Regnum Christi

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“Ask a Priest: What If a Roommate Wants Her Boyfriend to Stay With Her?”

Q: I am in university, and one of my flat mates who is non-Catholic / non-religious asked me if it was okay for me if she brought her boyfriend to stay with her (in her room). We will be sharing the same bathroom and kitchen as her, but she and her boyfriend will be in her room as we have individual rooms. I was wondering if it was okay that I said it’s fine by me or should I have said no. This is because she is not a Christian, so I thought there was no purpose telling her about the chance of sin because they are not religious and don’t even know the fundamental beliefs, and I just met her only a few weeks ago. I am just scared of sinning. Thank you for your help. – T.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is certainly legitimate for you to tell your roomie that you aren’t comfortable with a man staying overnight, regardless of the moral implications. You have a right to feel safe in your own home.

You mention that this woman is one of your flat mates. If you are in an apartment with multiple rooms and shared living space, you might want to look at the legal side.

For instance, are overnight guests allowed in your flat? There might be legal rules that tie your hands – or perhaps give you leverage, if the lease limits the number of people allowed on the premises overnight.

In any case, you are justified in not wanting to support anything that you know or believe to be objectively sinful or at least a near occasion of grave sin.

It’s understandable that you roommate might not be familiar with basic moral norms if she indeed is “non-religious.”

Perhaps your roomie’s question caught you by surprise and you didn’t want to go into “lecture mode.” Nevertheless, your acquiescence could be construed as approval.

You might want to approach your roommate in a calm moment, and say that her initial question caught you off-guard, but that, on second thought, you don’t feel comfortable with having a man on the premises overnight.

You could explain that the prospect of bumping into a man in the middle of the night in the bathroom is not appealing.

If pressed, you could also share your beliefs about chastity, etc.

Perhaps you might take this to prayer first. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and your roomie. Try praying and offering sacrifices for her. Jesus wants her to get to heaven, too.

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“Ask a Priest: What If My Girlfriend Wouldn’t Want Our Kids Raised Catholic?”

Q: My girlfriend of five months is the sweetest girl and truly has a deep love for Jesus. Despite marriage being far away, I wanted to talk to her about some of the aspects of a Catholic marriage. She’s open to marrying in a Catholic church. However, she doesn’t see herself being Catholic and isn’t sure if she wants our kids to be Catholic. As the Catholic in the relationship, I understand it is my duty to do everything I can to have our kids baptized in the faith and raise them as Catholics. I know God has a plan, but I’ve never loved anyone like I do her, and I believe she is definitely someone I would want to marry. Questions: What if she is unwilling to be open to having our kids baptized and raised Catholic? Do I need to end the relationship? What does it mean that I have to do my best to have them raised in the faith and baptized Catholic? Thanks, Father! – L.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s good that are facing these questions now. As you seem to realize, you have to make a commitment to raise the children in the Catholic faith. Your friend would need to be informed of your duty.

This is spelled out in canon law in the section on mixed marriages.

Canon 1125 says, “(1) the Catholic party declares that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of falling away from the faith and makes a sincere promise to do all in his or her power to have all the children baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church;

“(2) the other party is to be informed at an appropriate time of these promises which the Catholic party has to make, so that it is clear that the other party is truly aware of the promise and obligation of the Catholic party.”

Now, if you have a duty before God, and your friend has no plans to help you fulfill that duty, what might that say about the prospects for a happy marriage?

Here, it seems to come down to a question of who comes first in your life: God or your friend?

In any case, it’s possible the Church might not approve the wedding if your friend is adamant in her opposition to raising the children Catholic.

As for the second question: It might be a moot issue based on how you answer the question above. If you don’t have your friend’s support, you would have to be prepared to override her decision at every step, from having the children baptized to having them catechized. Is that the kind of marriage you would want?

You are only five months into the relationship. Your friend’s sweetness might have its appeal now, but it would be good for the “glow” of the relationship to dim, so that you can look at it more realistically and spiritually.

The Church in general does not recommend mixed marriages. Religious differences can cause lots of tension as the years go on. It is worth reading the Catechism on this issue.

None of this is rules out the possibility of your friend converting or at least having a change of heart about how to the raise the children. But that is hypothetical and not something you can count on happening.

Our Retreat Guide “Three Hearts” could help you to prayerfully reflect on the reality of marriage from God’s perspective.

You might want to take some of this to prayer. And remember: someday you would have to answer before God for how you raised your children in the faith. Count on my prayers.

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“Ask a Priest: May My Non-Catholic Friend Go to Confession?”

Q: I have a close friend who has told me she slept with someone. Should I tell/recommend that she go to confession? This friend is a recent Muslim convert to non-denominational Christianity. However, she is still figuring out which church she wants to stick with. She once asked me if she could try out confession with me, and so I brought her to confession with me before any of this happened. She liked it and said she might try it again. I know she feels guilty about what she did because when she first brought it up she talked about hell, like she was going there. I’m worried for her soul. Is this reasonable? Am I being irresponsible for not offering to go to confession with her again or is it not my place to say anything to her at all? I worry so much for her because I remember my own experience with premarital sexual actions and how long that weighed on my conscience before I actually got around to confession. I eventually had to be told to go to confession; however, she’s such a new Christian, and I don’t want to cross boundaries. What should I do? – M.L.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s admirable that you are trying to help your friend. She obviously has a conscience and seems to be seeking the truth.

It would be good to remember, though, that since she isn’t Catholic, she really can’t take advantage of the sacrament of confession. (She could in an extreme case, but that’s another issue.)

She would first need to receive instruction in the faith. Later, if she decides to join the Church, she could go to confession, be confirmed, and receive Communion. But let’s not rush things for the moment.

First, you might encourage her to try to make a perfect act of contrition (sorrow for having offended God).

If she is attracted to confession, then you might encourage her to look into the Catholic faith. Depending on her age, she could enter an RCIA program at a local parish.

In the meantime, you might want to encourage her by reading the Youth Catechism (or YouCat) together. Along the way, the question of chastity and sexual ethics will likely come up. That would be a good time to answer her questions.

Helpful, too, would be for the both of you to watch together our Retreat Guide on confession: “From Sorrow to Joy.”

It sounds as though she already realizes the sinfulness of what she did. Maybe you and her and other friends could look to pursue activities that will help her avoid falling into the same sin again. As you deepen your friendship with her, it will be easier (we hope) to talk about moral issues.

So this could be a great opportunity for you to share your faith as well as to grow in it. That would be the mark of a true friend.

You might want to intensify your prayers for your friend, and ask the Blessed Virgin Mary for assistance. Count on my prayers.

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“Ask a Priest: What If My Boyfriend Won’t Go to the RCIA?”

Q: I love a man who believes in God but has never been baptized. He wants to be, but isn’t quite committed enough to attend RCIA classes, let alone go to Mass once a week, especially since it interferes with his weekend partying ways! What do I do? Encourage him to be baptized anywhere, or keep praying he will realize the Catholic Church is the only way to go? We have been in a loving non-sexual relationship. But I am reluctant to commit to marriage to someone not committed to God as I am. Thanks for your help. – I.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s good that you are so concerned around your friend. It is also good that you want to be married to someone who shares your commitment to God.

A few observations might be helpful.

First, faith is a gift of God. We can encourage a person to be open to the gift, but ultimately the timetable is out of our control.

Your friend is on a journey that requires his cooperation with God’s grace. If he isn’t ready for the RCIA or doesn’t want to attend Mass because of his party schedule, that indicates he still has a distance to go.

Second, while baptism would be a gift in itself, it’s not clear how he would make his way into a non-Catholic denomination. Would you accompany him? Does he have friends who would introduce him to their denomination?

A potential complication for your relationship would arise if he were to join a Protestant or evangelical group. Many of these groups, by nature, have beliefs opposed to the Catholic faith. Some are overtly hostile to the Church.

If your friend were to join one of those groups, you and he might have baptism in common, but little else. That could make for a rocky relationship and a very difficult marriage.

Third, the grace of God can work marvels in a soul. But you want to be careful and to try to verify your friend’s spiritual progress. Are you seeing progress in his spiritual life week by week, month by month?

A danger here is that little by little you can become emotionally attached to him, and then be tempted to stoke your own (unfounded) hopes for his future conversion. Or worse, you might be tempted to downplay talk of religion altogether.

So be careful. More than a few women have convinced themselves that they will change the man they love — only to find that he proves to be more stubborn than they ever expected.

A good reality-check question to ask yourself is: Could I live with this man, as he is, for the rest of my life? If he never receives baptism, never enters the Church, could I live with that? And what if his weekend partying ways prove to be enduring? Could I see him as the father of my children?

So … you might want to intensify your prayers for him, but look for progress. If the partying continues, if his opposition to RCIA and Mass continues, then you might want to rethink the long-term prospects of the relationship.

Count on my prayers, OK?

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“Ask a Priest: Would It Be OK If I Didn’t Marry in the Church?”

Q: I’m a Catholic who will be marrying a non-Catholic early next year. I still attend Mass, my mom is a devout Catholic, but my dad has fallen away from the Church. On my fiancée’s side, only an aunt and uncle go to Mass regularly, and the rest practice various forms of Christianity. That being said, we decided it was best for both families if we didn’t get married in a Catholic church. We’d still like to attend pre-Cana instruction, but I’m wondering if this will be allowed? I’d like to have the marriage blessed/convalidated, and have spoken at length with my fiancée about it and know that pre-Cana is a requirement. But I’ve read that some more traditional-minded priests don’t like to do this, so I’m a little concerned. -P.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: As a baptized Catholic your marriage would only be valid if approved by the Church. In theory it is possible to get a bishop’s approval to marry in another location (outside of a church building), but such permission is not automatic and is usually given for a serious reason.

You seem to be asking, though, about getting married without Church approval. That is a different matter altogether.

Besides the simple fact that marriage is something sacred, something linked both to creation and to redemption, it is also a public act. When the couple get married, it is not just a private contract, but an entering into a relationship that in its nature has social repercussions. It is for this reason that the Church has established clear requirements for its celebration. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church reminds us, “Since marriage establishes the couple in a public state of life in the Church, it is fitting that its celebration be public, in the framework of a liturgical celebration, before the priest (or a witness authorized by the Church), the witnesses, and the assembly of the faithful” (No. 1663).

It is good to remember, too, that a marriage blessed by the Church and God brings with it a special grace. Such a grace helps the spouses overcome difficulties and grow in holiness. To marry without Church approval would deprive you of grace and make your living together objectively sinful.

You don’t want to base your decision on a Church-approved marriage based on the beliefs of family members (yours or hers). That is the wrong kind of criterion. You want to focus on what is going to help you and your bride to be. This is where you want to show spiritual leadership and not worry about the sensibilities of your relatives or her relatives. After all, it was God who established marriage and the rules for marriage — your relatives and your fiancée’s relatives didn’t do that.

In short, you want to have your priorities correct. God comes first. In fact, the best thing you can do for your loved ones is to stay close to Jesus and to what he asks of you through his Church. It sounds as if some of the relatives could benefit from the example of someone who tries to live the faith integrally. (Perhaps the online retreat “Three Hearts” would help you.

It might be good to speak with your parish priest about all this. I hope you make the right decision.

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“Ask a Priest: What to Do About Lukewarm Clerics?”

Q: The following is out of love for the Church, please understand that. Part of growing closer to God and his Church is asking questions. Sorry for any disrespect. It really seems like so many of the clerics in the Catholic Church are afraid to just speak the truth. Why? If the Catholic Church is the Church founded by Christ and is protected by the Holy Spirit in matters of faith and morals, then why not say that? Is it so hard? Regarding our Protestant brothers and sisters, the word ecumenism is used all the time. It’s not that I have a problem with the word itself, it’s just that Protestantism is a heresy, period. When did the one, holy, catholic and apostolic Church decide that heresy isn’t so bad? Even the Our Father has been modified in many parishes to include words written by a Protestant (which are not found in the Bible). I didn’t know that the Protestant version was superior to Christ’s original version. Also, I am so tired of the word pastoral. God forbid we tell the active homosexuals and the divorced and re-married Catholics and the Protestants and the abortion supporting politicians that their souls are in grave danger, we might hurt their feelings. The only sin any more is the sin of hurting someone’s feelings. The only hell is the one that Hitler is in (never mind the thousands of people who helped him massacre God’s chosen people). Also, I find that many priests either don’t know or don’t care how to properly receive the Eucharist. I find it hard to believe they don’t know (because I do, and I am not “educated”). So, they must not care (or they think they know better than the Pope). Hardly anyone receives the Eucharist at my parish properly. Disrespect is shown all the time (and the priest says nothing). Is he afraid? I mentioned it to him once and he agreed with me; still, he says nothing and continues to allow the abuse of the Eucharist. How hard is it to explain to your congregation how to receive the Eucharist in accordance with the rules? People should either receive properly or they should be denied, simple. Any sin can be forgiven, but only through true penance. For those who refuse to repent, who cares? They are the children of the serpent and have made their decision. Hell is a choice of free will. We need to stop walking on eggshells for these people. Sorry for the tone, I’m just so frustrated with the “lukewarm” attitude of so many clerics. Sometimes I just want to shake them! The worst part is that I have e-mailed countless bishops on these issues and have never gotten a single response, ever! Any help on this matter would be most appreciated. My faith is really being challenged these days. God bless. -JH

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is good to hear that your e-mail is motivated out of love for the Church. That is a crucial principle to keep in mind when confronting the problems you mention.

Let’s say it up front: The Church is in a mess, no doubt, and some of the mess is of its own making. But this isn’t anything new. The Church has had problems since the beginning — note the betrayal of Judas and the scandals cited by St. Paul in some of his letters.

All this shows that the Church has both a divine and human side.

The divine side is perfect: It is the mystical body of Christ. It is holy. It helps people get to heaven. It shows God’s glory in the world.

The human side is far from perfect: It is full of weak people who sin, some grievously. More than a few give terrible scandal to the people around them.

The Church is a kind of world-class hospital. It has the best equipment, the best staff, the best training. And it is full of sick and disabled people who struggle with all kinds of issues.

Having said that, I’ll turn to the matters you raise.

First, I know a lot of clerics who aren’t afraid to speak about tough teachings of the Church. True, this cannot be said of every cleric. Some avoid tough issues for various reasons. Some, I suspect, are gun-shy because of negative feedback from parishioners. This isn’t an excuse for not teaching Church doctrine, but it might explain the environment in which some priests have to work. Out of love for the Church, what to do? A remedy here might be for parishioners to let a priest know that they appreciate it when he speaks about a tough topic. Encourage him, and let him know he has support for teaching Church doctrine.

Second, while it is true that the Church has sound and solid doctrine, there is a subjective element, a (sorry to use the “p” word) pastoral element. That is, it isn’t enough to teach “the truth” — it is also necessary to take the audience into account.

A lot of Catholics simply don’t have a solid grounding in the faith. They sometimes have a hard time understanding even the basics of why the Church teaches what it teaches. You and I might understand why the Church teaches against same-sex “marriage.” But many people have had their ideas about this issue distorted by decades of TV shows and Hollywood movies. How do we get through to them? It’s not easy. A priest can deliver a hard-hitting homily on the subject, but it might not sink in. It might even cause a backlash. Love of Church here might mean that we need to do some foundational work, such as study circles on theology of the body, or group discussions to critique certain movies, etc.

As for Protestants: Most non-Catholic Christians have grown up in their respective denominations assuming that they are practicing the faith that Jesus expects of them. We need to respect their good will. We can’t and shouldn’t deal with Protestants today in the same way we might have confronted them in the 16th century. Today, for love of the Church and for the sake of unity within Christianity, we try to look for common ground. We look for ways to build bridges. On this particular point, it might also be helpful for you to read up a bit on the difference between a “material heretic” and a “formal heretic.”

Ecumenism is not meant to water down the faith, although at times that has seemed to be its practical consequence in some areas. Catholics who get involved in serious ecumenical efforts have to be well trained in theology. Out of love we should look to share the fullness of our faith with non-Catholics at opportune moments. Conversely, we can learn a lot from many Protestants and evangelicals who are exemplary in their love for Christ, their knowledge of Scripture, their dedication to family life, and their pro-life efforts. It would be no surprise if many of them have higher places in heaven than a lot of Catholics.

(By the way, no parish should be changing or adding words to the Our Father. If that is occurring, the diocesan chancery might be interested to hear about it.)

It’s true that some people, including politicians, might be endangering their souls by unworthy reception of the Eucharist. In practice, however, it is hard to know a person’s heart and intention, and whether his mistake is based on callousness or ignorance.

The matter of denying someone Communion on the spot is a complicated issue, and one that bishops and pastors have to address on a case-by-case basis. (For more reading see my colleague Fr. Edward McNamara’s article.) Suffice to say that, ultimately, the onus is on the person who goes up to receive the Eucharist; he will have to answer before God as to whether the reception is worthy.

As for proper treatment of the Eucharist in general: I agree that this should always a top priority. It is unfortunate that respect for the Eucharist has waned in these past decades. The problem has lots of roots and lots of bad fruits. You didn’t mention any specifics about what you see as disrespect for the Eucharist, so I’ll keep my response general.

Restoring a sense of awe and respect for the Eucharist begins with each of us. The way we receive it, the way we live our Mass, the time we spend in adoration — all these are ways we can teach by example. And example is not to be underestimated. Living the Gospel in its fullness would make us saints — and saints can change the world, with God’s grace.

When you see clerics who seem lukewarm, pray for them. When you see sloppy behavior around the Eucharist, be sure to act more reverently. When you see a lack of priests in an area, pray for vocations. “Do not be conquered by evil but conquer evil with good” (Romans 12:21).

We are in the middle of a war. The devil has launched a major offensive on all fronts. There is dissension and, yes, some cowardice, in the ranks. The Church is suffering from infighting and infidelities. This Church, this bride of Christ, is under attack.

All of that is true and urgent. And yet, on the other hand, each of us needs to keep in mind that the battle is also personal. In a particular cleric’s case, the devil may be trying to undermine his courage. In your case, maybe the devil is trying to make you forget about Our Lord’s call to be merciful and to avoid judging our neighbor (see Luke 6:36 and Matthew 7:1-5). In battling against these temptations, we build up Christ’s Kingdom and grow in holiness ourselves. Neither of us is responsible for the choices of our fellow-Catholics, but we are responsible for our own growth in intimacy with Christ and in Christian virtue.

Now isn’t the moment for us to point fingers at one another. Now is the time to defend the Church, the bride of Christ. If we want to bring joy to Our Lord and help the Church, we need to intensify our prayer. We need to try to build unity in parishes and dioceses. We need to support bishops and priests and consecrated men and women and spouses and families and single people and widows and widowers and the unborn.

We need to cooperate with Protestants and Orthodox to build unity within Christianity. We need to cooperate with non-Christians as well, to build peace and justice in the world.

This is the way to face the mess that we see around us. We need to go beyond complaining and start building and repairing. This is the task for our age.

It isn’t an impossible task. The Church started small on that distant day of Pentecost. A handful of apostles and disciples were up against tough odds. But God had a plan, and the seed of the Gospel was sown and eventually bloomed and transformed the world. Could a repeat be in the offing?

I hope some of this helps. God bless.

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“Ask a Priest: What If My Best Dates Have Been With Non-Christians?”

Q: I’m a convert in her early 20s. I joined the Church out of a desire to obey God, to serve him and demonstrate my love for him. I know I am called to a married life. You see, most women dream of a man who sweeps them off their feet and romances them in every way possible. I dream of being patient, supportive, tender to my husband, providing him with a home to rest in and to be his helpmate in every area of life that I can. I dream of building a Godly home where our children are taught about faith and truth and raised to attend church and believe in God and the sacraments. But I struggle so much. I recently started going on dates. My problem is this: I go on a first date, and then I never see the guy again. What’s worse, the Catholic/Christian guys I’ve dated have been TERRIBLE. First, there was a gay man trying to use me to convince other people he was straight, then one guy repeatedly stood me up and blamed me for it. Another guy sold drugs and lied about it, another guy had a porn-and-dishonesty problem, another guy couldn’t use appropriate language or talk about appropriate topics with me, ever. And in general, they tend to act as if I’m not something or someone to be cherished at all — let alone a sister in Christ or a fellow person made in the image of God. Christian guys don’t even act like they want to pursue me at all. A few guys have been remotely decent, but their faith isn’t very solid. Or while they’re devout about acting Catholic, for them Mass is just something you do, not something that has significance or real meaning. Moreover, for various health reasons my biological clock is ticking away twice as fast as anyone else’s. So I moved home and joined the largest parish in my area. The Theology on Tap group for the city has six unmarried women and 10 married couples. I’m the only 20-something practicing Catholic attending my parish. So I can’t meet good men through Church. I started online dating, and I was introduced to a number of good young Christian men — all with the above terrible results. Then I got involved with an atheist. He was wonderful. He asked me questions, he put a sincere effort into getting to know me — truly to get to know me — and on our date, he was a perfect gentleman. Add to that the excellent conversation, and the date was amazing, easily the best I’d ever had in my life. He and I didn’t last long. But a week ago I went out with a Muslim man I met through mutual friends … and he topped the experience. He was better than the atheist, and by extension, he was better than all the Christian/Catholic guys I’ve ever dated. Now I’m in between a rock and a hard place. I probably shouldn’t have gone out with either of these young men, but to be fair, I don’t really believe I deserve to be treated the way pretty much every other Christian guy has treated me. It’s appalling to me that the young men who have treated me the best aren’t Christians at all. The Muslim man wants to see me again. He’s really very nice and decent, but I know I can’t keep seeing him. I’ve created quite a bit of a mess with this. I’m just a bit frustrated and have many questions. Why don’t Christian men treat me with the respect and dignity they know they ought? Why do non-Christians treat me so much better? Do I need to settle for someone who doesn’t treat me well to have a God-honoring relationship and eventually a marriage? Or did God give me desires and dreams, but there’s no intent for him to ever fulfill them? -S.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: I am deeply sorry to hear about your plight and your inability to find a man with whom you can share your faith and your life’s aspirations.

Your situation, unfortunately, is not uncommon today. Character seems in short supply. So where does this leave you?

I won’t pretend to offer any easy answers – and certainly there are no guarantees in the area of romance and marriage. That said, perhaps a few observations could help you keep things in perspective.

First, you were made for a perfect love. That is the good news. The sobering news is that none of us will find a perfect love in this world. We would find it only in heaven.

There is only one perfect Man for you, and that is Jesus. In him God gives you ultimately the fulfillment of your desires.

So the key thing would be to cultivate that most important relationship. That is something within your grasp.

Make time for prayer and the sacraments. Get to know Jesus in the Gospels and the Eucharist. This will help even if you find someone with whom you want to enter marriage.

Second, it is sad to hear that some of your worst encounters have been with ostensibly Catholic/Christian men. That can be the downside of online dating services.

It might be good to pursue the alternative, that is, to screen men through networks of acquaintances and friends. This is where it helps to get involved in volunteer work – perhaps helping out in the pro-life cause or visiting shut-ins.

This might put you in touch with people with a genuine faith and apostolic zeal who in turn might put you in touch with like-minded folks.

Third, notwithstanding the pleasantness of the non-Christians you have met, there is a built-in risk.

The Church in its wisdom doesn’t encourage marriages between Catholic and non-Christians. Experience has shown that there are lots of deep-seated differences that can make for rocky unions.

Think about it: If Jesus really is the most important person in your life, won’t it become a more and more unbearable burden if you can’t share that faith with your spouse? Wouldn’t you want to be able to share the deepest part of your soul with your spouse?

The Catechism dedicates some passages to addressing this issue. Here I will quote some of them:

No. 1633 In many countries the situation of a mixed marriage (marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic) often arises. It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors. A case of marriage with disparity of cult (between a Catholic and a non-baptized person) requires even greater circumspection.

1634 Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise. […]

1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: “For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband.” It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this “consecration” should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith. Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion. [end quoted material]

Although the Church would hope for the conversion of a non-baptized spouse, this has proven to be especially difficult in marriages involving Muslims. So you would want to proceed with great prudence and realism in your current relationship.

To return to that earlier question: Where does all this leave you? Well, stay focused on your relation with Jesus. As long as that relation is OK, everything else works out one way or another.

Putting Christ first will also help you evaluate the other relations that come along. A husband who would try to dissuade you from following Christ wouldn’t be much of a husband.

Getting involved in charitable work will help you use your energy for good things. There is no need to put life on hold while you are looking for a spouse. Being generous with others will be blessed by God, it will allow you to channel your maternal instincts, and, again, it might bring you in touch with better marriage prospects.

Remember, too, that although you met some unsavory Christians, not all baptized men are like that.

And stay close to the Blessed Virgin Mary. She will intercede for you. I hope some of this helps. God bless.

“Ask a Priest: What If My Best Dates Have Been With Non-Christians?” Read More »

“Ask a Priest: Is It Wrong for a Non-Catholic to Wear a Rosary?”

Q: I grew up in the Lutheran faith but no longer identify myself as such. Over time I’ve struggled with my faith, but as of the last few years I finally feel comfortable with where I’m at in my relationship with God. As part of that I’ve been wearing a rosary for quite some time because for some reason it brings me comfort, and I feel a sense of protection by wearing it. Is it wrong or hypocritical of me to be wearing it even if I’m not Catholic? I don’t mean any disrespect by wearing it, but I’ve had several people get upset with me for “false advertisement.” Even some say that I don’t deserve to wear it. Am I really disrespecting anyone by doing this, and is it wrong in the eyes of God? -J.M.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Trying to decide the appropriateness of wearing a rosary might depend on a number of factors, for instance, your intention and the impression the rosary makes on others.

Your intention leans in the right direction. Your interest in the rosary might be a sign that the Holy Spirit is leading you closer toward the Catholic Church and possibly a devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary.

The second point deals with whether you are giving scandal to others. Now, we can’t always be responsible for how people react to us. Yet it might be worth asking whether your use of a rosary might be offending Catholics who know you aren’t Catholic. I don’t have an answer here; it is something you might want to take to prayer and see where the Spirit is leading you.

As for Our Lord, it is good to remember that you are a beloved son of his. He only wants the best for you. Given your journey of the past few years, it might be a good time to consider doing a retreat (non-Catholics are usually welcome at Catholic retreat centers).

For further reading about wearing rosaries, see my colleague Fr. Edward McNamara’s column.

Oh, and yes, feel free to pray the rosary too. Online guides will help you. I hope this helps. God bless.

“Ask a Priest: Is It Wrong for a Non-Catholic to Wear a Rosary?” Read More »

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!