Q: I am really struggling with my faith. I come from a household where half of my family are Catholic, and the other half have no religion. I had attended a Catholic school and learned all about Catholicism while not being a Catholic (I didn’t receive Communion, etc.). I developed my relationship with God when my mental health got bad. I didn’t label my belief, but I felt a connection with God. I am now in a relationship. My boyfriend is super respectful of me. We have not had sex and have occasionally shared a bed but stopped because I had this huge fear of something bad happening. Will God cause bad if I do bad? I fear that if I do one wrong thing, God will punish me or those I care about. I believe in Jesus. I am also extremely spiritual. I feel a connection with the earth and energy and nature. But I am very torn on the right way to believe and follow God. I saw something on TikTok that a girl posted that mentioned about how if you do things that belong to spirituality such as put crystals out under a full moon, that’s fine if it’s something you enjoy, but if you believe that it will help you, then it’s wrong because you should turn to Jesus and God for that. This left me feeling awful because I believe in energies, etc. I’m also torn because I also read opinions about sex before marriage being a sin or not. Would God punish me for having premarital sex? Thank you. – C.M.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: It’s good that you are asking these questions. It shows that you are trying to do the right thing.
If I understand your situation correctly, you seem to have been exposed to Catholicism but never joined the Church. On top of that, you are getting some of your ideas about religion from TikTok.
If you really want to know what God wants of you, you should consider turning to Jesus and to the Catholic Church he founded.
For now, let’s set aside the questions of God’s punishment and focus more on his love for you and his call to a deeper relationship with him.
A few quick observations if I may.
First, it would be good if you start studying the Catholic faith in depth. Otherwise, you won’t really understand the language of the Church or how all its teachings and practices fit together.
You might start by reading Youth Catechism (YouCat) or the Compendium of the Catechism or the U.S. Catholic Catechism for Adults. Another helpful resource, especially for specific questions, is the Catholic Answers site.
As an antidote to TikTok, try Father Mike Schmitz’s offerings on YouTube.
Above all, it’s vital to shift your belief away from “energies” and focus it more on Jesus, our Lord and only Savior. Energies won’t save you.
Second, you want to live your relationships in a way consistent with God’s will. This includes your relationship with your boyfriend.
Sharing a bed with him puts you and him in the near occasion of a big fall in chastity. Sex is meant only between a husband and wife who are open to life. Any sex outside marriage is objectively gravely sinful.
The Catechism under the heading “Offenses against Chastity” says:
“2353. Fornication is carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. It is gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality which is naturally ordered to the good of spouses and the generation and education of children. Moreover, it is a grave scandal when there is corruption of the young.”
A lot of theology and wisdom is embedded in that teaching. A helpful site on dating and courtship is the Chastity Project.
In the meantime, for your own good, quit sharing a bed with your boyfriend and dedicate more time to prayer and learning about the Catholic faith.
Among the riches of the Church are the sacraments of confession, confirmation and Communion. Those are immense helps on the journey through life.
You might consider contacting the nearest Catholic parish and ask about its OCIA program, which would teach the basic beliefs and practices of the faith with an eye toward your entrance into the Church.
I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.
