Habitual Sin

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: How Can I Overcome a Habit of Lying?”

 
Q: I am fighting an ongoing battle with a habitual sin: lying. Since I can remember, I have lied about even the littlest things: to make myself seem more interesting, to engage in conversation … most of the time I do not even know why I do so. I am not sure what to do about it anymore, and I need some spiritual direction. I have recently become very serious about walking the narrow path to Christ through my newfound Catholic faith. But, my habit of lying is getting in the way. I know that it separates me from God, even when it is venial, yet I often feel the need to run to the confessional after I do so. For instance, today, I called out of work and lied to my boss telling her I was ill, just so I could stay home and get things done around the house. I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway, because I did not want to suffer. Please, how can I overcome this? Where do I start? A.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is good to hear that you want to walk the path toward Christ. He is ultimately the only one who can give you happiness; he is the one worth living for.

From what you describe, it sounds as if you are wrestling with the root sin of vanity.

We all have a root sin – be it pride, vanity or sensuality. Most of us wrestle with all three sins, but there is usually one that predominates.

Vanity is basically when we care more about winning the approval of others rather than doing God’s will. Vanity arises from insecurity. We worry whether people will like us, what they think of us, whether they think we are “cool.”

We can end up living on the surface, overly concerned about our appearance, willing to lie to make ourselves look good.

The result is that, deep down, we know that we aren’t being authentic. This feeds the problem, because we end up fearing that nobody would love us if they knew the “real me.” This feeds the insecurity, which in turn feeds the vanity. A vicious cycle.

You might consider four steps to vanquish vanity:

1) Work on purity of intention. That is, try to purify your motives; do the right thing because it pleases God, not because you win get an immediate reward. One way to do that is to treat everyone well, no matter how they respond or no matter how unappealing they are at a human level.

2) A corollary: Learn to see Christ in others, and then love Christ in others. “I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink” (Matthew 25:35). This is a powerful way to walk the path of Christ, because real love for him translates into love for neighbor.

3) Learn to admit mistakes quickly and humbly. This might be difficult at first, but you will sleep better, knowing that you deal honestly with people. Honesty also will endear you to people — they will love you more, not less, for your humility.

4) Make time for prayer and the sacraments. It would be helpful to make confession a regular part of life. If you can find a good regular confessor, all the better.

There is a deeper step that you want to consider, too. And that is to face the reason for your insecurity.

Here you want to remind yourself that your core identity is that you are a beloved daughter of God. So much loved are you that Jesus was willing to die on a cross for you. That kind of love should satisfy your deepest cravings.

Perhaps spending some time in front of the Blessed Sacrament would help. Being in the presence of Our Lord will help you understand his closeness to you, at all levels.

(For more reading see my article and my colleague Father Bartunek’s article. For a book suggestion, Navigating the Interior Life by Dan Burke would be helpful.)

I hope some of this helps.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Can a Mass Get an Unrepentant Sinner Into Heaven?”

Q: In a recent conversation with a friend of mine who is a devout Catholic (I am not), he said a few things that I did not understand. I made the comment that a person who lives a life of habitual unrepentant sin will not go to heaven, whether he is a Catholic or not. My friend says that Catholics are able to have a Mass said for someone like that, so they can enter heaven if they are a Catholic. Is this true? When I told him that I did not think the Bible says that, he told me that I am “not authorized to interpret Scripture.” What does that mean that I am not authorized to interpret Scripture? My friend also told me that even though I think I am a Christian, if I refuse to be a part of the Roman Catholic Church, I cannot and will not go to heaven. Is this true? -R.T.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: Your friend is seriously mistaken on a number of points.

Someone who lives and dies unrepentant in serious sin risks eternal loss — and all the Masses in the world wouldn’t get a soul out of hell.

We are all free to read Scripture, and many people can draw unique fruits and insights from it, which is good. We as Catholics do believe, however, that our personal interpretations shouldn’t contradict the way the Church interprets something. That is reasonable, since God doesn’t intend for Scripture to be interpreted one way by the Church and in a radically different way by someone else. That would render Scripture virtually meaningless.

This isn’t to say, however, that the Church interprets everything in Scripture in a rigid way. In fact, there are relatively few passages that the Church has made definitive judgments on. It doesn’t, for instance, try to interpret every symbol in the Book of Revelation.

In practice, the Church encourages us to read Scripture but with an eye toward Tradition, so that we don’t run off the rails, so to speak. For more reading, you might check out the Pontifical Biblical Commission’s “Interpretation of the Bible in the Church“.

As for needing to be Catholic in order to enter heaven, that is patently false. The Church recognizes that salvation is possible for people who are visibly outside its ranks.

The Second Vatican Council constitution on the Church, Lumen Gentium, deals with this topic. Section 16 of that document is worth quoting here at length:

“Finally, those who have not yet received the Gospel are related in various ways to the people of God. In the first place we must recall the people to whom the testament and the promises were given and from whom Christ was born according to the flesh. On account of their fathers this people remains most dear to God, for God does not repent of the gifts He makes nor of the calls He issues. But the plan of salvation also includes those who acknowledge the Creator. In the first place among these there are the Muslims, who, professing to hold the faith of Abraham, along with us adore the one and merciful God, who on the last day will judge mankind. Nor is God far distant from those who in shadows and images seek the unknown God, for it is He who gives to all men life and breath and all things, and as Savior wills that all men be saved. Those also can attain to salvation who through no fault of their own do not know the Gospel of Christ or His Church, yet sincerely seek God and moved by grace strive by their deeds to do His will as it is known to them through the dictates of conscience. Nor does Divine Providence deny the helps necessary for salvation to those who, without blame on their part, have not yet arrived at an explicit knowledge of God and with His grace strive to live a good life. Whatever good or truth is found among them is looked upon by the Church as a preparation for the Gospel.”

I hope this helps. You might even think about sharing this answer with your friend.

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!