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“Ask a Priest: Should I Speak Up If I Think Someone Is Considering an Abortion?”

May 20, 2022 / Ask a Priest, Moral and Social Issues

Q: I am the supervisor of a young woman who just found out the baby she is carrying has Down syndrome. She is not Catholic (I don’t know if she was raised in any faith). I suspect, although she has not told me her plans and has not asked my advice, that she will be seeking to terminate the pregnancy. If she were a young non-work friend of mine, I would be willing to ask her plans and to try to convey to her that abortion is taking the life of her innocent unborn child. However, I am her supervisor in a very secular work setting, and my boss has already warned me that “you can’t say anything to her.” If I find out after the fact that she has, indeed, had an abortion, is my silence a participation in this sin? – M.D.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Since you only suspect that the young woman is thinking of abortion, you might not want to jump to conclusions yet.

But let’s say for the sake of argument that your hunch is right. What might you do?

As we are our brother’s (and sister’s) keeper, you might try to find a way to contact this young woman outside of work hours and offer to support her personally (not professionally) with the pregnancy and the challenges of having a baby.

I doubt that your boss has a right to control what you tell people outside of work hours.

Even on the job, you could make sure that she is familiar with the company’s maternity policy, which might spur further discussion on her part. As you get to know her situation better, you could offer (outside of work hours) testimony to the Gospel of life in a way she would understand.

In any case, your reaching out to her might be the only chance for this baby.

Maybe you could look at inspiring stories about people with Down syndrome, such as:

https://www.pillarcatholic.com/p/the-church-and-down-syndrome

https://newmansociety.org/how-this-catholic-school-welcomes-children-with-down-syndrome/

You might want to intensify your prayer for this young woman.

And imagine if you don’t say anything … and the worst happens. You might regret your silence for a long time.

It might be providential that you are in this woman’s life, even in a small way. She has a right to hear the message about the Gospel of Life. And you could be God’s chosen instrument to bring it to her.

Count on my prayers.

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“Ask a Priest: What If a Co-worker Is a Chatterbox and Lies?”

June 15, 2021 / Ask a Priest, General

Q: I work with a difficult co-worker who can talk constantly about frivolous things, is overly dramatic, nosy and lies. I find it a struggle to deal with her. Most of the time, I remain silent when she is talking. She repeats the same stories all day long. My job can be intense — I give cancer patients’ their radiation treatment so I do need to focus. I have a hard time because I feel I have nothing to say back to her regarding her stories. Am I sinning if I remain silent? I notice I can be gloomy around her because her constant chatter bothers me. Any advice for me? – D.D.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: People who chatter constantly and lie a lot probably have deep-rooted problems.

It’s a reminder that the people who suffer the most aren’t always people in hospital beds. She probably has things she is wrestling with.

In that sense she probably needs a lot of help. Perhaps the best thing is to pray for her. And if keeping silent with her helps you, fine.

Then again, when you see an opportune moment to raise the level of conversation, you might do so. “Yes, that is interesting … that reminds me of something I read in the Gospel this morning. Jesus says such-and-such … don’t you agree?” Do that often enough, and it might either help to raise her level of conversation, or keep her at arm’s length.

If her chatter distracts you during your work, you might want to speak with a supervisor. The constant chatter could put patients at risk if it is distracting you in the middle of work.

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Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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“Ask a Priest: What If My Co-worker Gets on My Nerves?”

May 21, 2021 / Ask a Priest, General

Q: I’m a new Catholic. At work, my ambulance partner often does things that get under my skin or she intentionally tries to get on my nerves. She has told me that I was a bad partner. Some days she doesn’t even talk to me for the whole 14-hour shift. I’ve found that this often leads me into the trap of becoming resentful and asking things like, “If you don’t like working with me, why haven’t you asked for a new partner?” She also used to be a Catholic, but has since rejected it and, knowing Catholic doctrine, intentionally points out beautiful nurses in hospitals as a joke to tempt me into sin. Is my resentfulness at points and my sometimes passive-aggressive behavior in frustration mortal sin, over and over again? – A.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: I’m sorry to hear about the situation. The fact that your partner is a fallen-away Catholic, gives you the silent treatment for 14 hours at a stretch, and tries to tempt you about the nurses, is a sign that she has deep problems of her own.

I won’t try to guess what those problems might be. But perhaps a few observations might help.

First, try to remember that your partner is a beloved daughter of God. Jesus suffered and died for her on a cross, and he only wants her happiness and holiness. This will help you to view her from Our Lord’s perspective and with more compassion.

Second, it’s no coincidence that you are her work partner. Perhaps Our Lord has you by her side to influence her in a positive way. So, you want to see her as someone who needs to be evangelized.

Your charity could help bring her back to the faith. Your e-mail implies that she tempts you precisely because she knows you are Catholic, and a new one at that. Catholicism might still mean something to her. Her “humor” might be a way of trying to ease her own conscience about her relationship with the faith.

Third, and this follows on the previous point: try to see this woman as part of your mission in life. You are here to bring her the love of Christ.

God doesn’t allow difficulties in our life unless he can bring something good out of it. This partner, oddly enough, could be your path to holiness. “Do not be conquered by evil but conquer evil with good” (Romans 12:21).

Fourth, try to be objective and see if there is anything you might be doing that rubbed your partner the wrong way. You mention that she said you were a bad partner.

What does all of the above mean in practice?

It means praying for her each day. It means being proactive in your charity with her. You might thank her or compliment her on little things she does during the day — the extra service she shows toward a patient, for instance.

Make a point of not saying anything negative toward her. Try to maintain an atmosphere of Christ-like love as much as possible.

As for your passive aggressive behavior: Try to work on fortitude and assertiveness. Avoid the temptation to do anything that seems sneaky or underhanded. Instead, say what needs to be said, gently but firmly. And be quick to apologize when you are at fault.

If you need to take anything to the confessional, by all means do so.

As for the gravity of the sin in every situation, that is hard to tell. Suffice it to say by trying to cultivate your prayer life and sacramental life, and by working on charity, you will open yourself to God’s grace and go a long way in taming the anger.

One other consideration: Your ability to work as a team could impact the quality of care you give to patients. If the tensions drag on, you might want to approach your supervisor about a change of partner, at least for the sake of the patients.

In any case, you can still pray for your partner. That can help to bring the healing she needs.

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“Ask a Priest: What If I’m Surrounded by Unhappy Co-workers?”

February 9, 2018 / Ask a Priest, General, Virtue

Q: I am employed in a temporary position over the summer, and my office is filled with unhappy people. I’m doing my best to keep a positive attitude and to find strength in God, but I’m having a hard time keeping the negativity out of my personal life. I am an education student and all I want to do is teach. I want to help kids grow in their knowledge and thrive in our ever-changing world, but my job is filled with people who never did — or could — find a passion as I found in teaching. The longer I stay around my co-workers, the harder I find it to seek out God for comfort and strength. It has me questioning everything about my life — not just my faith, but my purpose. Why did God put me in this job if not to help my co-workers to hate their jobs less? I wish there was a priest in my community whom I could turn to, but I’ve never been to church outside of school functions and would feel out of place going to a service. I’ve been keeping my faith as much as possible, but I end up feeling more alone. Thank you for any advice you can give me. – M.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Our Lord might have allowed this cross in your life right now to help you grow in your faith — not lose it!

We can tell our faith is strong when it doesn’t get shaken very easily.

Perhaps this experience of being around unhappy people can serve a few purposes.

First, it gives you the chance to go deeper in your relation with Christ and to realize that he ultimately is the only source of your happiness. At best we will find a relative, limited happiness in this world. Our happiness shouldn’t depend on other people in the sense that we allow their problems to sour our outlook on life.

Second, it gives you even more insight into human nature. It can give you more motivation to help your current and future students base their lives on something solid and worthwhile — that is, faith in God and selfless love for other people.

Third, think of this office as a classroom – and you are the student. It would help to look for ways to consciously keep a positive attitude. One suggestion is to always speak positively of everyone. Never get involved in gossip or backbiting.

Also, remember that this summer job is only a temporary situation. There are plenty of teachers out there who have the passion that you have. In God’s providence, you will likely meet some of them along your journey. Keeping your passion strong in the face of this difficulty could be a way to purify and strengthen it, to make you more convinced and more courageous.

Fourth, and this is related to the first point, this office situation might be a motivation for you to connect with a church community. Being part of a faith community is crucial for nourishing the faith. We are meant to form a family united in Christ. So if the negativity of the office seems overwhelming, try to reach out to people who will support you — such as a parish. Until you find a real-life faith community, you might find it useful to explore some of our other resources designed to help people like you grow in their faith and deepen their spiritual lives, such as our Retreat Guide on “The Complete Christian: A Retreat Guide on the Calling of the Twelve Apostles,” for example.

In the meantime it would be good to pray for your co-workers daily, and to let them know in subtle ways that you are concerned for them. This might help sow a few seeds that could change their outlook on life. The kind of thing you will be doing as a teacher countless times.

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co-worker

“Ask a Priest: Should I Speak Up If I Think Someone Is Considering an Abortion?”

Got a question? Need an answer?

“Ask a Priest: What If a Co-worker Is a Chatterbox and Lies?”

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“Ask a Priest: What If My Co-worker Gets on My Nerves?”

Got a question? Need an answer?

“Ask a Priest: What If I’m Surrounded by Unhappy Co-workers?”

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta