Q: I am a college co-ed. There is a guy that I like from church. He is an altar server, and I am a lector. He is very respectful to elders, considerate, kind and soft-spoken. He also comes from a very pious family. We talk a lot these days. We don’t flirt, and I don’t want to be in a romantic relationship until I finish college. I am taking my time in getting to know him. But here is the problem. On rare instances, he would mention dirty jokes. I told him that I am uncomfortable with those kinds of jokes, and he never mentioned them to me again. But I found him telling a light dirty joke to someone else. Maybe he’s not as serious about chastity as I am (or maybe I judge too quickly). What do I do? Should I start distancing myself from this person? – A.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: Dealing with a current or potential boyfriend requires that you use your wits. Every relationship is unique and mysterious.
From what you say, this young man has his flaws — we all do.
But he seems to have good traits, too.
His serving at the altar, his respect for elders, his kindness, his family background — all these are positive signs. Especially in an age of rickety morality.
My short advice is to look for signs of progress in him.
The fact that he no longer tells these jokes in your presence suggests that you are having some kind of positive effect on him.
And since you aren’t looking to start a romance right now, use this time to cultivate other friendships. That will give you more perspective about human nature.
In any case, don’t be too quick to write off everyone who falls short of your standards. People can mature and change.
Moreover, your patience and encouragement can bring out the best in others (including this young man). These qualities can help you in any walk of life.
In the meantime, keep up your own prayer life and sacramental life. And say a prayer for your altar server.
And remember: The only perfect man you will ever find is Jesus.
