Humility

Freedom and Humility

Dear Friends,

Being Set Free: In Luke 1:67-69, Zechariah starts his canticle by blessing the Lord “who has come to his people to set them free,” free from their enemies so that they are free to worship him without fear. Zechariah foresees the fulfillment of God’s covenant in Mary’s womb and foresees the mission of his newborn son as the one who will “prepare the way.” I have often thought, “Does no one see the irony here?” He is talking about an infant and a baby in-utero coming to set everyone free.

This contradiction, improbability, and general unrealistic expectation sets the stage for what has become our central Christian belief: God became human, “dwelt among us” (Jn. 1:14), suffered and died, redeemed us from sin, rose from the dead and now invites us to his Kingdom (heaven). This is very different from the gods of other religions.

A Humble God?: Throughout the centuries, the many gods of the many peoples of the world have had human aspects that are often related to human vices. The Mesopotamian, Sumerian, Egyptian, Greek and Roman deities are all depicted with vices: they could be selfish and lustful, jealous and vengeful, yet sometimes merciful on a whim. Humans were their occasional play-things, subject to their whims rather than free. These gods were all relatable because of their human vices and were recognized as divine because of the power they had to commit vice, yet maintain their power as a god.

However, Jesus Christ, the God of the Christian, is depicted as humble, simple, and selfless: relatable because He became a human person; recognized as divine because of His virtue. Jesus proved His divinity by renouncing all of His power, submitting even to be conceived in the womb of a woman and to grow from baby to child to adult; to be understood or misunderstood, accepted or rejected and eventually captured, beaten, crucified and murdered. “And the word became flesh and made his dwelling among us” (Jn 1:14). He did not “call down fire” (Lk. 9:54) on his enemies or order legions of angels to rescue him in his moments of greatest need (Mt. 26:53). He used the power of his divinity by allowing his humanity to be free and by offering us his heart, full of love for us.

There is a beautiful quote about Jesus from one of the Second Vatican Council documents that is cited in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and which says, “The Son of God. . . worked with human hands; he thought with a human mind. He acted with a human will, and with a human heart he loved. Born of the Virgin Mary, he has truly been made one of us, like to us in all things except sin” (CCC #470; GS 22 § 2).

The Attraction of Humility: Here is the attraction, for me anyway. It isn’t just that God became one of us, but that he chose to live the everyday, the mundane, the simple happiness and the suffering—and that he chose to love. Real human love takes humility, and Jesus did love. John 11:5 says, “Now Jesus loved Mary and her sister and Lazarus.” Lazarus was his friend and he wept at his friend’s death, even though he would raise him from death (Jn. 11:35). Jesus wept over Jerusalem as he looked at the cityscape, because he loved the people in it, past, present and future (Mt. 23:37-39; Lk. 19:41-44). At the end of his life, he prayed for us (Jn. 17:20) to be one in him and in the Father “that the love with which you loved me may be in them and I in them” (Jn. 17:26).

Looking at it from this perspective, the “unrealistic” statements in Zechariah’s canticle came true on a deeper level than even he could fathom. The freedom we gained from the birth we await at Christmas and the suffering and death that brought us life with resurrection gain us a greater freedom than anyone could have imagined. May our hearts be open to this freedom and respond with love to Love.

Your Friend in Christ, 

Nicole Buchholz

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“Ask a Priest: How Can Vanity Be Overcome?”

Q: I’ve been praying hard recently about the sin of vanity. I’m 37 and not really where I want to be in life, so the little signs of aging in my mirror are upsetting. I’ve prayed the novena to Mary, Untier of Knots and have also been reading The Sinner’s Guide by Louis de Granada about the sin of pride vs. the virtue of humility. Yet, I still find myself struggling whenever I look in the mirror. I’ve prayed fervently and tearfully about the situation, asking for God to remove my prideful disposition, and I have felt him answer my plea. But I was wondering if you could provide some additional guidance on conquering the sin of pride with the virtue of humility, not just in how I regard my appearance but in all aspects of life. I cry often about opportunities that I feel I wasted now. Rather than acting like this, I want to embrace whatever simple blessings God has for me. – M.S.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Vanity is often distinguished from pride. It can be defined as an inordinate desire to manifest one’s own excellence. A vain person seeks praise from others and might go to great lengths to get it. Vanity is commonly associated with an exaggerated importance attached to multiple details, especially external appearances.

Pride, on the other hand, “is undue self-esteem or self-love, which seeks attention and honor and sets oneself in competition with God,” according to the glossary of the Catechism.

So it seems as though vanity is your key problem, not pride. A few ways to fight vanity follow.

Cultivate a spirit of great charity toward everyone. Look out for the good of others, and be universal in your charity. Whether a person is attractive or unattractive, rich or poor — treat them all as you would Christ himself.

Also, look for ways to do hidden acts of charity. This helps you to detach from what others think of you and to purify your intentions. Ideally, you do things for the glory of God and not to draw a spotlight to yourself.

You might want to come up with a program for charity. Perhaps you could get involved in volunteer work in the parish — visiting shut-ins, teaching CCD to youngsters, etc. (This related posting on vanity might help too.)

What would also help is to go deeper in prayer, that is, Christian meditation. This could help you learn to see yourself more and more as God sees you, freeing you from some of the insecurity usually associated with vanity. To that end, my colleague Father John Bartunek’s short video on Christian meditation could be useful, as well as his book The Better Part, which could help you form the habit of prayer.

You seem down about not achieving more by this time in life. Let that be a motivation to make the most of the rest of your life.

The last thing you want to do is spend your time bemoaning what you haven’t done. It’s better to devote your time to things you can do.

None of this means you have to go around looking disheveled. It’s OK to take care of your physical appearance. But don’t let it become an obsession.

By focusing on the needs of others, you forget about yourself. And that in turn brings out a deeper beauty in you.

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“Ask a Priest: Is Pride OK Sometimes?”

Q: Is there a situation where it is OK to be proud? I said to a mother, “You must be very proud of your daughter.” And maybe someone could be proud of achieving an award. I assume, though, that since pride is a vice and humility a virtue, it is better to err on the side of humility. How does pride lead to the other vices? Are the vices included somehow in with the Ten Commandments or are they separate sins? – P.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: There are different levels to your question that need to be addressed.

First is the word “proud.” It can have various shades of meanings.

There can be a kind of healthy pride in our accomplishments and in our families. The important thing is that we learn to give thanks to God for these gifts and to recognize that ultimately Our Lord is the reason for all the good things in our lives.

There is the unhealthy kind of pride, too, the type that leads a person to want to do everything “his way.”

Now, in the spiritual life there are three root vices: pride, vanity and sensuality. The glossary of the Catechism defines vice as “A habit acquired by repeated sin in violation of the proper norms of human morality. The vices are often linked with the seven capital sins. Repentance for sin and confession may restore grace to a soul, but the removal of the ingrained disposition to sin or vice requires much effort and self-denial, until the contrary virtue is acquired.”

So a vice is a bad moral habit. And like all habits, it makes things easier for us to do – or, in this case, it makes it easier for us to fall into the same mistakes repeatedly. Vices are externalized in our sins. A vice is a tendency that greases the path toward sin.

Basically, pride is where we put ourselves before God. Vanity is where we put the opinions of others ahead of God. Sensuality is where we put things and bodily comforts ahead of God.

Among these three, pride is the mother of all vices, in that in any sin we decide to put something or someone ahead of God.

In this sense pride underlies the offenses against all the Commandments. Pride leads us to see and judge things through our own point of view.

The problem is that our point of view is often wrong, thanks to original sin. Original sin darkens our intellect, weakens our will, and distorts our passions.

With darkened intellects we can make all kinds of mistakes. Worst, we start to dig in our heels, believing that we are the best judge in everything. All this can basically shut God out of our lives. For a proud person is a stubborn person.

The remedy for pride is humility. The glossary of the Catechism defines humility as:

“The virtue by which a Christian acknowledges that God is the author of all good. Humility avoids inordinate ambition or pride, and provides the foundation for turning to God in prayer. Voluntary humility can be described as ‘poverty of spirit.'”

The idea here is that God is the creator of all good things. The only thing that we are capable of on our own is sin.

If we can recognize that all good things come from God, that keeps us from being proud. We realize that our accomplishments (including our children) are ultimately not our doing, but God’s. That realization keeps us from getting a bloated opinion of ourselves.

Two practical ways to grow in humility are: 1) foster an attitude of gratitude toward God in prayer each day, and 2) be quick to attribute “our” successes to the Lord.

So if someone is told, “You have a fine daughter,” the person’s answer ideally should be something like, “Thank you, yes, God has indeed blessed me with a wonderful daughter.”

A resource that might help you is at https://rcspiritual.wpenginepowered.com/video/the-color-of-humility/.

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“Ask a Priest: What Is Humility Like?”

Q: I’m finding it hard to know what humility is exactly. I know Jesus has humility. It’s not being a doormat. In a way, the devil tries to tell me everyone else knows what they are doing and I don’t. Are you able to help me distinguish between pride and humility? Is humility being God-confident rather than self-confident? I usually confess the sin of pride, but I’m vague about when I was proud, though I know I can be. – P.B.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Pride is the mother of all vices. We put ourselves first. We might think our opinions are better than others’. We get mad when people overlook us or slight us. We push for our “rights.”

In a word, we tend to follow what we want rather than what God wants.

And what does God want? Our Lord Jesus showed us. He wants us to help others, think of others’ needs. He wants us to bear our sufferings with patience and to unite them with his suffering on the cross.

In a word, humility is an antidote to pride. Humility means living in the truth.

And the truth is this: God created us. Everything good we have is a gift from God: our family, our faith, our health, our talents. None of this came from us. So we shouldn’t be boastful about what we have.

Moreover, everyone one else around us was created out of love by God, too. They are his sons and daughters. Christ died for all of them, too, out of love. We should aim to show that same love for everyone.

The more these truths sink in, the more we realize how much we owe to God.

Now, we want to be careful to avoid a false humility. For a person to say, “I’m no good, I’m worthless” is not humility, since it isn’t true. All of us have the image of God in us. All of us are redeemed by Jesus. All of us have value.

In light of our faults and weaknesses, true humility sounds like this: “I’m weak, I’m a sinner. But I have been redeemed by Christ, and with God’s grace I can improve.” This is real humility because it reflects the truth about who we are and what we can achieve with divine help.

As you mention, humility doesn’t mean we have to become doormats.

There are times when it’s admirable to suffer in silence. But it’s not healthy to let people walk over us habitually. It isn’t good for them, and it doesn’t help our state of mind. Fraternal charity can require that we speak up and call people to a greater show of respect.

Some ways to cultivate humility have been linked to a certain modern saint:

— Speak as little as possible about yourself.

— Keep busy with your own affairs and not those of others.

— Avoid curiosity about things that shouldn’t concern you.

— Do not interfere in the affairs of others.

— Accept annoyances with good humor.

— Don’t dwell on the faults of others.

— Accept censures even if unmerited.

— Accept contempt, being forgotten and disregarded.

— Be courteous and delicate even when provoked by someone.

— Don’t seek to be admired and loved.

— Always pick the harder task.

For more reading, see Humility of Heart.

I hope some of these humble suggestions help.

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“Ask a Priest: How Can I Be Noble and Generous in Spirit?”

Q: Can you help me understand the virtue of magnanimity? Is this a virtue we can actually work on? Kind regards. –C.S.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Magnanimity refers to a person’s ability to do great things without being concerned about praise or thanks. The key to this virtue is humility, to do great things (which could in practice be little acts of charity) without seeking yourself or your own aggrandizement.

In spiritual terms, it means to do everything simply for the love and glory of God and for others.

There are probably various ways to approach the practice of this. Here are a few quick suggestions.

First, treat everyone as you would Christ himself. This includes the neighbor who annoys you, the co-worker who tests your patience, the relative who seems like a thorn in the side. By treating everyone well, you purify your motives. You do it not for what it will bring you, but because it is the kind of charity that Christ invites us to practice.

Second, learn to give all your successes back to God. Thank him for the good things that happen to you. And when you get a compliment, treat it like a hot potato. Give God the glory (“It was the Holy Spirit who made that a success …”), or pass on the compliment to others (“Miss Smith was really the driving force behind the project”). Do all that, and little by little you live more in God’s presence and do things solely for him. (For more reading see Donald DeMarco’s article.)

Third, don’t shy away from a “great” idea that might come to mind, such as pursuing a priestly or consecrated vocation or starting a new apostolate. That great idea could be an inspiration from the Holy Spirit.

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“Ask a Priest: What Does “Giving It to God” Mean?”

 
Q: I was born/raised Catholic. I left the Church for a long time and went to other churches for a while. I came back to the Catholic Church because I signed my daughters up with the Catholic school in the area, and it was required to go to church or pay extra money. That being said, I have learned more about the religion and have questions. What exactly is “giving it to God”? And how do I do this? Is it basically like jumping off a cliff without checking to see if there is water below or just a pile of rocks? -K.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is good to hear that you have resumed your practice of the faith. It is good, too, to hear that you have questions. The Catholic faith is deep, and God gives us an intellect in order to understand it more profoundly.

“Giving it to God,” if I understand the context correctly, means leaving in his hands those problems that seem insurmountable in the moment. These could be big things, such as the illness of a loved one, as well as little things, such as a rude cashier who annoys us.

Part of the thinking behind this idea is this: God in his wisdom allows certain crosses in our life, not to irritate us, but to help us grow in humility and patience. If life were easy, we wouldn’t progress and our virtues probably wouldn’t grow.

There might be times when we pray to have a difficulty taken away, but God in his wisdom might decide the better thing is for us to struggle with a challenge.

St. Paul had such an experience. “A thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan, to beat me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me, but he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness'” (2 Corinthians 12:7-9).

“Giving it to God” doesn’t mean, however, being presumptuous and thinking that he is going to swoop down and save us from our bad decisions. If we jump off a cliff without first seeing what is below, we are recklessly endangering our lives — a grave sin that we will answer for.

Another way of interpreting the phrase is the notion of “offering it up,” of tendering our suffering back to God in reparation for our sins and the sins of others. For more material on this point, see the third part (the Conference) of the online Retreat Guide “A Mother’s Tears”.

On the theme of trusting in divine providence, two Retreat Guides might be helpful for you. One is called “Trouble with Trust” and one is called “Trouble Hearts”.

For weighty reading see “Providence: God’s Loving Care for Man and the Need for Confidence in Almighty God,” by Father Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange, O.P.

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“Ask a Priest: How Can a Priest Like Me If He Knows My Sins?”

Q: I go to confession regularly to the same priest. I find it very humiliating. I know it is prideful, but I want the priest to like me, and how on earth could he when he knows all the sinful things I do? I have heard/read that priests don’t think ill of people who come to them for confession. Can you give me any type of certainty that the same could be the case with the priest I see for confession? What is it like for you to hear all the things people do; and then see that person involved in parish ministry or, say, at Bible study? I am not looking to change priest confessors; he is very good and helpful. But I am wondering if there is ever a point when confession stops being humiliating, or if that is just part of the nature of the sacrament that I need to get used to? -M.W.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It might sound odd, but priests sometimes feel closer to penitents and care for them more deeply, precisely because they have had the chance to impart God’s mercy to those souls.

That someone approaches a priest for confession is indeed a humbling experience – for the priest! Priests are sinners too. They know what other people go through. To be a witness to the inner sorrow of a sinner who seeks God’s mercy can be a very uplifting experience for a priest.

So don’t worry about the priest to whom you confess. He is there to help you. He is a father who wants to help you on your path to eternity. If he is “very good and helpful,” count yourself blessed to have such a confessor.

As for your own humiliation: If it helps you realize your own weaknesses and how much you need God, then that is OK. That is a step toward holiness.

Whatever you do, keep taking advantage of the sacrament. It is one of the Church’s greatest treasures. And it can help you become a saint.

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“Ask a Priest: How Can I Take Baby Steps in Overcoming My Sins?”

Q: I started praying both the rosary and the Divine Mercy chaplet. I have come to see how self-absorbed and sinful I am and can be. I feel regret for things I have said and done, but it is too late for me to take them back. What should I do? How can I take baby steps in eliminating my sins? How can I remain humble when being corrected? I hate that my vices and faults are transparent. I struggle with accepting that God holds us Christians to a higher standard. When I hear that, I want to run away. It seems unfair that people outside the Church are free to live as they please without judgment. My question might reveal some of my biblical ignorance. -D.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: The fact that you sense your sinfulness more clearly is a sign that you are probably advancing in the spiritual life. You are seeing yourself as you really are, through the eyes of Christ.

But that is why this is a moment for hope, not despair. Christ is here to raise us up.

As for being held to a higher standard, you should be grateful for the gift of baptism. Jesus says, “Much will be required of the person entrusted with much, and still more will be demanded of the person entrusted with more” (Luke 12:48). And if you want help reflecting on how to apply that to your own life, in an eminently positive way, you may want to watch this short video, the Conference from the Retreat Guide called Starlight.

Your faith is a gift from God, and you need to see it as such. People “outside the church” are not really free to live as they wish; they too have consciences, and they will have to follow them in order to have a chance at salvation.

Moving ahead in the spiritual life involves a lot of work and effort. God’s grace will be there to sustain you. Don’t lose hope if you still have falls. A big part of humility is recognizing how much we need God’s help and not being afraid to face it when we fail to take advantage of his grace.

Part of his help might come in the form of people around us who correct us from time to time. In moments like these, an act of humility would be to stop and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance, and then calmly evaluate the correction that is offered. Could it be that you have a blind spot somewhere? Could it be that you need to rethink an opinion you have long cherished? Could it be that Our Lord is trying to nudge you to change something in your life?

To grow in the spiritual life, you will find it helpful to have a plan. It is possible to work systematically on the things we need to change in ourselves.

One ingredient is having a program of life. It is a kind of business plan for the spiritual life. We examine ourselves, focus on the key vice we need to get rid of, and then come up with a plan to counter this vice (usually by working on the opposite virtue).

For more reading on programs of life, click here.

At any rate, you will want to intensify your prayer life and sacramental life. Make time for Bible reading or spiritual reading (here is a great book to start with, since it explains how to grow in our love for God, step by step: Seeking First the Kingdom). Consider attending daily Mass occasionally. It might be helpful to have a regular confessor or spiritual director.

There is a way to overcome vice, with the grace of God. The key is to commit yourself to this path of holiness that God calls you to. I pray that you do just that.

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!