Q: My question (I think) concerns fraternal correction and cooperating with sin. For context, both my parents have passed away, and one of my closest living relatives, an aunt, lives in the Midwest. I live in Texas. I was confirmed a few years ago, and my first visit to her since then was last summer. My aunt is “married” to a fallen-away Catholic (let’s call him Joe). Both have been married before. My aunt’s first husband recently died. To my knowledge my aunt was never confirmed, so I’ve focused my attention more on Joe, who hasn’t been to confession in over 30 years and has better understanding of the faith. During my visit, I tried to talk to him about the faith, but he won’t listen to me since I’ve only been Catholic for a few years. I’ve tried to mention vaguely that I don’t support divorce and remarriage but never addressed their situation specifically. My question is: What is my obligation to say something? Do I need to say something before I visit them again so it doesn’t appear that I approve of the situation? If so, do you have any advice on what to say? — S.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: You want to avoid anything that implies consent for your aunt and Joe’s objectively gravely sinful domestic situation.
Here you would need to ask yourself whether your lodging under their roof implies your support for their situation.
It’s understandable that you want to keep in touch with your aunt, especially after the loss of your parents. And this might be an opportunity to help your aunt grow in her faith.
The sacrament of confirmation that you received gives you the grace to proclaim and defend the faith more boldly. Perhaps it is divine providence that brought you closer to your aunt’s orbit.
It might be good to begin a dialogue with her about the beauty of marriage and the need for unions to be blessed by God (through the Church). A U.S. bishops’ conference webpage has materials that might equip you with the right vocabulary.
You might ask your aunt if Joe has considered seeking an annulment and whether they would consider seeking a convalidation (“blessing”) of their union if the annulment is granted.
You might want to prepare for this dialogue ahead of your next visit.
In either case, at least you and she and Joe will know where everyone stands.
The alternative (not recommended) is to sweep things under the carpet and pretend there’s no problem. My guess is that you wouldn’t be at peace with that.
In the meantime, it would be good to intensify your prayers for your aunt and Joe. The Holy Spirit will be there to help.
