Q: I am a Catholic and have been chosen to be a bridesmaid in my sister-in-law’s wedding. She is a cradle Protestant who was divorced by her husband and is marrying someone else. She feels that because her ex-husband committed adultery and initiated the divorce, the passages from Matthew 5 (“… everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery …”) and 1 Corinthians 7 (“… if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved …”) show she is not under bondage to her ex-husband. She agrees that divorce and remarriage are wrong for any other reasons. I must say these passages seem to side with her, but I know as a Catholic the Church teaches otherwise. What exactly is the Church’s interpretation of these passages? Am I permitted to be a bridesmaid and attend her bachelorette party? Can I at least attend as a normal guest to avoid breaking our familial relationship? This is my husband’s sister, and I am distressed about this. – A.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: You are facing an all-too-common problem: how to deal with a problematic marital situation among your relatives.

 The passage from Matthew 5 uses the Greek word porneia as an apparent exception to the ban on divorce.

Porneia is sometimes translated as “sexual immorality” or “impurity” or something similar. It does not, however, mean adultery.

If it meant adultery, that would make divorce the easiest thing in the world. A person would only need to cheat on his or her spouse and — presto! — the marriage could be ended.

If that sounds odd, it is. Because it’s not true.

Let’s look at the context of that biblical passage. Only Matthew mentions porneia. If that meant that adultery was grounds for a divorce, then certainly the other Evangelists would have mentioned it.

After all, Mark wrote for an audience in Rome, a city where adultery was rife. If adultery were a legitimate reason for divorce, Mark would have certainly mentioned it in his Gospel account. That would have made Christianity much more palatable to the pagan Romans.

So why did only Matthew mention porneia? Probably because he was writing primarily for a Jewish audience.

Jesus was referring to marriages that were prohibited (unlawful) among the Jews, perhaps because the parties were too closely related. In other words, these are cases where a real marriage hasn’t taken place since the partners were barred from attempting marriage with each other in the first place.

That is why the New American Bible translation is more enlightening: “But I say to you, whoever divorces his wife (unless the marriage is unlawful) causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (5:32).

Hence, Jesus did not intend for adultery to be a reason to end a marriage.

As for that passage in 1 Corinthians 7 (verse15): This deals with a case where two unbaptized people married, and one of them later converted but the other wouldn’t let the Christian live in peace. The Church can use the so-called Pauline privilege in this case to dissolve the natural bond.

This doesn’t apply in the case you mention, since your sister-in-law was already Christian.

Thus, from a Catholic perspective, your sister-in-law is still considered married to her unfaithful husband.

So, you might want to consider what your presence and participation in the upcoming wedding would imply.

It’s understandable that you want to maintain some kind of familial solidarity. But at what cost?

Signaling support for an invalid marriage could be scandalous to those who perceive you as a practicing Catholic. And would this wedding send the wrong message to children?

Also, would you let your sister-in-law and her new partner spend the night in your spare bedroom? For that could involve material and formal cooperation in evil (that is, adultery).

I realize that this is a difficult situation for you. But Jesus didn’t promise us that following him would be easy.

You might want to discuss this with your husband and possibly your confessor. And pray for your sister-in-law.

For related reading see these Catholic Answers posts for 1997 and 2021.

Count on my prayers.