Confession

Virtuous Men: Heroic Leaders Series | St. Thomas More as a Model for Prudence | November 2024

This month, join us as we delve into the life of St. Thomas More and the virtue of prudence. Discover how this heroic man lived out his faith with fortitude and wisdom, standing firm for truth in the face of adversity.

What: 9 am Mass, Reflection, Talk on St. Thomas More & Prudence, Small Group Discussion (Confessions Available)
Where: Prince of Peace Catholic Community, St. Joseph Center, Rm. 208/210
When: 9 am – 12 pm

No registration needed. Come ready to be inspired by St. Thomas More’s steadfast courage and gain insights into living a life guided by prudence in today’s world!

For the full Virtuous Men: Heroic Leaders series schedule, click here.

 

 

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: What If Our Priest Doesn’t Want to Hear the Same Sins?”

Q: Our priest has told us he doesn’t want us to go to confession with him if we are going to confess the same sins every time. I thought I’d read or heard in a religion class that it was OK to confess the same sin until you no longer commit it. Some guidance would be helpful. Thank you. – Barb

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: The Catechism in No. 1458 is worth quoting here:

“Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church. Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit.”

It’s not unusual for people to confess the same sins, since old habits die hard. The struggle against bad habits can help keep us humble and close to the sacraments.

That said, it’s unusual that this priest seems to have publicized such a preference. Technically he is wrong. People are free to confess the same sins.

Moreover, canon law states that the faithful have a right to the sacraments. Canon 843 §1 says, “Sacred ministers cannot deny the sacraments to those who seek them at appropriate times, are properly disposed, and are not prohibited by law from receiving them.”

Perhaps that priest is swamped with work and hopes to dissuade penitents who tend to be long-winded in the confessional, while a long line of penitents is kept waiting.

I’m not saying that you are long-winded; I’m just trying to guess at the motives of the priest.

A few suggestions might be worth considering:

First, try to plan your confession well and keep it concise.

Second, try looking for another confessor, perhaps in another parish.

Third, pray for vocations. We need more priests so that will be enough confessors in the future.

And pray for that priest. He might indeed be overworked.

 

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A Little Matthew in All of Us

Dear Friends,

Everything Jesus did in his earthly mission, he did for a reason. From the people he healed to the towns he visited to the men he chose as his Apostles: these were intentional actions. This week the church commemorates the Apostle Matthew. The Gospel tells us that many tax collectors and “those known as sinners” came to dinner with Jesus at Matthew’s house. The Pharisees were scandalized. What business did a teacher have associating with such immoral people? Jesus sets the record—he came for the sinners. Jesus saw in Matthew the potential for a saint. I recently came across a reflection Mother Teresa offered on the value of confession. She tells her audience that whenever you feel that you have done something wrong, do not be afraid because God is a loving father whose mercy is far greater than we can imagine. He gave us the sacrament of confession so that our hearts can be purified. She said, “We go to confession a sinner with sin, and we come from confession a sinner without sin.” We may not all be tax collectors, but we are all fallen creatures. We may be scandalized by our own sinfulness, but God is not. He knows there is a little Matthew in all of us, that’s why he sent his son, so that through him, we might become saints.

Yours in the Heart of Jesus,

Donna  

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Is a Light Penance Normal?”

Q: I’m a 51-year-old male who went to a Catholic elementary school but for more than 40 years didn’t attend Mass. During the pandemic I felt a need to re-establish a relationship with the Church. I became confirmed. I spent a lot of time thinking about my sins over four decades in preparation for a doozie of a confession. I went and started at a real high level, expecting the priest to ask for more information. He didn’t, so I kept going. At the end, he just assigned me to read Psalm 32. I feel like my penance should have been more. Is this normal? – T.B.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s great to hear that you received confirmation and got to confession after so many years away from the practice of the faith. That was a great grace.

As for what you perceive as a light penance: On one hand, yes, it seems light.

On the other hand, no penance we do can ever fully make restitution for our sins. It is Jesus’ passion and death that paid the price of our sins and won our redemption. (Note: “Winning our redemption” doesn’t mean our salvation is automatic; we have to do our part, too.)

I won’t try to double-guess the particular penance you received. Perhaps this particular confessor chose not to impose a heavier penance because he didn’t want your first experience of the sacrament after 40 years to be onerous.

In principle, confessors should to assign a penance that will help the penitent. Sure, some confessors tend to assign tougher penances than others. That is a separate issue.

In any case, penances are only one part of making restitution. Sins also bring a temporal punishment that needs to be paid off, so to speak.

An analogy might help: Imagine that you break your neighbor’s kitchen window due to negligence. You ask for forgiveness from your neighbor; and let’s say he forgives you. That’s like getting absolved from sin within the sacrament of confession.

There is still the matter of the broken window, however. You need to replace it or at least contribute to its replacement. This is like temporal punishment.

By sinning we break a window; but even after receiving absolution and doing a penance, we need to try to replace that window.

This we can do through prayers, worthy reception of the sacraments, almsgiving, fasting, and various acts of piety such as Scripture reading and Eucharistic adoration.

I hope that this helps.

 

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Doesn’t God Want Us All to Be Converted?”

Q: Could you please shed some light on the following Gospel passage? “When [Jesus] was alone, the Twelve, together with the others who formed his company, asked what the parables meant. He told them, ‘The secret of the kingdom of God is given to you, but to those who are outside everything comes in parables, so that they may see and see again, but not perceive; may hear and hear again, but not understand; otherwise they might be converted and be forgiven.’” It appears as if some people are deliberately not meant to understand certain teachings, lest they convert and be saved! Yet this does not make sense — God wants to save us all. Another thing: why are some people more open/receptive to the truth or spiritual things, while others are not? If God wants all his children saved, shouldn’t he plant a seed of openness in us all? Life’s a mystery. – T.S.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s great that you thinking deeply about the Scriptures and making an effort to understand their true meaning.

That passage from Mark 4, like all biblical texts, needs to be read within the whole context of Scripture. Jesus goes on to explain things to his disciples. So why the difference between what he reveals to the masses and what he reveals to his close disciples?

One explanation (and there could be others) is that Jesus’ plan for our salvation involves the Church. And this includes its teaching authority, or magisterium, which rests with the pope and the bishops in communion with him.

In other words, Jesus doesn’t just explain everything clearly and fully to each person as an isolated individual. Rather, he also speaks to them through the mediation of the Church. He has worked like this from the start of the Church, for he sends out his disciples to preach the Gospel and to baptize and to “make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:19).

We learn about the Gospel through other humans, and we need the help of the Church to interpret Scripture correctly. This is one reason why we need to stay united to the Church.

Some people think that each person on his own can read and understand Scripture accurately. But experience doesn’t bear that out. Left to their own devices, people can come up with all kinds of strange and varied interpretations of Scripture. The magisterium helps us to avoid faulty interpretations.

Now, that part in the Gospel about Jesus not wanting people to convert is a bit of hyperbole. His quote, an allusion to Isaiah 6:9, is like that of an exasperated parent who tells a rebellious 16-year-old son, “Sure, go ahead, drop out of school and join a rock band! See how happy you are in five years!”

Obviously, the parent isn’t encouraging the son to give up on education. Rather, the parent is challenging him to think through the consequences of not finishing high school.

Likewise, Jesus is warning that people who don’t make an effort to understand his message risk losing salvation, and that the disciples have a serious duty to explain the fullness of what Our Lord wants to reveal. (A helpful resource to help you understand the more difficult passages in the Gospels is The Better Part.)

Why does God give people different levels of receptivity? The Almighty dispenses graces as he wills, and he seems to have favorites. This is apparent even in the Old Testament, which revolves around the history of God’s chosen [read: favored] people.

Hierarchy is a part of God’s creation. Hierarchy is there among the angels (some are archangels), among creatures in the visible world (some are microbes, some are animals, some are human beings), and among humans in the amount of grace they seem to get.

The most graced among human persons is the Blessed Virgin Mary. The rest of us are much lower down the ladder.

But this doesn’t mean that some of us have little value in God’s view. Suffice it to say that God “wills everyone to be saved and to come to knowledge of the truth” (1 Timothy 2:4). So we all get the necessary “seed of openness.”

Yet, Jesus cautions us, “To anyone who has, more will be given and he will grow rich; from anyone who has not, even what he has will be taken away” (Matthew 13:12). It’s a reminder that whether we are given a little or a lot of grace, we can attain heaven if we say yes to God.

We see a similar dynamic in other areas. Let’s take the field of medicine.

Let’s imagine Joe. Joe never had the skill or interest to study medicine. Yet other people have had the right talents, and used them to produce wonder drugs and treatments.

Joe can benefit from those wonder drugs and treatments, but only if he goes to his doctor and follows the doctor’s advice. Joe’s limited knowledge of medicine doesn’t bar him from taking advantage of the fruits of medical research. But if Joe is lazy or indifferent about his health, he will suffer the consequences. What little he has been given will be taken from him.

We can see the same dynamic in the spiritual realm.

There are simple people who have a deep faith, in part because they make time for prayer and Mass and the sacraments. Others, however, might have little or no faith, in part because they have chosen to squander their time and energy on frivolous things and paid little heed to the things of God.

At the last judgment we will find out how everyone used the graces that God bestowed on each one. Then, we will witness God’s great mercy as well as his justice and how they all fit in the hierarchy of his plans.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: What If I and My Boyfriend Had a Fall?”

Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and we care for each other deeply, but I regret sharing our virginities with each other. We had all of our first experiences together and we truly felt connected, but I have so much regret for some reason. I feel as though he can’t possibly be able to love me now that I’m not a virgin anymore. I know what I did was a sin and I went to confession. What can I do to cope with this regret after repenting, and what action can I take from here on out? Even if I marry my boyfriend, will the consummation of our marriage not be as special? Due to my fornication, will I be unable to fully love? I’m really scared. – Angie

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is good that you recognized your mistake and that you sought out confession.

It is good to remember that love is an act of the will, not the emotions. What you and your friend decide in the future will be acts of the will. So, yes, you can “fully love” if you commit to it and are open to God’s grace.

Moreover, if your friend is baptized, your marriage in the Church would be sacramental and bring a special grace to help you and him grow in holiness.

Will the wedding night be as special as it could have been? Maybe not. But if the thought of that saddens you, let it be a motivation to live a life of holiness from here on out. If the sadness leaves you depressed and anxious and paralyzed, that feeling isn’t coming from the Holy Spirit.

God has forgiven you, and he can bring something good out of the mistakes you made. Perhaps it will help you to appreciate purity more. Perhaps it will motivate you to encourage others to remain virgins before marriage.

You and your friend will especially want to set firm boundaries for yourselves. Try to plan your time together well. Aim to be in public places, and avoid ending up together in an empty apartment or house for long periods. Dress modestly.

Encourage each other in prayer. Have frequent recourse to the sacraments. Stay close to the Blessed Virgin Mary through the rosary, and make that resolution to stay on the course of holiness.

And take courage in the example of others in Church history who had their falls in chastity but who later gave themselves over to God. If the once-wild Augustine could become a saint, you can, too.

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Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type your question HERE and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: May My Non-Catholic Friend Go to Confession?”

Q: I have a close friend who has told me she slept with someone. Should I tell/recommend that she go to confession? This friend is a recent Muslim convert to non-denominational Christianity. However, she is still figuring out which church she wants to stick with. She once asked me if she could try out confession with me, and so I brought her to confession with me before any of this happened. She liked it and said she might try it again. I know she feels guilty about what she did because when she first brought it up she talked about hell, like she was going there. I’m worried for her soul. Is this reasonable? Am I being irresponsible for not offering to go to confession with her again or is it not my place to say anything to her at all? I worry so much for her because I remember my own experience with premarital sexual actions and how long that weighed on my conscience before I actually got around to confession. I eventually had to be told to go to confession; however, she’s such a new Christian, and I don’t want to cross boundaries. What should I do? – M.L.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s admirable that you are trying to help your friend. She obviously has a conscience and seems to be seeking the truth.

It would be good to remember, though, that since she isn’t Catholic, she really can’t take advantage of the sacrament of confession. (She could in an extreme case, but that’s another issue.)

She would first need to receive instruction in the faith. Later, if she decides to join the Church, she could go to confession, be confirmed, and receive Communion. But let’s not rush things for the moment.

First, you might encourage her to try to make a perfect act of contrition (sorrow for having offended God).

If she is attracted to confession, then you might encourage her to look into the Catholic faith. Depending on her age, she could enter an RCIA program at a local parish.

In the meantime, you might want to encourage her by reading the Youth Catechism (or YouCat) together. Along the way, the question of chastity and sexual ethics will likely come up. That would be a good time to answer her questions.

Helpful, too, would be for the both of you to watch together our Retreat Guide on confession: “From Sorrow to Joy.”

It sounds as though she already realizes the sinfulness of what she did. Maybe you and her and other friends could look to pursue activities that will help her avoid falling into the same sin again. As you deepen your friendship with her, it will be easier (we hope) to talk about moral issues.

So this could be a great opportunity for you to share your faith as well as to grow in it. That would be the mark of a true friend.

You might want to intensify your prayers for your friend, and ask the Blessed Virgin Mary for assistance. Count on my prayers.

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Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type your question HERE and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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“Ask a Priest: What If Dad Doesn’t Believe in Purgatory?”

Q: My dad is a practicing Catholic and goes to church every Sunday, helps with Mass and in the past helped with RCIA. But he doesn’t believe in purgatory. Will he go to hell if he doesn’t believe the Church teaching on purgatory? He also doesn’t think you have to confess your sins to a priest. I am very concerned about these very important Church teachings and my dad’s soul. – K.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: God alone knows the heart and soul of each person, so it’s not for any of us to say who is headed for perdition.

Perhaps your dad was exposed to bad catechesis somewhere in the past, and faulty ideas sank deep roots in him.

Some people get to the point of having what we call invincible ignorance. This means they are clueless about something, and anything contrary to what they believe simply doesn’t sink in. This can happen with people.

If would be unfortunate if he had a role in instructing people in the RCIA and passed on faulty information about purgatory. Even worse would have been his telling people they didn’t need to go to confession. But that’s another issue.

It’s possible that your dad is trying to live the faith as best he knows how. There might be a lot of good will here, especially if he attends Mass every Sunday.

So what might you do?

First, pray for him.

Second, considering leaving pamphlets and short books around the house that explain the faith, especially materials on confession and the last things (death, judgment, heaven and hell). You might look for opportunities to share with him how the sacrament of confession has helped you. You can do this without appearing to lecture him.

Third, you might want to do a little research on purgatory and the need for confession. A few possible resources would be articles on purgatory in the Bible, and a related video; as well as articles on confession.

Also helpful might be our Retreat Guides on confession and purgatory.

All this might help you pass on to your dad a knowledge of the Catholic faith that he tried to pass on to you.

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest

Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type your question HERE and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: What If Nasty Photos of Me Circulated Online?”

Q: I found out last year that sensitive photos of me have circulated online. It has only been two years since I took those photos. It hurts so much, even until now. I know I’m not only hurting myself and my future, but also my family (they know nothing about it). I’m not strong enough to tell them. Please help me pray for myself, since that’s all I can do now instead of telling someone about it. I no longer consider killing myself because of it because that would put more shame on my family. All I can do is hope and pray to God that those photos of me will never reach my family and friends. Please help me. – E.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Thanks for your courageous note. It is good that you are no longer thinking of harming yourself – you are valuable in God’s eyes.

What is done is done. We can’t change the past, but we can choose the direction we want to follow from now on.

It is good to remember that the most important relationship in your life is with God. If your relationship with him is OK, that is fundamental for your peace of mind. So, it would be good to take advantage of the sacrament of confession if you haven’t done so yet.

Part of the process of repentance is the resolution to change your life accordingly. If you have cut ties with anything from the past that led to the photos, that is good.

From this day forward it would be good to focus on your identity as a daughter of God. You can’t lose his love. Knowing this is crucial to helping you understand your dignity.

You might find inspiration in the lives of the saints. A number of saints had less than stellar résumés before their conversion.

Augustine (died 430) had had a son out of wedlock. Olga (died 969) had been known for her cruelty. Ignatius of Loyola (died 1556) had certainly not been a Boy Scout in his days as a soldier.

The key thing is that you have lots of reason for hope, no matter what happened in the past.

Take things one day at a time. With a solid life of prayer and the sacraments, devotion to Mary through the rosary, acts of charity, and a bit of spiritual direction, possibly in the confessional, you can progress toward holiness.

The Holy Spirit will give you strength to not worry about what the world thinks of you. Nevertheless, if ever those thoughts about harming yourself return, you might to reach out and speak with someone.

You might also want to take a look at our free Retreat Guide, “Troubled Hearts.”

I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest

Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type your question HERE and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!