Q: I am an 18-year-old Catholic male college student. Recently I slept over at my girlfriend’s house, with a large group of friends, on the same couch, in a public room, watching a movie, with her dad and sister in the house. I had no ill intentions, nothing bad happened at all, there was no privacy between she and I, and we all had fun as a group. While I knew my parents were against it, as an adult I made the decision to leave it open as an option if people were too sleepy to safely drive me back to my house (I don’t own a car). I let them know respectfully that I was still deciding to go after they told me I couldn’t, but now they are both upset with me. A big reason is that they think it’s still morally wrong for me to sleep over at her house. I would never sleep over with her privately, as I think that creates a situation for temptation, but with everything I knew it does not seem wrong. Was it morally wrong to sleep over? Also, given that I am an adult, is it still wrong to disobey your mother and father even if you are being respectful about it? Thank you. – J.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: It might be good to step back and look at the bigger picture here.
First, you might ask whether it’s morally wrong to start sleeping at your girlfriend’s house, even with other friends around.
While it might not be objectively wrong to do it, it can set an unhealthy precedent. You and she can get used to the idea of sleeping under the same roof.
This can eventually put you in the near occasion of grave sin and tempt you to be insincere with your parents.
As for your parents: True, as an adult you have more leeway to make your own decisions.
But you are still dependent on them, living in their home. When you are a guest in someone’s home, you generally should follow their reasonable preferences. This is basic courtesy.
It would have been good to call them ahead of time to see how to deal with your sleeping over. Maybe they could have picked you up or paid for an Uber.
In any case, expecting your parents to support a decision with which they are not comfortable puts them (your hosts) in an awkward situation.
Adulthood requires that we embrace a wide range of responsibilities and that we listen to the concerns of others.
Perhaps some of these points are worth taking to prayer, to see where the Holy Spirit is leading you.
