Beliefs

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: I Feel Drawn Back to the Church, But What If My Husband Resists?”

Q: I was raised Catholic and my husband was raised Pentecostal. Before getting married, we decided to compromise and go to a non-denominational Christian church because neither of us wanted to convert to the other’s religion. We have a great marriage and have been attending our new church regularly. But I am unhappy. I am pregnant with our first child and I desperately miss the Catholic Church. I have become depressed over the thought of our son not being baptized and raised Catholic. My husband does not believe in infant baptism. He also doesn’t believe in the Trinity. He reads the Bible daily and prays more than anyone I know. I feel that if he really understood Catholicism, he would love it, but I don’t know how to make that happen. He feels betrayed now for me even bringing up the Catholic Church again. With each day that passes, I keep praying he will change his mind, but what if he never does? I cry all the time and am so sad over the issue that I worry if the stress will harm the baby. What can I do? –S.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Thanks for your note. It is good that you feel a desire to return to the practice of the Catholic faith and to raise your children in the faith. That means the Holy Spirit is working in your heart.

You mention that you have a “great marriage.” A really great marriage is one that would help you grow in your faith and your union with Christ. That means living the fullness of the faith as best you can.

Part of that living of the faith means to trust that God’s grace is at work in your life and that this painful situation is not outside of God’s providence. You can continue to love your husband fully even as you begin to take steps that could bring you back to the fullness of the Catholic faith and the grace of the sacraments.

That said, there are several issues you would need to deal with.

First, since you married outside the Catholic Church, your marriage isn’t recognized by the Church. Here the question arises about how your children would be raised in the Catholic faith if you yourself are in an irregular situation.

Second, notwithstanding his intense prayer life and Bible reading, your husband apparently doesn’t embrace the core belief of the Christian faith: that God is a Trinity of three Persons. This is an odd position for a self-styled Christian. That, and your husband’s opposition to infant baptism, would indicate that there is a deep chasm between your beliefs and his.

Perhaps it would be good to reconsider your position about the Catholic Church. Your instincts seem to be telling you that your current denomination isn’t satisfying. That is understandable. The Catholic Church guards the fullness of God’s revelation in Christ, including the sacraments.

It might be good to consider attending Mass again, or at least talking with a priest at a local parish. You might not be able to change your husband, but you can change your own course. The first man of your life is Christ, not your husband. Jesus is your redeemer. If you stay close to him, all the other relationships in your life will find their proper place.

If you want your baby baptized in the faith, the ideal path would be this: Seek to get your marriage recognized by the Church; make a good confession; and return to the life of the sacraments. (For more reading on helping your marriage, see the For Your Marriage site.)

In the meantime keep praying for your husband. And count on being included in one of my Mass intentions, OK?

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: How Can I Help a Non-believing Sibling?”

Q: I come from a family of deeply committed Anglican Christians. My great aunts never missed church and at my request began taking me to Sunday services from time to time as a child. Unfortunately, my mother and father who lead good lives influenced by Christian values never really took a great interest in either mine or my brother’s spiritual development. This didn’t bother me greatly — until around two years ago. Since then I have become increasingly more aware of my beliefs. My feet are itching, and I feel that Christ is making himself known to me in so many ways. I find that I am almost constantly thinking about God, theology, morality, what I can and should be doing for others, and just wanting to learn more about the faith. I am not part of any church, nor was I baptized, which I feel puts me at some disadvantage. My question is about my younger brother, who is 17 and a non-believer. How can I help guide him? I feel that reciting Scripture would make him feel alienated and as if I was being judgmental. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated. -J.C.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is very clear that God is at work in your life. The “itchy feet” are, I surmise, a result of his own pursuit of you. He created you, redeemed you, and has a wonderful dream for your life. You are not indifferent to him. As Francis Thomson wrote, the Lord is like the “Hound of Heaven” who pursues us, out of love, “down the nights and down the days.” I hope you keep seeking to respond to all that he is doing in your life.

As regards your specific question, there is an old expression, “You can’t give what you don’t have.” What that means in practice is that, in order to give your non-believing brother something about Christianity, you need to have a grasp of it yourself.

Jesus Christ is the full revelation of God to man. That is why Christianity has a lot of the answers to the questions that unsettle the human heart. The gateway into Christianity is through baptism.

You might want to work on your own spiritual life first, and in the meantime pray for your brother and continue to be for him what you believe a big brother should be. This means building a relationship with God. This is the same as building a relationship with Jesus, the Son of God who took on human nature and suffered and died for us.

So you want to get to know Jesus better. One way is through the Gospels. Another would be to spend time in front of the Blessed Sacrament in a Catholic church. The Blessed Sacrament (also called the Eucharist) is Christ truly present.

You might consider doing a few of the online retreats at RCSpiritualty.org. Further suggestions include making time for prayer each day. The Better Part, by my colleague Father John Bartunek, is a good book to help you learn to pray.

Moreover, you might try looking at the Catechism of the Catholic Church or its Compendium. These give excellent overviews of all the important facets of the Catholic faith.

At some point, you might want to consider asking for baptism. In the Catholic Church that would normally come for adults after the RCIA program.

Take some of these steps, and the Holy Spirit will guide you. Then you might find that you have more to offer your brother.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Couldn’t the New Testament Be Made Up?”

Q: I was brought up Jewish but I was never religious. I used to believe in God, but when I was about 15 (I’m 18 now) I turned to deism, and then atheism/agnosticism. Recently I have felt God’s presence, and so I’m trying to figure out my beliefs and what is right. However, sometimes I wonder if I am just trying to convince myself that God exists, out of comfort and fitting in. I’ve recently been looking into Christianity, but I’m having a lot of trouble. First, the evidence of Jesus performing miracles. I know it is stated in the Bible, but wouldn’t what the writers say be biased? Perhaps they wrote about Jesus performing miracles and rising from the dead because they wanted to keep people interested and believing in Jesus. (I don’t mean to be offensive, sorry if I have offended you.) Second, some Christian beliefs confuse me. For starters, do Christians believe Jesus is the son of God? This confuses me, as monotheistic religions believe there is one God; would God having a son be a contradiction of this? And worshipping Jesus, like a statue of Jesus, isn’t that worshipping idols? I thought that was also against Christian beliefs. Furthermore, what does the phrase “Jesus sacrificed himself for our sins” mean? Christians, and people of other religions, still sin today? So, let’s say a Christian murdered someone. Wouldn’t he still go to hell? Or would he not, because Jesus died? Finally, why don’t Christians do Jewish festivals? Christianity grew out of Judaism, half the Bible is the Old Testament, and Jesus himself was Jewish. Sorry for this really long e-mail, I would really appreciate any help. -E.D.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Thanks for your note. It sounds as if God is giving you some great graces, as he tries to nudge you closer to his embrace. You are a beloved daughter of God, and he only wants the best for you.

Your questions show that you are thinking deeply about Our Lord. That is a good sign. It is good, too, that you are asking questions; Our Lord wants you to use both your intellect and your heart to find him.

Permit me to try to answer your questions succinctly.

Regarding the biblical account of Jesus’ miracles (and don’t worry, your question doesn’t offend me!), a proper answer could fill a book. Suffice it to offer a few observations.

First, it is good to remember that the New Testament is the product of a believing community. The texts had credibility in antiquity because there were a lot of eyewitnesses still running around. Hence there were folks who could corroborate the stories of the miracles and the resurrection.

Now, there are other religions and cultures that have produced texts that speak of extraordinary things – so what makes the New Testament credible? One big reason might be this: Many of the folks who believed in the miracles of Jesus and his resurrection were willing to die for their beliefs. Most of the apostles were martyred. Peter was crucified upside down. Bartholomew reportedly was skinned alive. Paul was beheaded. You get the idea. This doesn’t prove the New Testament stories, but it does indicate that many folks sincerely believed in the events, enough to accept martyrdom.

Another key point, at least for the resurrection, was that no one ever produced the body of Jesus. All we had was the empty tomb. Without the resurrection of Jesus, the whole edifice of Christianity collapses.

You raise questions about specific Christian beliefs. The core mystery of Christianity is the Trinity, or triune God. There is only one God – the same God of the Jews and Muslims. What God revealed in the New Testament is that he is three divine Persons in one God.

“Persons” is a word that philosophers and theologians had to invent in order to explain the Trinity. A “Person” in God is, in theological terms, a subsistent relation. Each relation is something real, it is not what (in philosophical terms) an accident. Your best friend, say, is Susan. Today Susan has blond hair; tomorrow she dyes it and ends up with black hair. Her hair color is an accident, but her essence (her “Susan-ness”) remains the same.

Now, the relations within God are not mere accidents; they are Persons. The Father is God, the Son is God, the Holy Spirit is God. All three Persons have the same divine nature, which is why there is only one God.

Don’t worry if you can’t get your mind around this – no one really can. It is a mystery beyond our comprehension. And that in itself is one reason to believe it isn’t a human invention – even the sharpest philosopher would have never dreamt up something like the Trinity.

Closely linked to this mystery is the Incarnation, that is, the Second Person of the Trinity (the Son of God) took on human nature and walked among us. This is Jesus.

We make use of images to help remind us of Jesus. We don’t worship the image, we worship Jesus. It is akin to a man who has a photo of his wife and children on his desk. He loves his wife and kids – he doesn’t love the photo. But the photo reminds him of the ones he loves. Our use of images doesn’t violate the commandment against worshipping idols, since we don’t worship the image. Moreover, Jesus himself is a living icon or image of the invisible God. So there’s no problem with images of Jesus.

Regarding sin: To sin means to offend an infinitely good God. We are finite creatures. This means we finite creatures can never really make up for our offenses against an infinitely good God. Only God could make up for an offense against God. That is why the Son of God came into the world – he suffered and died for our redemption, to make up for our sins.

This doesn’t mean that we are guaranteed heaven. We still have to do our part. People indeed sin today; we see the results all around us. A Christian who murdered someone and was unrepentant would risk going to hell. If he repents, then he can be saved. But even there, his redemption depends on the redemptive work of Jesus.

Now, why don’t Christians “do Jewish festivals”?

The answer could be something like this. Jesus fulfills the Old Testament. He is the messiah that the Old Testament pointed to and awaited.

Christianity fulfills Judaism, in part by elevating the Old Testament signs and practices and feasts. Baptism, for instance, is prefigured by the Flood in the account of Noah, and in the crossing of the Red Sea. The death that was brought by the Flood and the parting of the Red Sea prefigures the death to sin that baptism brings about. (“Death to sin” means it takes away original sin and any actual sins that a person has on her soul.)

Besides, Jesus himself said, “Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets. I have come not to abolish but to fulfill” (Matthew 5:17).

Many of the Old Testament festivals no longer needed to be observed because a new set of liturgical practices, etc., replaced them.

For more reading you might check out Salvation Is From the Jews. For an overview on philosophy of religion, Peter Kreeft has an insightful audio course, Faith and Reason. You might be able to get the CD’s through your local library system.

I hope some of this helps. Count on being included in my prayers.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: How Does a Priest Know What He Believes Is True?”

Q: How do you know that what you believe is right? The devil confuses people and tells them all kind of lies. So as a priest, how do you know that what you believe is correct and not just another lie? I mean no disrespect. -D.W.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Thanks for your note. Yours is one of the great questions that everyone has to grapple with in his own life. How can we be sure of what we believe? Scripture warns us, “Do not trust every spirit but test the spirits to see whether they belong to God” (1 John 4:1).

So how do I know that what I believe is correct? The short answer is: I see what the Church says.

God is truth. He “can neither deceive nor be deceived” (Catechism, No. 156). In other words, God won’t contradict himself. So he won’t reveal one thing to the Church and then reveal to me something that contradicts what he revealed to the Church. That would be confusion — a telltale sign of the devil’s presence.

What my reliance on the Church means in practice is this: When I tentatively embrace a belief or opinion, I can try to check its validity by looking at what the Church says on the topic. If my tentative view matches what the Church says, or at least doesn’t contradict what the Church teaches, then I can be reasonably sure that I’m heading in the right direction.

But this, in turn, raises an obvious question. How do I know what the Church teaches is true?

Here I could research and discover that Church teaching does not contradict Scripture. I could also look at Church documents over the centuries to see if there is continuity in the teaching. Church documents have lots of footnotes referring to earlier ecclesial documents. Ultimately, though, I trust the Church because I trust Christ; he founded it, and the Holy Spirit guides it.

This doesn’t mean, however, that the Church has an easy answer for everything. Life isn’t that simple. In fact, the Church admits its limitations. Vatican II’s pastoral constitution, Gaudium et Spes, says, “The Church guards the heritage of God’s word and draws from it moral and religious principles without always having at hand the solution to particular problems” (No. 33).

That was written in 1965. The world has gotten a lot more complicated since then. So grappling with modern-day problems takes prudence, prayer, and research.

A practical criterion that helps is this: Whatever is true is reasonable. Faith and reason go together; God invented both, so they won’t contradict each other. Some points of the faith go beyond what reason can discover (such as the Trinity), but they are not unreasonable. That is a fine distinction.

The truth is like a path through a forest. It takes two feet to walk the path – in this case, the foot of faith and the foot of reason. By alternating between faith and reason, we find that we can go deeper into the forest and experience it better.

I could go on, but perhaps this reply would answer your question in a sufficient way. Feel free to send further questions if you have them. (For more reading on God’s revelation of truth, and how the Church discerns it, see the Vatican II dogmatic constitution Dei Verbum). I hope this helps.

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!