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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: What If I Withheld a Sin in Confession?”

Q: Today I attended a beautiful presentation on the “Treasures of the Church.” The priest who gave the presentation explained that withholding any information in confession would negate all following confessions and communions. In that case I just lost the past 40 years of my life. I’m bewildered and I don’t know what to do now. If this is true, do I no longer belong to the Church? Do I find another religion that will accept me? Do I just worship God myself alone? If I confess my past sin now, can I be absolved? I would appreciate any insights you could share. – M.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: You are still a member of the Church and still a beloved daughter of God. And Jesus doesn’t want you or any of us to just worship God solely on our own. That is why he established a Church, a word which translates the Hebrew word for “gathering.” Worshipping God should bring us together here on earth.

A clarification is in order. “Withholding any information” doesn’t invalidate a confession. We aren’t required, for instance, to mention every venial sin.

The Catechism in No. 1458 says, “Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church. Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit.”

For a confession to be valid, we do, however, have to confess all the serious sins that we might have committed since the previous confession, plus any serious sins from the past that we might have forgotten to mention.

To deliberately withhold mentioning a mortal sin makes a confession invalid.

If this is what happened in your case, you can certainly be forgiven and absolved. All you need to do is make a good confession now. The last 40 years of your relationship with God are still real — don’t worry!

You might want to consider making a general confession of your life. Try to plan it well, including any serious sins you haven’t revealed, as well as any times your receive subsequently received Communion.

If need be, tell the priest that you withheld mention of a serious sin 40 years ago. Here is more information about making a general confession: https://spiritualdirection.com/2018/09/27/what-is-a-general-confession.

You might want to approach a priest when there is ample time to confess what needs to be confessed.

For help to prepare for a confession, you might check out https://thelightison.org/guide-to-confession/. I hope some of this helps to bring you to make peace with Our Lord.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Is It OK If I’m Cohabitating and Receiving Communion?”

Q: I am engaged to be married later this year. My fiancé and I have been living together, we are sexually active, and we use contraception. Now it’s my understanding that in order to receive the Eucharist one must not be in the condition of a mortal sin, defined as something of grave matter, done freely, and with full knowledge. I have confessed these sins, but made an imperfect act of contrition, given that I do not intend to change these behaviors since we will be married in a short time. Therefore, even though I have confessed these and done my penance, am I prohibited from receiving the Eucharist, given that each day that I continue in this state? I am still sinning? I do feel genuinely sorry that I did not from the beginning follow God’s commands and abstain from such sins. However, I don’t know how to go about undoing such things and feel it is really too late. Thank you for your valued time. – N.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Part of the goal of marriage is to help the spouses grow in holiness and to get to heaven. Ideally this is something that engaged couples should be doing long before the wedding day: helping each other grow in holiness.

From what you describe, unfortunately, the opposite is happening in your case. You and your fiancé are engaging in fornication, an objectively grave sin that puts your souls at risk. At the very least it is poor preparation for marriage.

Since you asked about receiving Communion, etc., you deserve a straight answer.

First, if you have been going to confession, confessing the sins of fornication, etc., but have no intention of changing your behavior, your contrition has not been “imperfect.” Imperfect contrition is sorrow for sin based on a fear of punishment. As the name implies, it isn’t perfect sorrow, but it would suffice for the sacrament of confession.

In your case, I’m afraid that you really haven’t had proper contrition at all. If you have the intention to sin again, the confession is invalid. The absolution is invalid. And thus it isn’t good to be receiving Communion.

So the bad news is that all those confessions where you had no intention of quitting sin, are probably invalid.

The good news is that you still have time to change. You say it’s “too late” to quit the sin against purity. Think again. Think again for the sake of your soul and the soul of your fiancé.

What you need to consider is moving into separate residences and practicing chastity. You need to have the intention of not returning to fornication (and any other sin). Then you might consider trying to make a good, valid confession. It would be helpful to explain your situation to the confessor.

It would also help for you and your fiancé to do some soul-searching.

You need to ask yourselves if you two are really prepared to sacrifice in order to help each other stay close to God and remain in a state of grace.

At a practical level, ask yourself this: If you are having sex now, what will happen after the wedding day, and those difficult moments arrive when you need to live like celibates? If you haven’t learned self-discipline now, it won’t get any easier later.

Also, you and he need to examine your attitude about contraception. Is that what you plan to do after marriage? Do you understand why contraception can hurt marriage? If not, it might be good to do some research. For materials you might check out Janet E. Smith’s website at http://www.janetesmith.org/.

Now, I don’t intend for this answer to be a downer for you. It is possible that you simply never learned the faith well.

Perhaps it was the Holy Spirit who prompted you to send your questions in the first place. If that is the case, this is an opportunity you want to seize. You and your fiancé have a right to learn what the Church teaches about chastity and marriage and healthy preparation for marriage.

You might want to begin by reading together Pope St. John Paul II’s Letter to Families, Pope Francis’ “The Joy of Love” (especially chapters 4 and 6), and watching our retreat guide on the sacrament of marriage, called “Three Hearts.”

It might be good to speak to a pastor sooner than later. In the meantime try to make time for prayer each day. And ask the Blessed Virgin Mary for help.

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest

Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

“Ask a Priest: Is It OK If I’m Cohabitating and Receiving Communion?” Read More »

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!