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“Ask a Priest: What to Make of LGBTQ?”

March 14, 2023 / Ask a Priest, Moral and Social Issues

Q: I am a practicing heterosexual Catholic and I am still confused how men and women convert into LGBTQ. If God created man and woman, why does LGBTQ exist? I was taught by my Catholic parents that God created the differences between men and women for pleasure and to procreate life. Father, help me understand. – A.W.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It sounds as though you have been blessed with sensible parents.

The LGBTQ phenomenon is one of the more bizarre occurrences in modernity. Even its acronym (still expanding) is a bit bizarre.

“Converting” might not be the most accurate word to describe what brings people to embrace or identify with LGBTQ. There are lots of factors involved – psychological, familial, cultural, etc.

The phenomenon of homosexual behavior isn’t new, of course; the Old Testament mentions it (example: Leviticus 18:22), as does the New (see Romans 1:24-27). But the range of problems we are seeing today is unprecedented.

A full answer to your question would require a book or two (or more). Perhaps four short points will help you understand some of the roots of the problem.

First is the fallout from Adam’s sin at the start of human history.

That fallout is original sin and its consequences. Even though baptism takes away original sin from our souls, we still struggle with concupiscence, that is, the tendency to sin (read more in the Catechism in Nos. 385-387, 400, 403 and 405).

Without God’s grace and without the guidance he gave through Revelation, our wounded perceptions of right and wrong can lead some of us to believe that the LGBTQ lifestyle is natural.

Second is the breakdown in sexual morality that accelerated in the 1960s and 1970s. A key moment was the introduction of the first widely available contraceptive pill in 1960.

Very quickly sexual activity was separated (in theory, at least) from procreation, which meant that many people no longer linked sex to a lifelong commitment and to the wider family ties that go along with that.

Promiscuity isn’t new in human history. But what happened in the 1960s ignited a firestorm that still rages.

The result: whole generations have grown up thinking sex can simply be for pleasure with no commitments. And since it’s just for pleasure … it can be done with anyone. Hence, many people see no problem with homosexual behavior.

A third root of the LGBTQ phenomenon is linked to the second: The breakdown in morality has hurt marriages and left a lot of people wounded. Some research indicates that homosexuality is often tied to a person’s poor relationship with one or another parent.

Some radical feminists had problems with their moms, for instance. Many homosexual men have had poor relationship with their dads — hence, they seek affection from males in a distorted way. People struggling with same-sex attraction need compassion and help, but the kind that comes from following Our Lord’s path.

(For more reading see The Anti-Mary Exposed: Rescuing the Culture from Toxic Femininity, by Carrie Gress, and A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality, by Joseph Nicolosi.)

Still another root of the problem started during the Enlightenment. People put more and more faith in science and their ability to shape reality anyway they want. Fast-forward to our day, and that thinking means if a woman wants to be a man, she can do it. And if a man wants to be a woman, so be it.

This is all ignores reality, of course. But some people cherish the illusion that they can be anything they want to be.

As you suggest, God created men and women, and sex is for unitive and procreative reasons. It is meant to unite spouses and to raise up new human life.

We tinker with God’s plan for sex at our own risk. Contraception has led to marriage and family breakdown and to a horrific level of abortion (“the contraception of last resort”). Little wonder that most countries today have below-replacement birthrates and some even have declining populations.

All this does not bode well for the future.

Is there hope? Yes, if people embrace God’s plan for sex and marriage. A point of reference is St. John Paul II’s theology of the body.

This reply is only an attempt to show the tip of an iceberg. But maybe it will give you an idea of where the iceberg came from.

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“Ask a Priest: In Light of Original Sin, Is Human Life a Mistake?”

October 11, 2022 / Ask a Priest, Family, General

Q: Given the doctrine of original sin, would it not naturally follow that procreation and human life itself is an error, a mistake? It’s hard for me to reconcile the idea of being born in such a state and being subject thus to the vices and errors of this world and also saying, “God is our Father, we are his children.” Even Christ himself states that very few people find the narrow path, and sinners are condemned to hellfire. Wouldn’t it follow from these two points that procreation and life are almost a tragedy? Would it be better to not be born? I can’t help reach this conclusion, based also the experience of the world full of hate and suffering. For example, what purpose was served when my relative was born and then died shortly after? What did God have in mind for this child? Do our individual lives really have any meaning? – K.B.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: You raise provocative questions. Others have raised similar questions in the past, including the Manichaeans and Albigensians. The Church rigorously opposed the ideas of both groups.

A full answer to your questions could fill a book. But let’s attempt a short answer.

Everything that God creates is good. God created the universe, in fact, for our benefit. All the wonder and beauty of the physical universe is meant for us, to serve us and to give us a glimpse of God’s goodness.

Now, recall his first command to humans: “Be fertile and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). God wanted lots of people in the world, in part to enjoy the universe he created.

The creation of a new soul is an ontological good. A soul is good in and of itself, by its very existence. And God didn’t rescind his first command just because of the sin of Adam and Eve.

God’s plan to fill the world with people is still active. So, it is good that married couples continue to cooperate with Our Lord to bring new life into the world.

And new human life is not meant just for this world. It lasts forever.

To think that the very act of living somehow reflects an existential injustice is an idea based on a view that life is just temporal and fleeting. Rather, eternity has to be taken into account.

While the death of a baptized infant might seem meaningless, it’s good to remember that that child now lives forever with God in perfect happiness.

That we contract original sin from our first parents doesn’t take away the fact that our very being is still good. Though the sin of Adam and Eve lost a patrimony that was supposed to be communicated to future generations, Christ (the New Adam) brought a new patrimony that offers salvation to those who believe and follow him.

Yes, we are flawed, but baptism can take away original sin, and further graces (through the other sacraments, for instance) can absolve us from sin and lead us to growth in holiness.

Now, it’s true that many people don’t seem to live in accord with God’s plans, and this leads to lots of evil. But the fault here is with people, not with God. God doesn’t make junk.

What he does make are people with free will. If they misuse their free will, that is unfortunate. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that God’s creating them is still a good in and of itself.

Moreover, even a lost soul says something good about God. It shows that God respected the free will he gave to a person and that he didn’t revoke that gift just because the person chose poorly.

Our time in this world is the time we have to become saints. The shortness of earthly life helps to remind us how precious it is and how we need to make the most of it for God’s glory.

Do our individual lives make a difference? Of course. We all are beloved children of God, called to give him glory and to be with him forever in heaven.

If ever we wonder whether we are “worth it,” we only have to look at a crucifix to see what Jesus was willing to do for us and our redemption. For we all matter to Christ.

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“Ask a Priest: Did God Create Sexual Desires?”

October 18, 2019 / Ask a Priest, Purity and Modesty

Q: I am a 19-year-old women who came across this site when I desperately needed it. Although I am not a Christian, I agree with many of the Christian sayings. I am always looking for truth in how I should live and think in order to stay on the right path of good and justice. My question is, is the flesh evil? Does it belong to Satan? Or did God create the flesh? Furthermore, did God create bodily desires such as sexual desires for others, even though you have a lover? I am just so sick and tired of my sexual desire that I’m at the point where I want to get rid of it. Because of this bodily desire, I am already cheating in my mind, which would of course hurt my partner, as well as myself. I just don’t know what to do. Please help me. I need to change. — Anna

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: That you are searching for the truth is a good sign. It seems as though God is leading you on a path closer to himself. This is good. This is something you want to pursue.

Let me offer an overview of what Christians believe. This will help with your individual questions.

First, God created everything. And everything is good. “God looked at everything he had made, and found it very good” (Genesis 1:31).

But things went wrong at the start of human history. Man sinned, and because of that, pain and suffering entered the world.

Another result — and this is a bit mysterious – is that we share in what is known as original sin. Think of this as a defect in our human nature.

Original sin has three consequences: It darkens the intellect, weakens the will, and distorts the passions.

The result is that we are often wrong about things. We misjudge situations or people. Or we are swayed by prejudices.

Displays of weakness might take the form of laziness or a lack of resolve to speak up in the face of injustice.

Distorted passions surface as lust, gluttony, greed. Unchecked, the passions can run wild and drag down a person.

As for sexual desires: God created sex, and therefore it is good. It is meant for married couples who are committed to each other for life and who are open to the possibility of new life. Any use of the sexual facilities outside this context is a misuse of them. This is where the effects of original sin can surface in us in a forceful way.

The way to master these sexual desires is through prayer, asceticism and a positive effort at the virtue of chastity. Physical exercise, a tight work schedule, and being careful about use of media all help, too.

Some of the challenges you are facing personally will diminish considerably as you learn to live more in God’s presence. The effects of original sin stay with us, to some extent, throughout our lives. But as God’s grace grows in our souls, those effects influence us less. And we begin to experience more and more the fruits of the Holy Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).

If you want to learn more about the Catholic faith, you might want to read the Youth Catechism (of YouCat) or the Compendium of the Catechism (available online).

For more reading about chastity, see How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul.

Try to read a bit of the Gospels each day and learn about the person of Jesus Christ. He is the Son of God who took on human nature. He is the redeemer of mankind, the central figure in history. He is the way, the truth and the life.

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“Ask a Priest: How Quickly Can Jesus Cleanse Us of Sin?”

August 7, 2018 / Ask a Priest, Confession, Sin and Repentance

Q: When we repent and stop sinning, how long does it take Jesus to cleanse us of our sins? – L.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Your question is actually quite complex.

If we make a perfect act of contrition — that is, an act of sorrow for our sins based purely on love of God — then Jesus could choose to forgive us immediately.

If a Catholic has sinned mortally, this perfect act of contrition should be followed by his going to the sacrament of reconciliation and confessing the sins. If he doesn’t go to confession out of neglect, that act of contrition won’t be enough to take away the mortal sin. His soul would be at risk.

When you say “stop sinning,” you probably mean that as a relative term. Aside from those on the brink of death, very few people stop sinning totally after repenting and going to confession. Because of our fallen human nature sin will likely occur again.

This doesn’t mean that we are doomed or that Jesus has given up on us. It’s just that sin, at least venial, will likely be a part of our lives till the end.

So when it comes to being “cleansed of our sins” by Jesus, we shouldn’t be shocked if we have a relapse.

Moreover, cleansing can have various meanings.

If we mean simply forgiveness, that can be instantaneous.

If we mean being freed of all tendency to sin, that is unlikely, given the aftereffects of original sin. In fact, spiritual growth is a constant process by which these tendencies are purified and new tendencies (virtues, gifts of the Holy Spirit) take deeper root and develop.

But even the saints bear witness to the simple fact that spiritual battle (which involves resisting sinful tendencies and temptations to sin) continues until the very end of our earthly lives. The good news is that if we truly make efforts to grow spiritually, we get better at battling, and our victories spread God’s grace not only into our own lives, but also into the Church and the world around us.

Going back to the concept of “cleansing” from sin: If we mean that we are cleansed of all temporal punishment due to sins we have committed, even those already forgiven, that can vary.

If we are fortunate, we might receive a plenary indulgence right before our death and be spared purgatory. If not, we will need to pay the debt of the temporal punishment through suffering in purgatory. To better understand what “temporal punishment” means, you might find the conference from this Retreat Guide useful: Fire of Mercy: A Retreat Guide on All Saints and All Souls Day.

The important thing is to repent for whatever sins we have, sooner than later, and try our best to stay on the right path. For that we can turn to prayer, the sacraments, acts of charity, and the intercession of the saints.

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“Ask a Priest: What If Adam and Eve Hadn’t Sinned?”

April 3, 2018 / Ask a Priest, Doctrine

Q: The reason God created material human life in the first place, was for human creatures to know him and choose to love him freely via their free will, that is, not created like the angels who are already in heaven glorifying God and who had no material life and had no free-will test presented to them. So, Adam and Eve were in effect given the choice to choose him freely via the test of the tree of life — which they failed. The result of that sin is the life we humans live today, freely choosing via our free will to accept or reject God via the moral choices we make. If Adam and Eve did not sin, would they and their descendants never have encountered sin for the rest of their life since Adam and Eve passed the first test? — Frank

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Let me try to address some of your points and questions.

First, the angels, too, faced a test. They weren’t already in heaven when they were created. They were tested, and some of them failed; these are the ones who rebelled against God. These we know as Satan and the other demons.

Second, the test in the Book of Genesis revolved around the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. The tree of life was something different. When Adam and Eve partook of the forbidden fruit, they indeed gained knowledge of evil, having by then disobeyed God.

Third, if Adam had not sinned, there wouldn’t be the original sin that he passed on to others. This doesn’t rule out the possibility, however, that his descendants could have chosen to sin, since they too would have free will. But those offenses would be actual sins, not original sin that they would pass on to others.

Recall that one doesn’t have to suffer the effects of original sin in order to commit actual sin (Adam and Eve didn’t have original sin).

As for Adam “passing the first test”: presumably the forbidden fruit would have been there all the days of his life on earth and thus always a temptation.

On the positive side we could say that Adam would have had the chance to decide every day to continue to obey God – and so use his free will well.

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“Ask a Priest: When Is It OK to Fast?”

June 23, 2017 / Ask a Priest, General

Q: Aside from times of the year when fasting is encouraged or required, when is it appropriate to fast? Also, are there any prayers for fasting? I haven’t had much luck finding any. Thank you! – J.R

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Fasting is prescribed by the Church for the faithful, aged 18 to 59, only twice a year, on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.

Other times are optional, and the day and frequency depends on each person. Some people might do it once a month, perhaps on a Friday. Some do it every Friday. Some might do it for a special intention. There are no set rules on this.

Fasting has two basic purposes in our spiritual life.

The first has to do with our need to discipline our nature desires and cravings. Ever since the coming of original sin, we have had built-in tendencies to overindulge in pleasures, which can even lead to idolizing them — that is, thinking that certain pleasures or material things can satisfy our deepest needs and give meaning to our lives. These tendencies need to be recognized and disciplined. Fasting helps us do that.

The second purpose of fasting is to willingly share in Christ’s own redeeming self-sacrifice. When we voluntarily choose to make a sacrifice, we can unite it to Christ’s self-offering through a simply prayer, offering up our discomfort or suffering for the conversion of sinners, the reparation of sins, and the strengthening of Christians everywhere. To learn more about this spiritual discipline of “offering it up,” you can watch or read the conference portion of the retreat guide called “A Mother’s Tears.”

With that in mind, it is worth mentioning that fasting can take a lot of different forms. The traditional form of eating less, or making small sacrifices at meals, is tried and true. But you can also “fast” for certain periods from the Internet or from watching movies, for example. Periodic “digital fasts” can open up space in our lives for prayer and greater intimacy with God, in addition to the other benefits of fasting.

Fasting requires a bit of caution. Sometimes we can overdo fasting, only to swing back to the other extreme “to make up” for lost meals. It is good to check with a spiritual director or confessor if you want to undertake a routine of fasting.

Perhaps an alternative to fasting would be to simply give up a little something at each meal — by taking a smaller dessert or forgoing gravy on the meat, for instance. Sometimes the ongoing little sacrifices can be just as valuable as fasting.

I’m not familiar with prayers for fasting, per se. One sample you can find HERE on the Internet.

One of the values of fasting is that it can make our other prayers more meritorious. For that reason a special prayer for fasting might not be essential. What you could do is make a simple prayer of your own: “Lord, I offer up my fasting today for X.”

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“Ask a Priest: Did God Make Us as Sinners?”

January 22, 2016 / Ask a Priest, God

Q: I have been raised as Roman Catholic. I’ve tried my hardest to remain faithful. I make it my duty to teach my children the beautiful teachings of the Bible and Jesus Christ. However, recently I have run into a huge hurdle regarding my faith. I don’t understand why God made us sinners. Why is sin inevitable for every single one of us? If it is already pre-determined that we are all sinners, then why must we repent? God made us like this. Is it really our fault, or is it his? And if this is how he made us, doesn’t that mean we are not good? If it’s impossible for a person to live and die without ever sinning (with the exception of Mary, mother of Jesus, and babies, I suppose), then did he truly make us good? Please help me. It has been on my mind for a very long time, and I feel I am pulling away from God. -A.S.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is good to hear that you are taking seriously your responsibility to educate your children in the faith. That is one of the greatest acts of love and service you can do for your children.

Now to your question. It is good to remember, first and foremost, that everything God creates is good. “God looked at everything he had made, and found it very good” (Genesis 1:31 ). That includes human beings, who are made in his image and likeness (see 1:26).

It is not pre-determined by God that we are sinners. In his original plan for the world, we were all meant to live in perfect harmony with his will.

The sin of Adam upset all of that. In a mysterious way the sin of Adam affected all of his descendants, including us. Just as we inherit certain features from our own parents, so we (including babies) inherit something from Adam: original sin.

Original sin can be thought of as a defect in our nature. It can be removed by baptism, yet it leaves an aftereffect – namely, concupiscence, the tendency to sin.

The Catechism in No. 405 says, “Although it is proper to each individual, original sin does not have the character of a personal fault in any of Adam’s descendants. It is a deprivation of original holiness and justice, but human nature has not been totally corrupted: it is wounded in the natural powers proper to it, subject to ignorance, suffering and the dominion of death, and inclined to sin — an inclination to evil that is called ‘concupiscence.’ Baptism, by imparting the life of Christ’s grace, erases original sin and turns a man back towards God, but the consequences for nature, weakened and inclined to evil, persist in man and summon him to spiritual battle.”

God in his mercy didn’t give up on the human race. He sent his Son as our redeemer. With the grace of God, especially through prayer and the sacraments, we can attain holiness.

It is good to be clear: God did not make us sinners. He never makes anything bad. He does, however, respect our freedom. He respected Adam’s freedom, just as he does ours. If we commit actual sin, it is our fault, not God’s. Still, he is always there ready to extend his mercy to those who repent.

So how should you move ahead? With great humility! Be humble and honest enough to recognize that your sins are your choice – and that you need God’s mercy and forgiveness as do the rest of us.

All this should give you a sense of hope. You are, after all, a beloved daughter of God. He only wants the best for you and your family. If you stay close to Jesus and the sacraments, and cultivate a devotion to Mary, you will sense God’s goodness and closeness.

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“Ask a Priest: Why Is It So Tough to Stop Sinning?”

November 13, 2015 / Ask a Priest, Confession, Sin and Repentance

Q: Even David in his great glory sinned. Even the apostles failed. Peter denied Christ three times. Some of them doubted the Resurrection even after seeing him walk on water, perform miracles (healing the blind, raising the dead). If sin is a choice, why can’t even the most faithful Christian stop sinning? Is it really that difficult to be a decent human being? You are in control of your thoughts, emotions and deeds. If it were that easy, why do people fail? Why can’t people simply make good choices? -I.O.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Your observations and questions bring to mind that quote from St. Paul, “What I do, I do not understand. For I do not do what I want, but I do what I hate” (Romans 7:15).

The short answer to your questions could be this: Original sin has done serious damage to our human nature. It has darkened our intellects, weakened our wills, and disordered our passions.

God hasn’t given up on us, fortunately. He gives us grace to raise us up, but we need to do our part. That means we need a life of prayer, sacrifice, and a willingness to try to learn our faith better. If this seems like hard work, well, it is. But it is made easier by God’s grace.

Remember, life is a battle. The devil wants to drag us down, but Christ wants to lift us up. Christ is much more powerful than the devil, but that doesn’t mean we will glide through life. Which is why we need to commit to serious spiritual warfare.

(For more reading, see an earlier Q&A . For a helpful retreat guide on the theme, see “The Anatomy of Temptation”.)

I hope this helps. God bless.

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“Ask a Priest: What Makes Satan so Evil?”

August 7, 2015 / Ask a Priest, Doctrine

Q: I have been thinking a lot about the whole story of the Bible, and I wanted to ask, What is it that actually makes Satan evil, besides having free thought and questioning God? Other than that, it does not seem like there is any reason to believe Satan is evil other than God telling us he is. I will admit I do not know a whole lot about the Bible, but God seems very hypocritical because he kills many in the great flood and has his commandment “Thou shall not kill,” but he tells the Hebrews to go to war and kill many people — soldiers and civilians — to get a city of their own. I am very confused by why I should believe Satan is evil because it does not really show. -A.K.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: A simple way to approach your questions is, first of all, to focus on one fact: God is infinitely good, infinitely merciful, infinitely true. To call God hypocritical is wrong and should give one pause to rethink assumptions.

Satan was an angel, a pure spirit created out of love for God. Satan was among the highest of the angels. God gave the angels a choice. Some chose to go against God, their creator and the source of everything good in the universe. With their fall they became the bad angels, the demons, with Satan foremost among them. Since then, the demons have been actively trying to destroy everything that God loves, especially human beings, through sowing seeds of arrogance, violence, deception, infidelity, and all other forms of sin — that is why the demons are evil.

Our first parents also sinned, and because of that we inherit original sin, a defect in our human nature. This has painful consequences. It darkens our intellects, weakens our wills and disorders our passions. This is why the world is in such a mess.

Now, God in his justice could have written us off, but he didn’t. He promised a redeemer (Christ). Much of the Old Testament is a narrative of how God reaches out and offers friendship to man, but man spurns him many times. This is not unlike a child who rejects his dad’s love and who shows disobedience at every turn. We wouldn’t fault the dad for disciplining the child, even severely, for the youngster’s good. This is kind of what happens in the Old Testament. God, like that dad, is loving, but his children are unruly. God’s reactions seem severe at times, but from his perspective he is trying to discipline his kids.

As to the brutal stories of the destruction of whole towns and peoples: It isn’t 100% clear whether God commands that, or whether Moses or another figure decides to carry out God’s general commands in a brutal way. This distinction is an important one. Moses and other people were a work in progress, and they didn’t decide things based on 21st-century standards of behavior (although news reports would indicate that the standards of this century aren’t always that elevated, either).

God’s highest revelation is in the person of Jesus Christ. It is in Christ that we find out who God is. God is a Trinity. God is love. That has to our criterion for understanding God. Satan had a better understanding of God, yet he rejected him. Which is why Satan’s sin was all the worse. Keep in mind, too, that Satan would do anything to have each of us join him for eternity. A sobering reminder of his evil intentions.

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Alex Kucera

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