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“Ask a Priest: What Can I Say to a Grieving Widow With No Faith?”

July 26, 2022 / Ask a Priest

Q: When my brother-in-law died, it was sudden but not unexpected as he was in poor health. My sister called me as I’m her closest relative, just a few blocks away. She was and is devastated. She has been agnostic for most of her life. They were married in the Catholic Church, though he wasn’t Catholic. I’m at a loss on how to console her since she has no faith. Of course, I’m praying for them behind the scenes. Anyway, what happens to him? I’ve read somewhere that at moment of death God will give you the opportunity to finally say yes to him. I’m praying that this is true. Any words of wisdom? Thank you. – G.W.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: I’m sorry to hear about the death of your brother-in-law.

We can’t really guess the state of someone’s soul, including those who didn’t seem to have faith. God alone knows the heart and mind of each person.

Perhaps your brother-in-law was secretly searching for truth and trying to live the best way he knew how. God takes all of that into account and is as merciful as he can be at the particular judgment.

And at the moment of death the Almighty could give a person a special grace to say yes to him. We can always hope.

In the meantime, it would be good to pray for your sister and brother-in-law, and to let your sister know that you are praying for the both of them.

This sudden death might be an occasion for your sister to reconsider some of her own beliefs, or lack of them. At this moment she might even be more open to hearing about our hope in eternal life.

You might try mentioning to her and that the love she had for her husband is a taste of the love that God has for each of us.

Indeed, the love that couples have for each other can give them a sense of something higher than themselves that unites them. This, too, is a taste of the Almighty, for “God is love” (1 John 4:8).

You might try explaining at an opportune moment why you are praying for her husband. Our prayers for the dead are our sign of faith in a heaven, and they express our hope for the resurrection of all the deceased someday.

Above all, it would be good to just reassure your sister of your love for her. If helpful, you might pass on books that speak about the faith and/or the afterlife. Two suggestions would be Heaven, the Heart’s Deepest Longing and Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Heaven.

I hope some of this helps.

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“Ask a Priest: Could I Practice Witchcraft and Still Get to Heaven?”

April 26, 2022 / Ask a Priest

Q: I want to start practicing a form of witchcraft for self-healing but am scared that this would be considered paganism. Can I practice witchcraft and still believe in God and go to heaven? – B.A.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: To practice witchcraft is, by definition, a repudiation of God and his providence, even if you still believe in the Almighty.

You would certainly put your soul at risk of eternal loss by getting involved in witchcraft.

You would deliberately be inviting satanic powers into your life.

The devil would love that, since he is out to destroy you.

A few numbers from the Catechism are worth quoting:

Divination and magic

2115 God can reveal the future to his prophets or to other saints. Still, a sound Christian attitude consists in putting oneself confidently into the hands of Providence for whatever concerns the future, and giving up all unhealthy curiosity about it. Improvidence, however, can constitute a lack of responsibility.

2116 All forms of divination are to be rejected: recourse to Satan or demons, conjuring up the dead or other practices falsely supposed to “unveil” the future. Consulting horoscopes, astrology, palm reading, interpretation of omens and lots, the phenomena of clairvoyance, and recourse to mediums all conceal a desire for power over time, history, and, in the last analysis, other human beings, as well as a wish to conciliate hidden powers. They contradict the honor, respect, and loving fear that we owe to God alone.

2117 All practices of magic or sorcery, by which one attempts to tame occult powers, so as to place them at one’s service and have a supernatural power over others — even if this were for the sake of restoring their health — are gravely contrary to the virtue of religion. These practices are even more to be condemned when accompanied by the intention of harming someone, or when they have recourse to the intervention of demons. Wearing charms is also reprehensible. Spiritism often implies divination or magical practices; the Church for her part warns the faithful against it. Recourse to so-called traditional cures does not justify either the invocation of evil powers or the exploitation of another’s credulity. [end quoted material]

If you need healing, it is better to turn to Our Lord. You might need medical help, too; that is OK.

In any case, you don’t want to turn to the evil one. The price for his help can be eternal agony.

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“Ask a Priest: Could I Hold Grudges in Heaven?”

November 5, 2021 / Ask a Priest

Q: I tend to be a bit of a grudge holder, and there are lots of people in this world that I really can’t stand to be around. I feel like this feeling is here to stay no matter what I do, so I am wondering if I were to die and go to heaven, would it still be a crime to want to avoid them completely even when I’m there if they were to somehow make it up there too? – D.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Holding grudges against people can be a serious sin against charity. It shows a manifest refusal to forgive others.

As such, it is the kind of offense that could keep a soul from reaching heaven.

It might be worth pondering that reality.

Jesus is willing to forgive us our many sins. In turn, he asks us to forgive others. He warns, “If you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions” (Matthew 6:15).

Notice that this is not a mere suggestion from Our Lord.

So much did Jesus drive home the point that he included that petition in the Our Father, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

A few clarifications might make things easier in the way of love and forgiveness.

First, Jesus tells us to love one another. But he doesn’t insist that we have to like one another.

Loving someone means that we wish the best for the person and that we hope he reaches heaven someday.

Liking someone means that we find a person naturally agreeable. Our personalities match. We get along easily. While that is OK as far as it goes, it doesn’t go deep enough.

We might like the guy at work who’s always joking and always buying coffee and doughnuts for the office. But we might not care that he’s on his fourth marriage or that he’s a borderline alcoholic. We might like him, but we don’t love him in the Christian sense that we are really concerned about his soul.

Then there is the act of forgiveness itself. Forgiveness is an act of the will, not the feelings. We can make an act of forgiveness even if our feelings for someone are still bruised.

The key thing is that we want to forgive. We can’t control our feelings so easily, however. Feelings tend to drag up the rear. So don’t worry if, after forgiving someone, you still feel the wounds that he inflicted on you. Feelings take a while to dissipate.

If you want to go deeper into this topic sometime, the book Forgiveness: A Catholic Approach might be helpful.

Again, this is the kind of thing to ponder in the light of eternity.

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“Ask a Priest: Why Be Afraid of Death?”

May 4, 2021 / Ask a Priest

Q: If our goal is heaven, why are we so afraid of death? I was raised in a good Catholic family. My older sister just had her firstborn son last year. It was a premature birth, but my first nephew was really active and healthy. However, God decided to take him back six days later, when my little nephew died from a blood infection. I still remember my sister and parents crying. I have never cried so much in my life. I always think that my nephew is now living a very happy life in heaven, lying close to Jesus. And he probably met my cousin who died a week later due to COVID-19. I do not know what heaven looks like, but that is what I choose to believe. Why are we so afraid of death if we believe there is heaven waiting? Why does God put us in this world and make us experience death in order to enter his everlasting Kingdom? – R.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Please accept my condolences for your family on the death of the baby and the cousin. It must have been especially heartbreaking to lose the little one.

As for your questions, it might be good to unpack them a bit.

First, death is not natural. It wasn’t part of God’s original plan for the world. Death and suffering entered because of the sin of our first parents.

We are body and soul together, and we instinctively chafe at the idea of death. Even Jesus sweated blood in the Gethsemane, thinking of his impending death. So, it’s normal that we should fear death. In and of itself death isn’t appealing. It’s a kind of defeat of our bodily dimension.

Now, it is useful to distinguish between the fear of death and the fear of dying.

In a moment of calm, we can intellectually and morally accept that death is simply a door that can lead to the afterlife. Our faith teaches us as much.

It’s a different case, however, when a loved one actually dies. That can hit us hard, and understandably so. We feel a deep loss. Even Jesus wept at the death of Lazarus (John 11:35). So, it’s not incongruous that your “good Catholic family” would weep at the death of the little one, even as they had the hope he was with Our Lord.

Or take the case of our own declining health, with its struggles and agonies — the process of dying can be frightening.

This is one reason why the sacrament of the anointing of the sick can be so helpful. The Catechism in No. 1520 says, “The first grace of this sacrament is one of strengthening, peace and courage to overcome the difficulties that go with the condition of serious illness or the frailty of old age.”

A separate issue is heaven. As Christians we can have the hope of heaven, and this is why we can still be optimistic even as we fear death itself.

Our hope in heaven, however, should be balanced. We should be careful not to presume that all of us will get to heaven automatically.

We can be sure that a baptized baby is in heaven. But we who reach the age of reason need to cooperate with God’s grace through our prayers and reception of the sacraments and our almsgiving, etc.

If we try to lead a good life and stay humble, we can have a reasonable certainty that we are on the right path. But again, we want to avoid presumption.

On the other hand, someone who isn’t leading a good life might by motivated by the fear of death to repent and make peace with God.

Returning to the first point above, it’s good to remember that death was not part of God’s original plan. Sin mysteriously brought death into the world.

Nevertheless, God allowed this to happen since he is able to bring something good out of it.

What could that “good” be?

Pope Benedict XVI in his encyclical Spe Salvi quoted from Saint Ambrose in the funeral discourse for his deceased brother Satyrus:

“‘Death was not part of nature; it became part of nature. God did not decree death from the beginning; he prescribed it as a remedy. Human life, because of sin … began to experience the burden of wretchedness in unremitting labor and unbearable sorrow. There had to be a limit to its evils; death had to restore what life had forfeited. Without the assistance of grace, immortality is more of a burden than a blessing.’ A little earlier, Ambrose had said: ‘Death is, then, no cause for mourning, for it is the cause of mankind’s salvation’” (No. 10).

Death can also teach us to appreciate the gift of life more, and prompt us to use our time in this world wisely and well.

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“Ask a Priest: Will Michael Jackson Songs Endanger My Soul?”

April 9, 2021 / Ask a Priest

Q: I would like to ask if I am going to hell for listening to Michael Jackson’s songs? So I saw this video on YouTube where this girl was sent to heaven and hell for 23 hours, and in hell she saw Michael Jackson and he told her to tell people to stop listening to his music and to not dance to his music either, because he said that it was all from the devil. Also, people would be following the same path and going to hell. I am very scared. – M.C.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It would be good to be skeptical about people who claim to have gone to heaven and/or hell — and then returned to do YouTube videos.

A separate issue is the kind of music you listen to.

In all things we should keep our salvation in mind. St. Paul reminds us, “Whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).

So, the question you might ask yourself is whether Michael Jackson songs will help you get to heaven. Perhaps there is better music to listen to.

Listening to music is a form of recreation. But not all forms of recreation are good for our soul. Some recreational activities can turn us in addicts, or stimulate our base and self-centered desires. What does the kind of music you listen to do to your mind and heart? Does it help refresh and inspire you, or does it bring out a dark side and make you less docile to the Holy Spirit?

The best music helps us to focus on God, not the singer.

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“Ask a Priest: Can Someone Be Tossed Out of Heaven at the Last Judgment?”

March 9, 2021 / Ask a Priest

Q: The Nicene Creed says, “He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead.” Would that mean someone who’s in heaven can be judged again? Could someone in heaven go to hell after that final judgment? If so, how and why? Also, would people in hell be part of this final judgment? And if yes, would it be possible that they could go to heaven? Also, since in this final judgment there is no purgatory, what will happen to the people in purgatory when Jesus comes back to judge them but they are not clean yet? And what would happen to people on earth who otherwise would have gone to purgatory? – T.K.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: The final, or last, judgment doesn’t function the same way as the particular judgment does.

Let’s say this at the start: Anyone in hell doesn’t get a second chance at the last judgment, and anyone in heaven has no fear of losing heaven.

The final judgment is a kind of last act of history, when all the sins and secret motives of everyone are revealed. This includes souls in hell.

The Catechism in No. 1039 says, “The Last Judgment will reveal even to its furthest consequences the good each person has done or failed to do during his earthly life.”

A separate issue is: What about the souls still in purgatory and those still on earth when the final judgment comes?

The Church has no definitive as to what happens in these cases.

Perhaps at the time of the final judgment all the faithful on earth might have already undergone such trials so as to not need any more purification for their sins. God might also choose an alternate means of purifying the souls of the faithful prior to the final judgment.

Perhaps, too, all the souls in purgatory will have been purified by then.

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“Ask a Priest: What If the Thought of Hell Is Shaking My Faith?”

January 19, 2021 / Ask a Priest

Q: I went to church this January for the first time since I was a very little kid. My faith had waned until I left home for college and caught up on the Gospels and began exploring Christianity more deeply. I am a very analytical person, and I found it difficult at first to reconcile biblical teachings with my logical perspective on the world. I have accepted the existence of our loving God and the divinity of Jesus. That being said, the doctrine of eternal damnation is causing much internal strife within me and is damaging my faith and love of God. I have explored doctrines such as annihilation, but ended up agreeing that the Catholic perspective was far more rooted in biblical teaching. Without getting into too much detail, the thought of unbelieving yet virtuous people, even some I know and love, going to hell has caused me great emotional distress and has caused me to dissociate from my friends and family. If you could provide any advice on how you have reconciled the doctrine of hell in your life, it would be much appreciated. I want to love God, and this seems like the only obstacle that has hindered me thus far. – G.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s good to hear that you have come back closer to the practice of the faith.

I’m not sure that I’ve ever had to “reconcile” the doctrine of hell with my life. It always struck me as making a lot of sense. The chance of helping souls avoid hell is one reason why the priesthood is so important.

The possibility of souls being lost explains, in part, why Jesus suffered and died on a cross for our redemption — sin is very serious business.

The reality of hell (and heaven) also instills meaning into life. If we all end up in heaven anyway, what’s the point of struggling against sin and temptation in this life? Why even bother getting out of bed in the morning?

If our moral choices ultimately don’t matter, then it makes little difference whether we go through life as a Hitler or as a Mother Teresa.

But does that sound true? Isn’t there something deep inside of us that says, “Yes, there is good and there is evil in the world, and my conscience tells me to pursue one and avoid the other”?

As for non-believers: God alone knows the heart and mind of each person. Someone who doesn’t learn about Christ but who sincerely tries to follow his conscience and live a good life can reach salvation.

If your friends and family are not believers, then that should be a motivation for you to evangelize them and to pray for them. Dissociating from them might not be the best response.

It’s one thing to keep a healthy distance from people who might tempt us to lose our faith. On the other hand, living the Catholic faith implies being willing to share the faith, especially with non-believers. And many folks out there are clueless about the meaning of life.

An analogy might help.

Imagine that there was a plague raging, and a pharmaceutical company gave you a stockpile of medicine that could cure the disease.

But instead of sharing the medicine with the sick, you hid it in your room. Would that be a proper response? Would you question the good will of the pharmaceutical company because you hid the medicine in your room as people around you died?

It’s a bit like that with Catholicism. Jesus told us, “Go … and make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:19). He equipped us with the sacraments and solid teaching. And he didn’t tell us to stay away from non-believers.

Perhaps Our Lord is asking you to reach out to your friends and family. You know of a medicine that can help them. And you know where the medicine came from.

For more reading you might consider my colleague Father Bartunek’s Go! 30 Meditations on How to Best Love Your Neighbor as Yourself.

You might want to take some of this to prayer … and see which souls Jesus is calling you to reach out to.

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“Ask a Priest: How Can I Explain Heaven to a 4-Year-Old?”

January 1, 2021 / Ask a Priest

Q: My brother recently died. At the funeral my 4-year-old grandson asked, “How did Uncle David die? Where is he now?” This is a child who hasn’t been to church. I answered that my brother had been sick and went to sleep and didn’t wake up. I also said he was in heaven and was asked, “Where’s that?” I said, “Everywhere” but I think I’ve just confused this little boy. Help! Are there answers to those questions for a 4-year-old? – B.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Please accept my condolences on the death of your brother.

This might be a good teaching moment for your grandson. You mention that he hasn’t been to church. It is not good if he isn’t learning about Jesus from an early age.

Perhaps you might look for an opportunity to speak to your grandson again and explain that we are body and soul, and that when our body dies, our soul lives on. We hope that the soul goes to be with Jesus in heaven.

Heaven is where we see God. It is a realm of perfect happiness. But it is not a place in the same way we think of places in this world.

You could explain that heaven is a venue of perfect happiness, since it is there that we are united with God. People who live good lives have the hope of reaching heaven. (Read more at Peter Kreeft’s webpage on heaven.)

We can also pray for those who have died. They might be in purgatory and thus in need of our prayers and sacrifices.

By praying for the dead we continue to show our love for them, and we can help them. They can pray for us, too.

Perhaps you might want to get a copy of the YouCat for Kids, and read it along with your grandson. This might be a golden moment to teach him about the faith. And maybe his parents, too.

And let him know that the Catholic faith gives him reason to hope that he can be reunited with Uncle David someday.

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“Ask a Priest: What’s the Point of Heaven?”

October 16, 2020 / Ask a Priest

Q: What is the purpose of eternal life? Eternity is a long time. The 5 billion years that Earth has theoretically orbited the sun is a blip of time compared to eternity. So what is eternal life for? I’m skeptical about heaven and eternal life being a place and time just to worship a God who is perfect and really has no need for worship. On Earth, as mortals, worship is more for us than God, but once a person is redeemed what would be the need to worship? Some people say heaven is some kind of blissful existence, but to me, that’s not a purpose. I actually find the idea abhorrent. I’d find it no more an incentive than if someone offered to wire the pleasure centers of my brain so I could sit and spend the rest of my mortal life in ecstasy. That is an empty life, bereft of purpose. I hope someone has an answer. – R.R.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Heaven is where a person would be perfectly happy, being united with his Creator. And perfect happiness by definition wouldn’t be boring. We would be face to face with everything we want: ultimate love, ultimate truth.

Heaven is actually hard for us to imagine. “What eye has not seen, and ear has not heard, and what has not entered the human heart, what God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Corinthian 2:9).

Part of the problem is that we are restricted by our worldly way of thinking. We get annoyed at being stuck in traffic for 10 minutes. So we might be tempted to think that being “stuck” in the same place for eternity would be endless drudgery.

But eternity in heaven isn’t endless drudgery. Rather, it’s a blissful “now.” And it will always be “now.”

It certainly won’t be static, either. Why? Because we would be always learning more about an infinitely good and beautiful God. Since God is infinite, and we are finite, we will never run out of things to learn about God. This is why heaven will be always fresh and joyful.

Moreover, we won’t be enjoying heaven solo. We will be enjoying meaningful relationships with all our brothers and sisters in Christ, with everyone in the great assembly who stayed faithful in God in this life.

Certainly, God, being perfect and perfectly happy in himself, didn’t need us. But he created us to give us a chance to share in his happiness. We are the only creatures that God made for our own sake.

For more reading see Peter Kreeft’s Heaven, the Heart’s Deepest Longing or his Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Heaven but Never Dreamed of Asking.

And it’s good to keep in mind that if an eternity in heaven isn’t an appealing idea, the alternative isn’t any prettier.

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“Ask a Priest: What Can I Say to a Grieving Widow With No Faith?”

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“Ask a Priest: Could I Practice Witchcraft and Still Get to Heaven?”

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“Ask a Priest: Could I Hold Grudges in Heaven?”

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“Ask a Priest: Why Be Afraid of Death?”

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“Ask a Priest: Will Michael Jackson Songs Endanger My Soul?”

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“Ask a Priest: Can Someone Be Tossed Out of Heaven at the Last Judgment?”

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“Ask a Priest: What If the Thought of Hell Is Shaking My Faith?”

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“Ask a Priest: What’s the Point of Heaven?”

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