Cancer

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Mom Died, Dad Is Failing — Is God Punishing Me?”

Q: I lost my mother suddenly at the start of the year, and my father, who has terminal lung cancer, barely opens his eyes anymore. I have prayed and prayed and prayed for a miracle for him (and before his health took a turn I included my mother in those prayers as she was still living). I feel like I’m not being heard or that God has more important things to deal with than the likes of me. I am an only child and was born to older parents. For over 10 years I was their caretaker, and now at the age of 29 I feel my life, my purpose, slipping through my hands like sand in an hourglass. Did I do something to enrage God to put such a plight on both of my parents? I do believe, I do pray, but perhaps I am just not worthy. What could I have done to have both of my parents taken from me so soon in my life? My mother was very sudden, but my father … he lingers. I don’t know how much more I can take. – R.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: I’m sorry to hear about the passing of your mom and the ill health of your dad.

Your life has certainly not been without purpose. Your prayers and dedication to Mom and Dad are a great sign that God’s grace has been working in you.

The presence of suffering in the world can shake our faith at times. But when we look at the crucifix, we are reminded that suffering can have a redemptive meaning. Suffering is also a sure sign of love – Jesus’ love for us, yours for your parents.

You mustn’t think that God has abandoned you. You are his beloved daughter, and he is as close to you now as ever.

A mystery of our faith is that God has a way of testing those he loves the most. Just think of the Blessed Virgin Mary and the heartache she endured on Calvary.

Your fidelity to your parents in their declining years is a great witness of charity and family solidarity. We need more of that in the world.

Also, the need to help your parents these past years has probably helped you to grow in a lot of ways. I can imagine that you have a big heart and that your values aren’t centered on the frivolous things of this world. Not all of your contemporaries could say the same thing.

This would be a good moment to double-down on your prayer life. Try to see that Jesus is allowing you to share his cross in a profound way.

You do, however, want to try to look after your own psychological well-being. This means trying to network with others, and looking to maintain some semblance of a social life. Your life certainly isn’t over. And it hasn’t been wasted.

You have been loyal to your parents. You have stood by them in their time of difficulty. You have honored the Fourth Commandment. In a word, you have loved in the deepest sense.

My guess is that God is giving you the grace to become a saint. “If you knew the gift of God” (John 4:10).

Again, try to look for chances to network and socialize with others. You need a sense of community outside the home. To this end, “The Complete Christian: A Retreat Guide on the Calling of the Twelve Apostles” might help. Count on my prayers.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: How Should a Cancer Patient Pray?”

Q: I am a Catholic from Ireland. Since being diagnosed with recurrent cancer in February 2016 my faith has gotten stronger. I have been told by the doctors that I have incurable cancer, but I believe that Jesus is in the process of healing me. I am going through chemo at the moment, but I have no side effects and I am feeling great. My scan results keep showing that my tumor is shrinking. I am so grateful for life now as I’ve been through so much for two years. My experience has drawn me closer to God. Everything is looking up for me. I pray every day and night to the Man above. Question 1: Do you think I should start praying the rosary? I just pray my own prayers to God. I make them up as I go along as if I am having a conversation with him, but I always say other prayers that I’ve written out from prayer books, Internet, etc. Is this enough or should I be saying the rosary and Divine Mercy [chaplet] also? Question 2: I am thinking on fasting a day next week. Is it good to fast once in a while? Question 3: I go to confession now once a month. Is that enough? Question 4: Is it OK to watch preacher-televangelists on YouTube? They talk about the Bible and how to be saved. They have helped me understand so much and helped my mood greatly. – F.C.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: God love you! I am sorry to hear about your cancer, though the news of the treatments is encouraging. It sounds as though this illness has brought you closer to Jesus. This is a sign of how God can bring something good out of something bad. (When I Am Weak, Then I Am Strong is a Retreat Guide that may help to bring you continued strength and encouragement!)

Let me try to answer your questions succinctly.

Regarding the rosary: Praying the rosary is a beautiful tradition in the Church. (Learn more with The River of Wisdom: A Retreat Guide on the Rosary). It unites us with the Blessed Virgin Mary, who was so much a part of the life of Jesus. By all means, if you feel drawn to pray it, pray it. As for the other prayers: If your normal way of praying is kind of a conversation with God, that is wonderful. Prayer should be a lifting of our hearts to him. Our faith is really about our relationship with God. He loves you deeply; you are his beloved daughter.

You might want to explore the tradition of Christian meditation as a way to continue going deeper in your prayer life. A helpful resource is “The Better Part,” in book form or in App form. You can learn more about it HERE.

Regarding the fasting: Given your physical condition, it might not be advisable to fast. I won’t rule it out completely, but for various reasons, I would rather encourage you to just make time for prayer, the sacraments and, as you can, works of charity for others. Accepting and offering to God the suffering and inconveniences you experience as a result of your cancer are also a way to engage in fasting, in a wide sense, because that can help unite you more fully to Christ and his cross.

Regarding confession: Monthly confession is good. Feel free to go more often. The sacrament always gives a special grace, which can help you to become a saint.

Regarding the televangelists on YouTube: If you referring to non-Catholics, then it is good to be aware that some of their views will differ significantly from Church teachings, including “how to be saved.” While they might draw excellent insights from Scripture, their worldview will not include Catholic notions such as the sacraments (especially confession and the Eucharist) or the intercession of Mary and the saints – which most definitely help us on the path to salvation.

You could easily find Catholic preachers and scholars on the Internet. Scott Hahn, for example, has helped launch a website on Scripture found HERE. We also have a library of online, do-it-yourself retreats here at RCSpirituality.org. Just go to the “Retreat Guide” section. EWTN also has various YouTube channels with their television shows.

I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers. I wish you well with the medical treatment.

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest

Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!