Q: A friend of mine is in a homosexual relationship. She’s Catholic. I believe that homosexuality is a sin and don’t support it. By not supporting it I mean I never ask about her relationship or talk about it with her. She sensed this and asked for my opinion about her relationship. I said I love her but don’t support her relationship because it’s against the religion. I stressed how I still love her for who she is, but I won’t impose my belief on her since she said it’s natural and not something to be punished for. However, she was mad, saying that you can’t love someone without supporting them, and she told me I have no right to discriminate her for the way she lives. Who’s in the wrong here? What can I do in this case? Can’t I love a person but not support her choices? – Angie
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: It sounds as though you are trying to be as charitable as possible without compromising your beliefs.
From what you say, the problem seems to be with your friend.
You say that she thinks her homosexual relationship is “natural and not something to be punished for.” If she really believed that, it’s not clear why she needs your affirmation.
Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated. If your friend can’t handle your lack of support for her behavior, that is her problem.
She might be trying to stifle her own conscience – and your refusal to go along is a reminder that something is wrong with her behavior.
None of this is meant to condemn your friend. She is confused about her identity and might be struggling with all kinds of problems.
It would be good to pray for her. But don’t feel obliged to endorse her lifestyle.
The best thing you can do as a friend is to witness your faith … and witness to the truth.
Count on my prayers for you and your friend.
