Q: I had my baby safely a few months ago, thank God. Now, I am looking for spiritual advice on how to handle a family matter. My infant son was baptized, and my in-laws attacked us for it, chose not to come, and sent a lot of offensive messages to my husband, a recent convert to Catholicism. They have been this way for a long time. I haven’t struggled much being charitable, but now that it impacted my son negatively and our parenting, I have taken it with a lot of anger which is unlike me. I am trying to get past it, but I am hesitant to let them get access to the boy. This family unfortunately has a lot of unsettling spiritual issues. Our Lord says forgive, but what about the day to day — how does a parent draw lines in the sand? I want to move forward in a way that will prevent me from sinning, but I am also protective of my baby. – D.M.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: Congratulations on the new baby! God has blessed you abundantly.
I’m sorry to hear about the in-laws. Indeed, it sounds as though they have a lot of unsettling spiritual issues.
A short answer to your question is this:
First, pray for the family. They need a special grace of conversion and healing.
Second, try to be as charitable with them as possible. This could help to soften their hearts over time.
Third, you and your husband would do well to come up with a strategy about what you will and will not tolerate from his family. It is important that the two of you present a unified front.
In practice this means deciding whether you want to invite them to events that you are hosting.
If you sense they are starting to attack the faith in front of your child or showing disrespect for your beliefs, your husband (or you and your husband together) should have a heart-to-heart talk with them.
You can let them know you love them, that you understand their difficulties with the Catholic faith, but that you will not tolerate open disrespect of or attacks on the faith in your home.
If they want to do this in their homes, that is another issue. At that point you would need to decide whether it’s better to avoid their homes altogether.
It is good to remember the words of Jesus: “Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth. I have come to bring not peace but the sword. For I have come to set a man ‘against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one’s enemies will be those of his household’” (Matthew 10:34-36).
We live in an age of rising hostility toward religion. At some point we need to know where to draw the line on what we can tolerate from others.
Done charitably, it is a way to honor God and to witness our faith to others.
But don’t forget those prayers for the in-laws. You might even consider having a Mass offered for their spiritual healing.
I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.
