Q: Do you have any tips on finding a good confessor and the qualities to look for? We’re at a parish with many priests. Is there a correct etiquette where it doesn’t come across as picky, seeing you don’t always know when certain priests will be there? – Bridget
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: You are blessed to be in a parish with many priests. That is far from the norm.
Seeking a good confessor is a sign of prudence not pickiness.
A good confessor can guide you well and help you grow in holiness. A bad confessor can lead penitents to deform their consciences.
You should look for a confessor who is faithful to Church teaching. Be wary of confessors who seem to shrug off sins as unimportant.
Look for a confessor who takes the time to offer good advice. Some priests, perhaps pressed for time, might limit themselves to giving a penance and absolution.
While that suffices on the priest’s part for a valid sacrament, it’s preferable that he offer even a few seconds of advice. The seeds sown by such advice can be watered by the Holy Spirit to produce great fruits later.
Also, look for a confessor who isn’t shy about offering pointed advice. A good confessor knows how to deliver a tough message in an encouraging and charitable way.
If you go to a variety of priests, you will likely soon get an idea of the ones who are better for you. Stick with them.
Parishes that offer a lot of opportunities for confession might increase your chance of finding seasoned confessors.
But even if you don’t find an ideal confessor, be assured that the sacrament still brings a valuable grace.
