failing

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Mom Died, Dad Is Failing — Is God Punishing Me?”

Q: I lost my mother suddenly at the start of the year, and my father, who has terminal lung cancer, barely opens his eyes anymore. I have prayed and prayed and prayed for a miracle for him (and before his health took a turn I included my mother in those prayers as she was still living). I feel like I’m not being heard or that God has more important things to deal with than the likes of me. I am an only child and was born to older parents. For over 10 years I was their caretaker, and now at the age of 29 I feel my life, my purpose, slipping through my hands like sand in an hourglass. Did I do something to enrage God to put such a plight on both of my parents? I do believe, I do pray, but perhaps I am just not worthy. What could I have done to have both of my parents taken from me so soon in my life? My mother was very sudden, but my father … he lingers. I don’t know how much more I can take. – R.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: I’m sorry to hear about the passing of your mom and the ill health of your dad.

Your life has certainly not been without purpose. Your prayers and dedication to Mom and Dad are a great sign that God’s grace has been working in you.

The presence of suffering in the world can shake our faith at times. But when we look at the crucifix, we are reminded that suffering can have a redemptive meaning. Suffering is also a sure sign of love – Jesus’ love for us, yours for your parents.

You mustn’t think that God has abandoned you. You are his beloved daughter, and he is as close to you now as ever.

A mystery of our faith is that God has a way of testing those he loves the most. Just think of the Blessed Virgin Mary and the heartache she endured on Calvary.

Your fidelity to your parents in their declining years is a great witness of charity and family solidarity. We need more of that in the world.

Also, the need to help your parents these past years has probably helped you to grow in a lot of ways. I can imagine that you have a big heart and that your values aren’t centered on the frivolous things of this world. Not all of your contemporaries could say the same thing.

This would be a good moment to double-down on your prayer life. Try to see that Jesus is allowing you to share his cross in a profound way.

You do, however, want to try to look after your own psychological well-being. This means trying to network with others, and looking to maintain some semblance of a social life. Your life certainly isn’t over. And it hasn’t been wasted.

You have been loyal to your parents. You have stood by them in their time of difficulty. You have honored the Fourth Commandment. In a word, you have loved in the deepest sense.

My guess is that God is giving you the grace to become a saint. “If you knew the gift of God” (John 4:10).

Again, try to look for chances to network and socialize with others. You need a sense of community outside the home. To this end, “The Complete Christian: A Retreat Guide on the Calling of the Twelve Apostles” might help. Count on my prayers.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Is the U.S. Failing?”

Q: I was listening to a theologian on EWTN Radio recently. He is of the persuasion that our country was an experiment from the very beginning and it is failing. This thought never occurred to me. Is there a debate among the intellectuals? He listed a number of names that have made statements along this line. Are you personally disturbed by this? I certainly am! How embarrassing that we are fighting like a bunch of teenagers on the right and left of politics. I am trying to keep my peace but it is hard! What say you? – P.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: I’m not sure Ask a Priest has any special insights into the political status of America. A proper answer could fill a book.

The debate over whether America is failing isn’t new — think of the Civil War or the Depression-era 1930s or the tumultuous 1960s.

Political systems are always evolving, sometimes a work in progress, sometimes a work in decline.

Suffice it to say that the West has been doing something of a slow slide since the 15th or 16th centuries. The Reformation-led split within Christendom and the subsequent Enlightenment, with its overemphasis on science and reason and downplaying of faith, have left their share of wounds.

The Enlightenment shaped the thinking of the Founding Fathers profoundly, though certainly not always in a bad way. But like any humanly constructed polity, the U.S. has its strengths and weaknesses.

One of its strengths has been a population that doesn’t sit around waiting for things to crash and burn. Political and social reformers, many of them firmly rooted in religious convictions, have helped to revive the country at various times. A reform is needed now, too.

A quick suggestion would be to live your Catholic faith fully. We are called to bring the light of Christ into the world. It begins with each of us — it won’t begin with Congress or a new president or a federal court.

In short, it is better to focus on what you can do to preach the Gospel through your prayers, words and actions.

Jesus never outlined a political system for us to follow. Rather, he gave us principles about how we are to treat others.

Maybe now our real task is to give God what belongs to God.

For more reading you might look at two of Archbishop Charles Chaput’s books: Render Unto Caesar and Strangers in a Strange Land.

Let’s pray for the nation.

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest

Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!