that means I have to stop offending my friend.

When you go into confession, resolve to come out a man recommitted to doing your Friend’s will at every moment. And remember Pope Francis’ words, “The Lord never tires of forgiving.… It is we who tire of asking for forgiveness.” Count on my prayers that you never tire of asking forgiveness and resolving to do better. God bless.

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Penance

“Ask a Priest: How often can I go to confession?”

“Ask a Priest: Should I Skip Fasting If Lodging With a Family?”

Got a question? Need an answer?

“Ask a Priest: Is Mortification Necessary?”

Got a question? Need an answer?

“Ask a Priest: Is It Normal to Be Assigned a Rosary as a Penance?”

“Ask a Priest: What If a Penance Seems Too Harsh?”

“Ask a Priest: How do I get out of the loop of sinning and then continually asking for forgiveness?”

Alex Kucera

Atlanta