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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: What If Mom Spends a Lot of Time on Facebook?”

Q: My mom and I live together in an apartment, and she goes to work most days, but I’m worried about her because she doesn’t have much to do at home. At home, she usually spends most of the day on the computer on Facebook. I asked her what her responsibilities are, and she said cleaning around at home and feeding me, basically. She’s Catholic and makes sure we go to Mass every Sunday, but that’s about it for her faith life. She’s getting old and I, her last child, am going to college soon. My father and her have been divorced for 10 years now, so I’m pretty much all she’s got at home. Do you have any tips as to what she can do with her time rather than spend most of it on the computer? I love her so much, and she’s the most loving mother I could hope for. I have been doing research about Catholicism, and this caused me to be really focused on the faith. I’m super pumped about the responsibilities I have as a Catholic, such as evangelization. How can I help my mom do something more than just sit at home all day? Any tips? – Xavier

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s great that you are concerned about your mom’s faith. Once upon a time it was usually moms who worried about their kids spending too much time on Facebook.

The fact that Mom gets to Mass every Sunday is a sign of a lot of good will on her part. Nowadays, regular Mass attendance is not as common as it should be.

Maybe a few things could help:

First, you want to intensify your own prayer life for her. Tell her that you remember her often in your prayers.

Second, you might try to point her to alternatives on the Internet. You might suggest that she subscribe to some Catholic services, such as Aleteia, which has a lot of articles about cultural and historical aspects of the Church. These might get her more interested in the faith.

You also might want to steer her toward the RC Spirituality Retreat Guides, and encourage her to tune into Catholic radio if it’s available locally.

Also helpful might be to give your mom a statue or picture of Our Lady and ask her (your mom) to remember to pray for you when you are away.

Another form of help would be to encourage her to get involved in some kind of parish or volunteer activity. Her Facebook activity might be her way of filling a social gap in her life.

She might feel isolated from friends and other people her age. If you can encourage her to network with people in real events, that might help her a lot.

It’s also good to keep in mind that the work of growth in the spiritual life is really a work of the Holy Spirit. That’s why we shouldn’t try to force things on people.

Your mom, for instance, might be living the faith as best she knows how, right now. So, while it’s OK to suggest things, it’s good to do it gently.

While you are away you might want to send her messages on Facebook to remind her of your prayers. In that way you can add a little spiritual dimension to the social networking service.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: What If Members of My Church Group Don’t Dress Modestly?”

Q: I’m having trouble with some requirements about fraternal correction. They are: a reasonable hope that the correction will be heeded and the sinner will amend their ways, and if someone else is more qualified and likely to correct them. So, for example, in my church group, I see some girls wearing tight pants or immodest clothing. And one of the group coordinators has a Facebook page in which she dresses quite immodestly and posts pictures on her profile. So my question is, am I obliged to correct them? I don’t have much rapport with them, only know them from the group and don’t talk much with them. There is a priest who frequents our meetings, so he is more qualified to correct them — although maybe not likely to do it. And all of them are nice Catholics who are trying to grow, so maybe my correction might do them good but I don’t know. Maybe they will think I’m nuts or too strict. And, of course, the Church has no set rules for modesty, which makes it hard to tell them anything. – K.D.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: You touch on a very important topic, one of those elephant-in-the-corner issues. It’s big, everyone knows it’s there, but not enough people speak about it openly.

So to start out: No, you aren’t nuts for being concerned about these young women.

And while the Church doesn’t issue set rules on how to dress, it does offer important principles. The Catechism in No. 2521 says:

 “Purity requires modesty, an integral part of temperance. Modesty protects the intimate center of the person. It means refusing to unveil what should remain hidden. It is ordered to chastity to whose sensitivity it bears witness. It guides how one looks at others and behaves toward them in conformity with the dignity of persons and their solidarity.”

I don’t know all the details of your situation. But it might be a fair to venture a few observations.

First, the fact that these young women are involved in a church group shows a lot good will. So let’s assume that their hearts are in the right place.

Second, they have been influenced (poorly) by the wider culture. Modesty is not a strong point of media, including social media. Young people feed on and mimic what they see on a screen, like fish feeding on polluted riverbeds.

So what path might start to lead to a solution? A few suggestions might help.

First, pray for the young women in your circle. Pray that the Holy Spirit open their hearts to the beauty and dignity of modesty.

Second, think of programs and activities that might attract the attention of the young women. This could range from theology of the body courses, to activities used by groups such as Pure Fashion.

It’s good to help the young women understand that modesty isn’t prudishness. Modesty can help them to understand and appreciate their own dignity, and it even enables them to radiate a deeper beauty.

Third, you might ask that priest who frequents the meetings for his ideas. He might not want to bring up the topic of modesty directly with the group, since it might come across as a public indictment of the young women sitting in front of him.

Rather, he might prefer another approach, such as giving a mini-retreat on the Blessed Virgin Mary and her qualities. This kind of thing could be used against the background of the theology of the body courses or similar events.

Along the spiritual lines you might also doing something about the life of Maria Goretti. Perhaps you could show a video on her life and have a group discussion afterward. Videos on modesty (check out YouTube) might do the trick, too.

It might help, too, to invite a guest speaker to address your group — for instance, a college coed who is involved with campus ministry or pro-life work. Such a student could touch on the value of modesty and connect with her listeners in a convincing way.

You might find ideas on the FOCUS website and the Life Teen site.

In short, you want to look for ways to promote a culture of modesty. Help the young women to understand that by their modesty they can also help the young men around them be better persons.

You might also look at some of the books out there on modesty (an Internet search helps) and share them with the young women.

If you can raise awareness and present modesty as a positive thing, the young women might embrace it quickly. The virtue of purity can still resonate deeply in young hearts.

None of the above is intended to be the last word in this area. But maybe some of these points will help. The battle for modesty is worth the effort.

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“Ask a Priest: Should I Speak Up About a Friend’s Immodest Posts on Facebook?”

Q: I had a question regarding fraternal correction and how it should be done. A friend of mine has immodest pictures on her Facebook. It is not somewhere where most people would see them, but I am wondering if I am obliged to do anything about it and if so, what? Any advice you can give is welcome. I am a guy, by the way. – L.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is good that you have concern about your friend, especially in an area where people might have blind spots in their discretion.

The short suggestion is that you could bring this to her attention, but to do it with great charity and prudence.

For starters, it is good to assume that she has a lot of good will. The young woman simply might not understand how the photos could be perceived.

It is understandable that she might be influenced by the images she sees in ads and TV and movies, etc. She might think this is how to look “terrific,” though she might not understand the impression she is making on others, especially men.

Then again, you might ask whether these photos were meant for a very private audience – such as for a few of her women friends who might be less offended by the pictures.

Perhaps you might consider a few steps.

First, take this to prayer. Ask the Holy Spirit for the guidance to say the right thing at the right moment. Ask the Spirit to enlighten your friend, too. You might offer up a Mass or a rosary for this intention.

Second, if and when you decide to say something, mention to her first the things you admire about her: her charity, her joy, her loyalty, etc. If she senses your brotherly love for her, it might make for an ambience in which it is it easier to raise the issue of the photos.

Whatever you do, do it from the perspective of charity. You want to help your friend. And sometimes loves means we are willing to risk saying things that might be hard to hear.

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Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: How to Distinguish Between Mortal and Venial Sin?”

Q: After being a Catholic for around a month, I still do not clearly understand what sins are. Sometimes, I still do not know whether what I did, what I read, or what I speak are mortal sins, venial sins, or not a sin at all. I learned that there are three conditions for mortal sin. It must be grave matter, committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent. However, it is still hard to know whether what I have done is which kind of sin or not a sin at all. My problem is that I cannot categorize some of my actions. For example, as a Facebook user, sometimes there are posts or pictures that might offend God, which appear in my news feed. I know that if I don’t mean to look at them, it is not a sin. But sometimes I do not know that they are inappropriate texts until I finish reading them. Are they venial sins, or not a sin at all? Sometimes I also cannot judge if what I have done is a grave matter or a serious action. I sometimes think that what my parents say is a little annoying. I respond to them in a little bad mood but without using bad words. I sometimes look at women who dress not so properly. I cannot say that I look unintentionally, but I try not to think inappropriately. I have heard that we also must confess venial sins, to confess properly. I would like to be able to judge what is mortal sin or venial sin or not a sin at all. Thank you. — Pete

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Your question is encouraging. As a new Catholic, you are showing that you take seriously your commitment to follow Christ and to grow to spiritual maturity (holiness). This is a clear sign of God’s loving action in your life.

The faith, like a lot of things, is something that we learn more deeply over time.

We learn about the faith through means natural and supernatural.

On the natural side we need to try to study our faith on an ongoing basis. This could include reading good books (including the Bible, of course) and the Catholic press. The Catechism can help, too.

On the supernatural side we rely on the guidance of the Holy Spirit. That is why we need to have a solid prayer life. This keeps us in tune with the Spirit’s movement in our lives.

Now, as for the difference between venial and mortal sin, you already know the three criteria for the latter. When you run across something unexpectedly on Facebook, or where things pop into your head, the best is to ignore them and move on.

If you deliberately pause over them, that could be at least a venial sin. If you dwell on them, that could slip into mortal sin (in the case of photos, for instance) because you are using more of your will power.

The line between venial and mortal sin can be hard to draw at times. Where is doubt about whether the three criteria of mortal sin were met, you could assume perhaps that the offense is venial. Prayer and study will help you form your conscience in this area.

When in doubt about the gravity of a sin, it is good to mention it in confession.

Strictly speaking, we only need to mention mortal sins in confession. However, the Catechism in No. 1458 says: “Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church. Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit.”

One more idea is worth considering.

Ask yourself whether you are willing to do something if it is “only” a venial sin. If you say yes, then there is a serious problem. When someone deliberately chooses to do commit something that is “only” a venial sin, he is closer to falling into mortal sin that he realizes.

Put another way, we aren’t called to just avoid mortal sin. We are called to be saints.

This entails our constantly looking for ways to go deeper in our relationship with God.

In practice this means that we should re-evaluate what we are doing day by day.

If Facebook is a source of temptation, then maybe it’s time to rethink whether you should be using it at all. If watching a certain TV channel is a source of temptation, maybe it’s time to skip it altogether.

The danger is that we can fall into serious sin by putting ourselves in the near occasion of venial sin. And if life without Facebook seems extreme, just think of what is at stake.

To help you go deeper in the spiritual life, consider some of the RC Spirituality resources, such as the Retreat Guides and the RC Daily Meditations. Other helpful resources could include “The Better Part” and “A Guide to Christian Meditation.”

Stay close to the sacraments yourself. And cultivate a devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary, too. She is a great intercessor and will help you on your journey as you learn more about your Catholic faith.

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest

Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Are Prayer Postings Suitable on Facebook?”

Q: On religious posts on Facebook, many people will write prayers in the comments. While this may be well-intentioned, it seems wrong. It’s not as though God checks Facebook every night to see what the prayers are, and it seems like it’s what Jesus is teaching against in Matthew 6:1-8. The only reason you write something on Facebook is so it will be seen by other people; writing personal prayers in comments looks like the poster is saying, “Hey everyone, see how pious I am?” Also, there are many posts that will have a quote or Bible verse and say something along the lines of “If you agree, type ‘Amen’ in the comments.” To me, this cheapens whatever was quoted in the post, and it makes the post more about getting a higher number of comments than really reflecting on the quote. Many of the pages on Facebook that have these problems are run by Catholic organizations. Shouldn’t the organizations discourage these kinds of posts? What are your thoughts? – J.R.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: On balance it might be a good thing that folks on Facebook are so open about their faith and prayer intentions.

One of the dangers today is that the wider society tries to silence talk of Our Lord and religion. This trend should be resisted, and if Facebook is one avenue for religious expression, so be it. The alternative might be that talk of God increasingly fades from the public arena, which isn’t good.

True, there might be folks who go overboard or who don’t do things with the purest motives. But that is life.

We shouldn’t be too quick to try to squelch religious expression on social media. It is a bit like Joshua telling Moses to silence Eldad and Medad, who were unexpectedly prophesying in the Israelite camp. Rather than dissuade them, Moses retorted, “If only all the people of the LORD were prophets!” (Numbers 11:29).

Our mission is to live the Gospel and to share it as best we can with the world. Even when shared imperfectly, it can be still be a means for the Spirit to work.

That said, not everyone will feel moved to share or express their faith in this way. There is room for diversity in how we bear witness to the Lord. And so it is understandable why certain methods of doing so might rub you the wrong way. You certainly shouldn’t feel obliged to respond or engage with them.

 

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Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!