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“Ask a Priest: How I Can Explain the Eternity of Hell?”

Q: I was talking with my sister about hell, and I was wondering if you could help me with some questions. I know that an all-loving God doesn’t send people there, but rather they choose to go there by their free will, but I want to be able to explain that better. Also, I told her about how this life doesn’t really mean anything if we will all end up in heaven eventually. But she asked, What if people feel truly sorry for what they have done? I know that the Church teaches that hell is eternal, but if God is truly mercy itself, if someone really repents after death, wouldn’t God want them with him? Why would God take away one’s free will to choose him after the person died? Doesn’t he want them to be with him forever? Thanks for the help. – S.P.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: You and your sister seem to go well beyond the realm of casual chit-chat.

As you mention, hell is something that people basically choose. The Catechism in No. 1033 calls it the “state of definitive self-exclusion from communion with God and the blessed.”

People might not think, “I want to go to hell.” But they can sin grievously and so reject God and in effect choose perdition. Hell is simply what the soul experiences if it rejects God and dies in that state.

The fact that God is all-loving is precisely why hell is so terrible. That is when a soul fully realizes what rejecting a loving God means.

None of this detracts from God’s goodness. Maybe an analogy will help.

Imagine Julie meets Boris, a young man who is uncouth, disrespectful, irresponsible (and not very good-looking, to boot). Julie turns down his offer of a date. Does she later regret her decision? Probably not.

Now imagine that Julie meets Stan, a young man who is kind, respectful, hardworking, responsible, mature and of good comportment. In a hasty moment Julie turns down Stan’s offer of a date. Perhaps Julie gives in to a bit of human respect simply because her college roommate doesn’t like Stan’s brand of aftershave.

Eventually, Stan marries another woman. Julie, years later, having met one dud after another, regrets that she ever rejected Stan. But her chance to reach out to Stan is past. The window of opportunity is closed.

If she called Stan now, he might not respond. Why? Because he is nasty? No. He won’t return the call because of his uprightness and his faithfulness to his wife. Julie is left for the rest of her days feeling the consequences of her decision to spurn Stan.

Where the analogy breaks down is if Stan becomes a widower, and he bumps into Julie again. There is a second chance for her. But with us, our time to make decisions is in this life. There is no second chance after death (see the parable of the rich man and Lazarus in Luke 16:19-31).

Now, if a person — even a non-Christian — repents of his sins somehow, he could attain salvation. God’s grace can work in mysterious ways.

It’s not that God takes away free will after death as much as we simply come face to face with the consequences of what we have freely chosen. When we die, we step outside of time, so to speak. Things settle into an eternal now.

Souls that have rejected God in this world are stuck with that decision, just as the souls of the righteous can be confident that they won’t lose heaven, ever. Jesus is quite clear about the reality of eternal bliss and eternal punishment (see Matthew 25).

Yes, God “is patient with you, not wishing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9), but he won’t force his love on anyone.

And lest anyone think that no one will end up lost for eternity, they would do well to meditate on Matthew 25.

The possibility of hell might be one reason why God chose the passion and death of his Son on a cross as the means for our redemption. He wanted to show us that sin is very serious stuff.

You and your sister might want to continue your conversation by watching together our Fire of Mercy: A Retreat Guide for All Saints’ and All Souls’ Days, which touches on the subject.

I hope some of this builds your confidence in God’s goodness, rather than just a fear of you-know-where.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Will My Children Suffer for My Sins?”

Q: I’m trying to understand temporal punishment. I found the following. God forgave David, but David still had to suffer the loss of his son as well as other temporal punishments (2 Samuel 12). Will my children suffer for my sins? My sister’s son is very sick, and she thinks he is sick because of her sins. Her guilt is tremendous. Can you shed some light on this? – S.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: I’m sorry to hear about your sister’s son.

You question touches on separate issues.

One is the case of David. The punishment for his adultery and his murder of Uriah — including the death of the baby — is a sign that sin has consequences. Exodus 34:7 warned that the wickedness of a parent could bring punishment on children to the third or fourth generation (but blessings to a thousand generations, in the case of good behavior).

We shouldn’t read too much into the incident, however. It’s not the case that a parent’s sins will always lead to a child’s suffering.

Nevertheless, sin does have a social consequence. Our sins can hurt the mystical body of the Church, as well as the wider society. There is no such thing as a strictly private sin.

For instance, if Joe sins in the privacy of his home by viewing pornography, his sin affects his spiritual state, which in turn has an impact on the quality of his prayer and intercessory power for others.

Joe’s sin can also affect his marriage (ask a wife who has discovered her husband watching pornography). He is also helping to fuel a loathsome industry that exploits people, especially women. This demand for pornography in turn allows it to corrupt others.

Similarly, a parent’s sin could have an impact on children, just as it could impact a spouse, in-laws, his neighborhood, his workplace.

As for your sister: Without knowing more details, it’s impossible to say whether her sins might have caused her son’s suffering directly. If she were a drug addict during pregnancy and passed on health problems to her unborn son, yes, the link would be obvious.

But if they were other types of sins, then maybe God has simply allowed the son’s illness to bring about something good. Perhaps it is making your sister humbler, more reflective, more prayerful. This doesn’t mean, however, that God is “taking out his anger” on the child.

Then there is the matter of temporal punishment itself. It is the healing penalty that God in his justice inflicts either on earth or in purgatory for sins, even though the guilt of the sins is already forgiven.

It’s analogous to breaking your neighbor’s window out of negligence. You ask his forgiveness. He forgives you. But you need to replace the window, too – that’s the “temporal punishment” due to your negligence.

You might want to encourage your sister to seek out confession if need be. It would be good to assure her that God loves her and her son, and that he is not a vengeful deity but a loving Father.

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Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!