Confessional

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Can a Confessor Ban Me From All Movies and Social Media?”

Q: When I went to confession last week my confessor gave me some harsh advice after I asked him about my choice of movies and shows. I am usually careful about what I watch. For example, I avoid violent content, and I try my best to weigh the pros and cons of a movie. The same goes for video games. My confessor told me to avoid movies at all cost and even social media. I was worried after that because I know that I am morally bound to obey his advice. I was taken aback, since I am just 18 and in college, so my classes are online. I do watch movies and shows in my unproductive time (around four hours or so daily). I want to know whether I still need to follow whatever advice I get in a confession? Plus, I have scrupulosity, so it doesn’t let me live in peace. – R.O.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Since I don’t know the whole context of the conversation between you and the confessor, I don’t want to second-guess the advice that he gave in the moment.

While we should take seriously the advice of a confessor – the confessional can be, after all, a special forum in which the Holy Spirit works – the following of that advice might not always be obligatory but rather prudential.

The penance that a priest prescribes is obligatory, but his advice is something that you would want to weigh the pros and cons of, and decide whether to follow it.

Ideally the confessor could educate a penitent’s conscience about the objective sinfulness of something. For it is the evil of the thing that obliges a penitent to avoid it, not the priest’s obliging him to avoid it.

Perhaps the priest felt as though he didn’t have a lot of time to give you a detailed moral explanation, and so advised an across-the-board ban on movies and social media. Or, if he perceived that just about any media pose a grave danger for you, the prohibition might have been the strong medicine he thought you needed.

In general, though, I wouldn’t say that a person is obliged to avoid all movies and social media.

Some movies can be uplifting, and social media can be a powerful tool if used correctly.

The key here is discernment. We have to be prudent about our use of media.

You mention that you spend four hours a day watching movies and shows. That seems like a lot of time.

You mention “unproductive time.” There really shouldn’t be unproductive time in our lives.

Every day is a gift of God. One of the most valuable things he gives us is time — and like all our God-given gifts, we should use them for his glory and for the good of others.

My suggestion is that you spend some time in prayer and see how you might use your days more productively.

Being of college age, you have a capacity to learn things more quickly and deeply. These are the years that you want to use well, to study hard, to form yourself well. It would be a pity to spend a quarter of your waking hours watching movies.

In lieu of movies, you might consider the fine resources online that could help you grow in your knowledge of the faith, such as Catholic Answers, the St. Paul Center for Biblical Theology, Discerning Hearts, and Renewal Ministries.

For more reading about use of the media in general, see the Second Vatican Council decree Inter Mirifica and John Paul II’s apostolic letter “The Rapid Development.”

Remember, someday we will have to give an account to God of how we used that great gift of time.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: What If a Confessor Seems Distracted With His iPad?”

Q: Several months ago in confession I could see through the screen the backlight of the priest’s iPad, and that he was scrolling on it during my confession. When I finished with the “And for these and all my sins …” there was an awkward pause that reinforced the impression that he was not listening. It really bothered me. I pray for him and give him the benefit of the doubt, but should I say something to him or someone else so that others don’t have the same experience? I have great respect for priests, so I feel uncomfortable complaining to him or someone higher up, but at the same time, the sacrament of reconciliation is very important to me. Thank you. – C.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Your esteem for the sacrament of reconciliation is admirable. It is good that you are taking advantage of the sacrament. It works ex opere operato, which means the grace of the sacrament is there, no matter the holiness of the minister, since it is really Christ who is working.

It is admirable, too, that your reaction was to pray for the priest.

Perhaps he was listening. Or perhaps he allowed himself to get distracted when he shouldn’t. God alone knows.

If you feel you the need to say something, it would be better to say it to him — but within the sacrament of confession, not outside. A priest can’t say anything about what transpires in the confessional, not even to defend himself.

For the same reason it might not be good to say anything to anyone else; at the very least it wouldn’t be good to name the priest. The person you would tell — a pastor or a bishop, for instance — probably wouldn’t say anything to the priest, because he knows that the priest can’t respond. You get the idea.

Meanwhile, you might consider two simpler options.

First, just move on and try to forget the incident. Perhaps the priest wasn’t really at fault. Or perhaps the iPad incident was a onetime slip.

Second, if the incident bothered you deeply, you could seek out another confessor in the future.

At any rate, keep taking advantage of the sacrament. It is really Jesus who is doing the most important work of grace.

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Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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“Ask a Priest: May I Accompany My Child in the Confessional?”

Q: This is a delicate question, but you are really the only one who can answer it. I am an abuse survivor, but I do not want to abandon the Catholic faith for another religion. My question is, for a survivor who has young children and has obvious difficulty with trust, can the parent be present in the confessional during the young child’s confession? I could see myself doing this until the child seemed mature enough to understand, and agree that I would be right outside the booth, and he/she would know to immediately leave and report anything inappropriate, etc. I apologize for the question, but it’s hard to ask your own parish priest this question in person. -L.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: I am sorry to hear that you have suffered abuse in your past. You are a beloved daughter of God, and this was not part of his plan for your life. It is good, though, that you haven’t left the Catholic faith; Our Lord wants to give you many graces through the Church, especially the sacraments.

A: I am sorry to hear that you have suffered abuse in your past. You are a beloved daughter of God, and this was not part of his plan for your life. It is good, though, that you haven’t left the Catholic faith; Our Lord wants to give you many graces through the Church, especially the sacraments.

Your concern for your children is understandable. In regards to the sacrament of reconciliation, the best and most practical way of ensuring your children’s safety would be to find a church that has either a closed confessional with a wall and screen between priest and penitent (each being in a separate, closet-like compartment) or a confessional room with glass walls, so that you could easily see what is going on. (In some parishes, for example, the “crying room” doubles as a makeshift confessional room.)

If you want to wait nearby outside a confessional, that is fine. Frankly, it would not be a good idea to try to enter a confessional room along with a child. The child has a right to privacy when confessing sins. Moreover, it is not likely that a priest would tolerate a third party being present. The last thing we would want is to turn the sacrament into an arena of conflict. And that wouldn’t help your children.

If your parish is the only practical option for confession, and you aren’t comfortable with the arrangements in the church (say, if it only has enclosed confessional rooms), then perhaps you could ask the pastor for a different venue. Perhaps a kneeler and screen could be set up in a visible area (such as the sanctuary) that is out of earshot of other people.

A positive development in recent years is that clergy have been required to undergo special training in the area of abuse prevention. And there is certainly a heightened awareness within parishes and schools about the need to be on the watch for suspicious behavior and attitudes. All this can contribute to producing a culture of alertness that helps protect anyone who might be vulnerable. I hope that some of this helps. God bless.

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!