Hope

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“Ask a Priest: What If I’m Scared That the End Is Coming?”

Q: With all that is going on in the world today, I hear more from those around me that the Book of Revelation is open and the end times are here. I know that we need to be ready at all times for the arrival of Christ, but this also is very depressing. I feel like I haven’t reached the level I need to be saved and now there isn’t enough time. I’m even having a hard time making decisions for the future because it would appear that it doesn’t matter. Should I be preparing by not sending my children to college and sort of retreating from society to a safe haven? I am an avid Mass attender and a father of six children and still I am scared of the end. Is it a sin to be scared of Christ’s arrival? It is getting harder and harder to answer these questions from my children and I don’t know where to turn. – M.D.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It sounds as though you need a dose of hope.

Perhaps the pandemic has taken its toll and worn you down. The world isn’t a paradise, but we Christians should be people of hope and trust in God’s providence.

No one knows when the end is coming, and there is no obvious reason to think it will arrive soon.

The COVID pandemic shouldn’t be read as an end-times indicator. Difficult as it has been, it pales in comparison with the Black Death of the 14th century, when a third to half of the population of Europe perished.

Big calamities can trigger talk of the end times. Such talk shouldn’t paralyze you. It will only cause needless anxiety and distract you from the good that you can do each day.

So, that would be the first piece of advice: Let God worry about the end times, and turn your attention to the things that will give him glory and help others, including prayer and a rich sacramental life and acts of charity.

As Christians we are called to evangelize those around us. It’s prudent to keep a healthy distance from the world, but to try to withdraw totally from it is unrealistic and counterproductive.

Part of our mission as Christians is to bring the Gospel message to the public square. If we don’t do that, others will fill the vacuum, possibly with unsavory substitutes.

So, the better strategy is to prepare your children to push back in the world. Prepare them for a battle, not a bunker.

A separate issue is whether they should go to college and, if so, which college. Given the expense and the academic and moral decay on many campuses, one might want to consider options. Learning a trade such as plumbing or electrical work might make more sense for young people looking for a way to support a family.

You mention that you are an avid Mass attender, which makes it puzzling that you are so scared of the end. And having six children, while no small responsibility, should ideally give you evidence of hope, for they will be the ones helping to shape the future.

A life of prayer and the sacraments should help give us the confidence to meet Our Lord.

Could it be that you are exposing yourself to too much bad news and doom-and-gloom YouTube videos? If so, it might be good to leave them on the side and focus more on prayer. A helpful read could be Benedict XVI’s encyclical on hope, Spe Salvi.

It might be good to speak with someone in case you think depression might be a problem. A bit of counseling might be helpful. Count on my prayers.

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“Ask a Priest: What If I Don’t Feel Good Enough to Be in the Church?”

Q: While I need to go to confession, I’m afraid to open up to the priest. I can’t imagine what he will think of me. I struggle with whether or not I want to be a practicing Catholic because I’ve never felt “good enough” to be in the Church. I desire holiness, but for some reason it does not feel attainable for me. I know this must sound horrible, but several times in the last few years I have committed mortal sin not because it was really anything I wanted to do, but more so as a way to see myself out of the Church because I felt, at least in the moment, it would leave me with no choice but to leave. Yet, I can never force myself to leave. Is this something I should take to confession? I feel like such a disgusting person. I am so ashamed that I hurt Jesus by acting this way. – M.B.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: If you feel the weight of your sins and think that you could never be holy on your own, you are right.

The fact is, none of us can attain holiness on our own. We all need the grace of God. Without it, we’d be lost.

But that is precisely why we have reason to hope: Christ won redemption for us. He calls us to holiness. “So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48).

And if Jesus calls us to holiness, that means he will give us the grace to achieve that goal.

This might sound like a fantasy, but it isn’t. You can become a saint if you left Our Lord transform you.

You are very down on yourself, which isn’t healthy or helpful. I won’t try to guess where this self-loathing comes from. I do know, however, where it doesn’t come from – it’s not from Jesus.

Beloved daughter of God though you are, somewhere along the line you have learned to see yourself in the worst light. That’s not part of Our Lord’s plan for your life.

You need to shake this toxic self-image. It sounds as though the devil is tempting you to get discouraged about your past sins. It’s one of his best tricks. And he loves to keep people away from the confessional. Don’t fall for his tricks! Have confidence in God’s mercy.

Perhaps you are also grappling with deep-seated problems that require a bit of professional counseling. We are complex beings, and sometimes we need psychological as well as spiritual help. Counseling might help you deal with certain issues that need to be resolved.

As for spiritual help, you want to take advantage of the sacrament of confession.

Don’t worry what the priest will think of you. He will probably admire you for your sincerity and spirit of repentance. He might also be able to guide you to counseling if you need something beyond the absolution of sins.

Watching this Retreat Guide on the sacrament of confession could be a big help: From Sorrow to Joy. Also useful might be this one: A Cure for Discouragement.

Do yourself a favor and get to confession as soon as possible. And stay close to Our Lord in prayer. He will help you understand how much you mean to him.

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“Ask a Priest: Should We Shame a Woman Who’s Had Abortions?”

Q: Should Catholics shame a women for having abortions early in her life and is now scared and ashamed and remorseful? I have had a friend who confided in me about two abortions she had years ago. She only told me and explained to me why she is always so down and distant from people but felt she could trust me. Because of my upbringing in very strict, judgmental Catholic family I feel I should distance myself from her. But my own version of God is to not abandon people in need. I care deeply for this person. She even hopes one day we can be in a relationship, but my mind will never let me go there, and I think it’s more because of worry about how my family will feel. I feel it’s not a Christian way to treat people by not forgiving and showing compassion. But maybe I’m wrong as a devout Catholic myself — maybe I need to cut this person from my life? Looking for some guidance. – T.G.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s not the role of Catholics to shame a woman in this situation but rather to encourage her on a path of healing.

Many women suffer deep psychological wounds because of their abortions. Those who think they cannot obtain God’s mercy can end up in a psychological and emotional tailspin.

This woman needs healing both at the spiritual and the psychological levels.

That she has been so secretive about her past indicates that she has a lot of regret for what happened. She recognizes that the abortions were wrong. If she has confided her past to you, that means she trusts you and might be open to any advice you could offer.

This would be the moment to encourage her to go to confession and to seek out counseling, such as what could be offered at a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat.

Pope St. John Paul II’s encyclical Evangelium Vitae articulates a pastoral approach toward post-abortive women:

“I would now like to say a special word to women who have had an abortion. The Church is aware of the many factors which may have influenced your decision, and she does not doubt that in many cases it was a painful and even shattering decision. The wound in your heart may not yet have healed. Certainly what happened was and remains terribly wrong. But do not give in to discouragement and do not lose hope. Try rather to understand what happened and face it honestly. If you have not already done so, give yourselves over with humility and trust to repentance. The Father of mercies is ready to give you his forgiveness and his peace in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. To the same Father and his mercy you can with sure hope entrust your child. With the friendly and expert help and advice of other people, and as a result of your own painful experience, you can be among the most eloquent defenders of everyone’s right to life. Through your commitment to life, whether by accepting the birth of other children or by welcoming and caring for those most in need of someone to be close to them, you will become promoters of a new way of looking at human life” (No. 99).

You might be the instrument through which your friend will learn of God’s mercy and find a source of hope.

Catholics more than anyone are called to be witnesses of God’s mercy. We ourselves encounter that mercy every time we take advantage of the sacrament of confession. It is an imminently Christian thing to reach out to a fallen soul and help her to reconcile with God.

It’s one thing to hate sin; it’s quite another to be judgmental and to write off sinners. “Stop judging, that you may not be judged” (Matthew 7:1).

Jesus died for all of us. We all need his redemption. It would give him great joy if your friend could turn to him for mercy. He wants to bring healing to her heart.

And with God’s grace she might someday be reunited with her babies.

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“Ask a Priest: What If My Sons Have Drifted From the Faith?”

Q: I have three sons who are young men living their life away from their faith. To some extent, away from their family as well. The oldest is 27, living with his girlfriend since two years ago. The second, gay, is living with a partner since a year ago. The youngest, 20, living at home, is in frontal battle with family life and a young man’s independence. I really, really struggle between loving my sons by expressing that love in deeds and accepting their voices and who they are becoming. I confess to be afraid of the day when I cannot be part of their lives, except in spirit. In the meantime, there are life issues that I have doubts with: When they visit, do I offend God by allowing them to stay as couples at our home? How can I humanly avoid my details of affection to their partners or partners, without falling into “acceptance/approval”? I greatly appreciate your advice. – A.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: My heart goes out to you. It must be heartbreaking to see your sons, at least two of them, living apart from the ways of Our Lord. A few ideas might help.

First, people are on a spiritual journey. They might drift from the faith for a while; some find their way back with the grace of God.

This means that you want to keep a horizon of hope in view. Try to see where your sons might be in three or five years if you pray for them and sacrifice for them day by day. You are still their mom, and they still need you, whether they know it or not.

A corollary is to cultivate your motherly heart. Remember that it’s the devil who is usually tempting people to stray. The devil is the culprit here.

As a mom, you know the value of tough love. There are times when you need to say no to your children, even if they are adults.

You already seem to sense that it wouldn’t be appropriate for them to spend the night with their partners in the same bedroom under your roof. To allow this would amount to direct material cooperation in evil and possibly formal cooperation.

Here, you might want to make clear even before they visit that they wouldn’t be allowed to sleep together in your house. It’s better to say that now, rather than breaking the news at dessert time when they come for dinner.

As for the 20-year-old living at home, it is understandable that he wants to exert his independence. This is healthy to a degree. Here you might consider giving him as much as leeway as possible, while insisting that he shows respect to you and that he observes the moral norms you set for your home.

The thing that will help him mature is for him to pull his weight and to feel the consequences of his decisions. So it might not be out of line to ask him to make contributions to the household, for instance, by doing housework.

Young men need space to mature. They also need to feel those consequences of their decisions.

As for your sons and their partners: it doesn’t hurt to be charitable, even though their respective relationships are very different.

You might find it helpful to see our Retreat Guide A Mother’s Tears: A Retreat Guide on Our Lady of Sorrows.

In the short term, there might not be any easy answers. But keep up those prayers. And stay close to the Blessed Virgin Mary.

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“Ask a Priest: Could We Hope That Fallen-Away Catholics Will Be Saved?”

Q: I live in Australia where many people whether young or old are cohabiting. There is no thought of God whatsoever. My sister-in-law who was formerly Catholic and now totally into New Age is also cohabiting. Another sister-in-law (formerly Catholic) converted to Islam to marry a Muslim man, and any discussion of Catholicism or Islam is not taken well. She would accuse us of blasphemy. I always listen to Catholic Answers on YouTube, and one of the topics discussed is about the state of one’s soul and eternal damnation. So according to Church teaching, a person is in danger of losing his/her soul only if they are aware of the teachings of the Church and the word of God and still choose to reject it. They also mentioned that maybe they know Church teaching and don’t believe it, and so they won’t be damned. So in light of this argument, is it safe to believe that in the above situations we can hope they all will be saved? – G.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: The short answer is that we can hope that everyone will be saved. Whether it is “safe to believe” this is another matter.

God alone knows the hearts and minds of the people you mention here. None of us can judge them. And none of us is called to judge them.

That assertion has a double edge, however. There is no guarantee that any of them will be saved.

Faith is a gift, and some people lose it through negligence and plain bad behavior. They will be held accountable for that.

In other cases, a genuine lack of true understanding of the faith, or perhaps the scandalous behavior of so many Catholics, might cause people to drift away without their being fully blameworthy. This could lead them to be judged much more leniently at the moment of their death. (The Catechism’s section on moral conscience, starting at No. 1776, is helpful reading.)

Still, the hope that all might be saved doesn’t let any of us off the hook. We are called to safeguard and strengthen our faith, through prayer, the sacraments, almsgiving, fasting, works of charity, etc. We need to shun any thought of presumption, too; indeed, we are urged to work out our salvation “with fear and trembling” (Philippians 2:12).

Moreover, Catholics are obliged by their baptism to participate in the work of evangelization.

Evangelization doesn’t mean we do a hard sell of the faith. Rather, it means that, motivated by love, we want to share our experience of Christ with others. We want to witness to our beliefs and to the beauty of the Catholic Church and its treasury of sacraments and teachings and liturgy. We believe profoundly that Christ gave us these resources to help us attain salvation.

Perhaps you might want to keep some of these folks on your prayer list. And keep open a dialogue if possible. Sooner or later they might find the path they are on isn’t very satisfying. That might be the moment for God’s grace to bring them back to the embrace of the Church.

You also might find it useful, for yourself, to watch the retreat guide called “The Complete Christian.”

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“Ask a Priest: Is There Cause for Hope?”

Q: Can you tell me what else I can do besides praying night and day for peace and empathy in our world? It is hard not to enjoy the beautiful gifts God has given to me, without realizing everywhere I turn that there is endless suffering and hatred. Sometimes I wonder what heaven will be like, because only there will I know that suffering doesn’t exist. Please tell me whatever ways you think can help me cope. I enjoy volunteering when I can. I donate to the animal shelters when my finances permit, and I have a wonderful job as a nurse assistant helping the elderly at a nursing home. And I know that statement sounds as though I’m getting on a soapbox or something, but I just want to illustrate that I am trying to help others. And it does make me feel better. But at the end of the day I still have an awful depression hanging over me, knowing that there are people who are dealing with far worse things than I am. – B.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: You are feeling what a lot of people are feeling nowadays — a sense that the world is a hopelessly nasty place that we can’t do much to change.

The world has a nasty place, thanks to original sin and its fallout. Genesis gives us a taste of this: Soon after the fall of Adam and Eve comes the infamous story of Cain and Abel.

Perhaps a few ideas are worth mentioning here.

First, God hasn’t given up on the world. In fact, he sent his own Son to suffer and die on a cross for our redemption. If Jesus hadn’t come into the world, the world would be a much nastier place. And he didn’t wait for the world to improve — he jumped in and offered a new message.

That message has transformed the lives of hundreds of millions of people. One result is that there is a lot of good around us that we can see.

Second, Jesus is God, and even he didn’t convert the world. We shouldn’t hope to do it, either. But we aren’t asked to change the world. We are asked to help change that little part of the world that God assigns to us.

That part of the world might be the nursing home where you work, or your family, or the block on which you live, or your parish. Use your energy to help the people around you, and you will have a sense of improving at least some lives.

Beyond the work, it would be good to cultivate your prayer life and sacramental life. That is one of the best ways to nourish a sense of hope. Do this, and you will better help the world, for your growth in holiness gives glory to God and lets him work through you more effectively.

At the end of the day it’s God who is in charge. He has his reasons for allowing evil to thrive here and there. Our Lord can bring good out of evil. His timing might be mysterious, and his ways might be mysterious, but that is to be expected. God works at a much higher level than we do.

It’s good to remember that Christianity isn’t about cursing the darkness. It’s about lighting a candle and dispelling the darkness little by little. In God’s time, not ours.

For more reading you might look at Peter Kreeft’s Making Sense Out of Suffering and Heaven, the Heart’s Deepest Longing.

To further fuel your prayer life, you might consider listening to one or more of our Retreat Guides. I hope some of this helps.

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“Ask a Priest: How Can I Trust When I Am Waiting to Be Engaged?”

Q: I have a boyfriend, and it is very serious even though we are not engaged yet. I am so worried that my boyfriend will go and that we will never be wed. He tells me to trust in the Lord, but practically I do not know how. I just want some kind of firm thing to say that things are moving. Please, I’m at the end of my strength. Help! – V.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Without knowing more about your situation, I can offer only general advice.

You say the relationship is very serious and that you are “not engaged yet,” but that you fear your friend will leave. This makes one wonder whether the relationship is serious from your boyfriend’s point of view?

It might be good to sit down and speak with him about how he sees the relationship and where it is going.

If he doesn’t want to commit, then you have to decide whether to wait for a possible commitment or to move on.

Perhaps you might consider a time frame. For example, if nothing happens within six months or a year, it might be time to rethink whether an engagement is a possibility or just a mirage.

This might not be easy to face. There can be a tendency to think this is the last person you will ever love, and that life will lose its meaning if he leaves.

If that is the case, it is good to put things in perspective. The only man who has always loved you and who will never leave you is Christ. In fact, Christ is at the center of all healthy relationships.

So it might be good to intensify your prayer life and sacramental life. Stay close to Our Lord, in other words.

This will: 1) remind you that you are deeply loved by Christ, and 2) improve your chances of making good decisions in regard to your boyfriend. On this note, you might want to take a look at our Retreat Guide called “Who You Are: A Retreat Guide on the Sacrament of Baptism.”

Be careful not to project too many unfounded hopes into this relationship. Learn to look for evidence that your boyfriend is really becoming committed to you and that the relationship is maturing.

You don’t want to fantasize about things that aren’t there. If months from now your friend doesn’t seem to move closer to popping the question, then you might ask yourself whether he is the right person for you.

To help get perspective on your situation, it would be good to find a regular confessor or spiritual director who can guide you.

If you think your friend needs time and space to decide, then you might suggest that he attend a spiritual retreat. A few days of silence and prayer might help nudge him toward a definitive decision about the relationship.

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“Ask a Priest: What If My Grieving Brother Lost His Faith in Jesus?”

Q: I have a brother who lost his wife due to cancer. She was young and a very strong Christian. She did not want to be put on drugs to save her, for she was in the last stages. She prayed very hard for God to “take the devil out of her.” I believe he did just that when he took her to heaven. My brother, though, does not believe in Jesus Christ any longer. His wife was such a devout Christian, and he thinks Jesus did not hear her pleas. How can I make my brother believe that Christ is truly here with us and hearing our prayers? He believes now that once you’re gone, that’s it. Thanks for any help you can give me. – K.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Please accept my condolences on the passing of your sister-in-law. The presence of death and evil is one of the great mysteries of this world. How do we reconcile this with the existence of an all-powerful, all-loving God?

There is no simple answer. This question has puzzled mankind for millennia. The Book of Job confronted this question, though its answers still leave many people guessing.

Perhaps the best answer is Christ himself. No one was more innocent than he, yet he suffered and died a terrible death for our redemption. Moreover, it was God the Father who sent his Son to die for us. That is a remarkable sign of his love for all of us.

As for pain and evil in the world, it seems that God allows them in order to bring about something good.

Why did the family see your sister-in-law as a devout Christian? Probably because of her faith  and charity and humility. And why did she stand out for these virtues? Probably because they are relatively hard to find nowadays.

In other words, her goodness stood out, and was appreciated by those around her, precisely because she was a contrast to the widespread evil in the world. This is one paradoxical way that God brings good out of bad — we can see the beauty of a devout Christian more clearly against a dark background.

Perhaps, too, your sister-in-law offered up her suffering for the salvation of souls. Maybe her example inspired others and led others to a deeper conversion. We won’t be sure about this until the last judgment. But we can have faith that God was able to bring something good out of her suffering.

For now, it is understandable that your brother is grieving. And if his faith is a bit weak, it is understandable that he is seeing things in the worst light.

At an opportune moment it might be good to remind your brother that he can have the hope of being reunited with his wife someday. But he will have to try to stay close to Jesus as she did. How else could her holiness be explained, but by her closeness to Our Lord?

Also, when the time is right, you might want to help your brother remember all the good that he received through the gift of his wife in his life. We are all going to die. Death is a guarantee for each of us.

That his wife died sooner than he would have preferred doesn’t negate the beauty and the goodness of his relationship with her during the years that she was still here. It’s all a matter of what we choose to focus our attention on.

And who is to say that God, instead of giving her a cure for cancer, didn’t give her something better: entrance to paradise?

From what you describe, it sounds as though your sister-in-law was deeply touched by her relationship with Jesus, and that bond strengthened her till the end of her life. We can easily imagine that she now prays that the husband she left behind will discover the value of that same kind of relationship.

For more reading you might look at Making Sense Out of Suffering, by Peter Kreeft.

Count on my prayers for you and your family.

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“Ask a Priest: What If Fears of Violence Keep Me From Going to Mass?”

Q: As I live in the U.S. I know that the likelihood of something terrorist or violent in nature taking place during Mass is minimal. But I still can’t help feeling vulnerable at Mass. I don’t live in a community that is unsafe either. I am a devout Catholic and attend Mass every Sunday, however, if I feel the slightest feelings of hesitation or worry come over me prior to Mass I just scare myself out of going. I pray daily to try to help me get rid of these feelings. Any help and guidance is greatly appreciated. -M.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is understandable that you experience fears, given all the tragic news of recent months.

Still, as a devout Catholic you have every reason to cultivate a sense of hope and trust in God’s providence.

Sure, we live in a world marred by terrorism. But there has always been violence in the world. As Christians we ideally should be encouraged by the words of Jesus, “I have conquered the world” (John 16:33). Christians have suffered persecution and martyrdom throughout the history of the Church, and God has shown that he will give us whatever strength we need to face the difficulties that come our way. When we feel fearful, we can renew our faith in God’s goodness and wisdom.

At a practical level, the chance of you or I being attacked in Mass is probably much smaller than the chance of our being in a car accident, or having an accident around the house.

Perhaps part of the solution here is to limit your exposure to the news media.

Let’s face it, the news can be depressing. And Jesus doesn’t want us to go through life depressed.

We are supposed to be apostles of hope to the world around us. This isn’t to say that we cut ourselves off totally from the world; as citizens we should try to keep informed about what is happening around us. But don’t let the media dominate your worldview. Media specializes in bad news, not good news. So perhaps you want to limit yourself to 10 or 15 minutes of news during the day, be it by radio, TV, or print media. And then focus on more positive things the rest of the day: prayer and good works, for instance.

Another consideration is your daily social life. Do you have a network of family and friends to support you? Are you involved in any kind of volunteer work that will help you channel your energies?

Dedication to those in need is a good way to keep our own lives in perspective. It helps us appreciate all the positive things God has given us, and it reminds us that we can make a contribution to others. All this can help get our minds off the relentless bad news out there.

Another factor, of course, is that you don’t want anything to come between you and the Mass. Jesus is waiting for you.

Perhaps an online retreat about trust could help you. I hope some of this helps.

“Ask a Priest: What If Fears of Violence Keep Me From Going to Mass?” Read More »

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The Regnum Christi Mission

The Regnum Christi Identity

Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!